Tag Archives: summer

Mental Health, Uncategorized, Family, Parenting, Routine, Blog

How to weather the September storm

Dear Tunester,

The Sand castles and barbecues have been great, but I’m counting down the days, no, the HOURS until my kids go to school. I need some quiet time in the house without running a food stand and a cleaning service.

That said, I’m bracing myself, because no matter how much I promise that this year will be different, September always arrives like a tornado swirling the pieces of me along with it.  “I won’t lose my north this year! I’ll stay calm! I’ve learned from the past!” I say, and then it happens, once again. 

But dear parents of babies, don’t think you’re spared just because you don’t have school aged kids. We all go back to school in September. It’s been ingrained in us since childhood, and the storm’s a-comin’ for you too.

Here’s how you know: Have you been feeling itchier? Searching your home trying to remember what you were even looking for? feeling like you’re supposed to be busy doing something but don’t know what?

It’s natural. We’re like animals in the wild feeling the winds about to shift and getting antsy. But have no fear, I’m here to empathize and provide some wisdom from seasons past.

How to Weather the September Storm:

 

  1. The Inevitable Mess.
    Prepare as you may, the storm will hit, and your plans will most likely deviate. So think of planning not so much as an effort to keep things operating perfectly as a way to make everything     slightly less of a shit show. Preparing for the inevitable mess won’t make it easier but at least it will reduce the element of surprise.
  2. Identity Crisis.
    Maybe I’m the only one, but I find that September tends to bubble up big questions like – who am I again? What am I doing with my life? What do I feel passionate about (besides the baby)? And then – why don’t I know the answer to these questions at this point? I should KNOW!
    Knowing that an annual midlife crisis is inescapable is like greeting your PMS after years of experience. You’re no less irritable, but you know that within a couple days you won’t want to kill every person in sight anymore.
  3. Super Mama Syndrome.
    September seems to plug in my Super Mama chord that’s been laying dormant behind the heater during the summer. Suddenly it’s activated, and I have to make     changes, things need to improve – the kids can’t watch so much screens! They need more sleep! We need a new evening routine! Mornings should have a work flow! And  all the discarded mantras, prayers, rose buds and thorns, are resolutely initiated once again.
    After years of this I’ve come to accept that October can be the month of all my parenting goals. In September I only go for the acheivable bare necessities.
    For more on how to keep your own sanity this month check out this post.
  4. Baby Bonding Perk.
    Here’s a September bonus – re-bonding with the baby. Whether you have a toddler going back to school, or a partner whose work is picking up again, you’ll relish in the quiet mornings with your sweet baby who may have gotten ignored under the beach umbrella as you chased your toddler down the beach or allowed yourself a moment of actual relaxation.
    Now you get to stare at your baby once again, study how their lips move and their nose scrunches, guilt free, without anyone else vying for your attention.
    Want a baby bonding cheerleader? I’m your girl. Follow me on TikTok and Instagram for daily activity tips and emotional support.
  5. Isolation  Desperation.
    Along with the sweetness of peace and quiet also comes loneliness. Yes, you’ve got time with your baby, but now you hark back to those chaotic family filled evenings when you craved alone time. Your afternoons get a little longer, the witching hour starts earlier and earlier.
    I’ve got a simple cure for this one – I invite you to join our Baby in Tune classes. Beyond learning great tips on how to have easier nights and joyful days with your baby, its a place to make your best mama friend. We’ve got in person classes in NY and a Zoom class starting in October that I’ll be teaching. Click here to find our schedule.

 

So dear Tunie, do you feel the September Storm coming on? HOw do you handle it? Comment and let me know below.

Do you have a friend who could use some September Support? Send her this post and tell her to sign up for more.

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Rhythm, Blog

THIS is what summer sounds like

You! Tuned-in parent. Sun! Summer is here. It’s my favorite favorite season. I don’t care how sticky it is and how much we sweat. We are finally free from the indoors! Our babies get fresh air! You with me?

 

We don’t despair by 5pm because we can just go outside. And see friendly faces. Whew! We made it. So now that we’re outside, I want to encourage you all to tune in to a different type of music: the sounds of the outdoors.

 

Here’s the thing – summer is also a good time to give ourselves a pause. Work places slow down a bit, we allow ourselves long weekends, and we even take full weeks off.

What does this mean for our inner musician? That we can relax into feeling more present. We can sit outside and take a moment to LISTEN.

How to tune in to the sounds of summer:

 

  1. Park. Try laying next to your baby on the blanket. Gaze up at the trees and the leaves with them. Listen to the birds overhead. Listen to how your baby might be mirroring those sounds.

 

  1. City. As you push your stroller, listen to the city life around you. Listen to the rhythm of human-made sounds as they interact with the sounds of nature. Is the wind moving objects on the street or sidewalk? Is a squirrel pitter pattering up a tree with stolen pizza in its mouth? Is there construction nearby keeping a beat?

 

  1. Beach. When you are at the beach, listen closely to the sound of the waves. So often we sit at the beach talking, reading or zoning out. Take a few minutes to tune In. Notice the rhythm of the waves. Here’s the best way to do this: As you watch the waves, take in a deep breath as the water pulls back and then breathe out as the waves crash. Breathing with the waves helps us really tune in to the sound and the rhythm of the ocean.
Water splashing up
My daughter experiencing a natural splash park

 

  1. Forest. If you are sitting in the forest camping or hiking, then sit quietly for a moment and notice the sounds. Do you hear gravel crunching? Do you hear mosquitoes nearby? Croaking crickets? If so, notice their rhythm. Notice how they all sing in unison. They are really rubbing their wings together like a violin.Interesting tangent – To get a rough estimate of the temperature in degrees fahrenheit, count the number of cricket chirps in 15 seconds and then add 37. The number you get will be an approximation of the outside temperature. There are perks to having kids in fifth-grade science!

 

  1. Waterfall. We tend to hear a brook, stream or waterfall and quickly process them in our brain as white noise. It is hard for us to keep our attention on the small changes happening within moving water. Pause for a moment try to see if you can tune in to anomalies. Where does the water fall out of stream? Is there a pattern that repeats?

 

  1. Pool. See if you can visualize yourself as a bird perched high above the pool or family event that you’re at. What sound landscape would that bird hear? Listen to the orchestra of kids playing and splashing water at the pool or the melody of the family barbecue’s low chuckling voices and high pitched toddlers. See if you can hear it as a landscape.

 

  1. Your baby. Finally, let’s tune in to our baby’s noises. In the summer, we tend to be more laid back and we allow ourselves a little bit more space for wonder and observation. This is a perfect time to really listen to your baby’s noises and speech. What vocalizations is your infant experimenting with? How high does their voice rise and how low do they dip? Are they experimenting with more noises that they like using their lips and tongue?Have a crawler or walker? How are they learning to say words? Are they learning through the melody? Do they have a sing-songy way of speaking?And for older kids tune in to their sounds. When they hum or sing a tune what does their voice sound like? When they speak to you do they tend to use higher registers or lower registers? Can you find your own sing-songy speech and how they mirror it back to you?

So do you hear it? My hope for you this week is that you take the time to try.

Stop.

Pause.

Breath.

LISTEN.

 

What do you hear? Share with us in the COMMENTS. It is inspiring to hear what others observe.

 

Want to inspire your friend to take a pause and listen to summer? Send them this Tuesday Tune In. Tell them there are alot more where this one came from and they are all as helpful.

 

Tell them to sign up for it below.

 

 

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Holy shit, Schools out! All the feels.

It’s that time of year, in-tune parents: The end of the school year.

We’re all excited, right? No wait. We’re all terrified we’ll never have a moment alone again. That’s right, right? Maybe we’re all sad our babies are becoming less baby-faced with every graduation. That seems more right. But the truth is: We’re all feeling a lot of things at once.

And if we feel that way, imagine how our kids feel right about now.

The end-of-year transition is even bigger for them. They go from the baby room into the two’s room, or from third grade into fourth grade, or (like one of mine) from elementary school to middle school.

What can we do to help them through this time?
And to help ourselves along with them?

We need to pause.

 

That’s not easy for me to do. During this frenzied time, the last thing I tend to do is pause. My wheels keep spinning all through the night. And during the day I am planning, packing and working ever so much harder until that last school bell rings.

But, listen: Summer can wait a minute. Eventually our plans will come together – more or less – and we will pack what we need , and probably forget the most important thing like usual. (It’s always the extra phone charger and the razor. Comment below and tell me your always-forgotten items.) There I go, spinning thoughts whirling again. We all need to learn how to pause so we can do the most important thing …

… help our kids pause.

4 Steps to Help Children Transition to Summer

1. Talk to them about the transition.

They are certainly feeling it, so you might as well name it. Naming the elephant in the room will dissipate the energy a bit.

Don’t: Introduce the transition as inherently anxiety ridden. Give them the space to reflect on their experience.

 

2. Ask them how they are feeling.

Find a quiet moment with your child and open the conversation with questions like these:
“How are you feeling now that schools out?”
“How does it feel to be leaving your friends for the summer?”
“How do you feel about going on this trip soon?”
“What are you feeling about starting camp?

Don’t: Ask leading questions like :
“Are you excited to start camp soon?”
“Are you sad about school ending?”

 

3. Follow up with detail-oriented questions.

If the answer is just “Good” or “Fine,” then you may need to ask questions a therapist asks like:
“And how does it make you feel?”
“What came up for you when that happened?”
“Where do you feel it in your body?”

Don’t: Think that’s all there is to it. There’s usually more beneath the surface.

 

4. Sit with their feelings and/or mirror their feelings back.

The best listeners also mirror back feelings in order to show the speaker that we fully understand and that we are listening. For example:

*Example A
Child: “I am sad to leave my friends.”
Parent: “Sometimes it is sad to leave friends we have been with for a while.”

*Example B
Child: “I won’t ever be able to win Student of the Day.”
Parent: “That sounds hard.”

Don’t: Start your sentence with BUT.

*Example A
Child: “I’m going to miss my teachers.”
Parent: “But you’ll see them again next year probably.”

*Example B
Child: “I don’t want to go on the trip”
Parent: “But we’ll have so much fun!”

 

Now here’s the important part about all of this: The answers might be difficult for us.

They might mirror our own anxiety about the transition. And they may even put a judgment on an upcoming activity.

Our job is to hear their feelings without letting our own feelings get in the way. Meaning, we need to purely to be an ear to the expression of their emotions without judgment of our own on their feelings. Children have an amazing ability to express how they are feeling without feeling a positive or negative judgment about it.

Let them show you how.

So parents, your task for this week is to Pause.

Notice your (and your child’s) anxiety about the transition and then talk to them about it. Remember the importance of being nonjudgmental. I wouldn’t judge you for being annoyed you have to go to the coast of Maine and spend time eating lobster with your in-laws. And you won’t judge your own kids for feeling psyched about that same trip.

Have you already noticed conflicted feelings in your family about summer plans? Comment and share how you’re trying to see all sides.

Know parents who would be relieved to pause? Send this post their way before the Last Day of School sneaks up on us all. They can sign up for the Tuesday Tune In below.

Love this blog and would like to receive more to your inbox?

Yes! Please send me more of the Tuesday Tune-In!

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