Dear Tunester,
I’ve got a parenting resolution for you that I think you can actually keep. Not only that, It’s one resolution that will have the biggest impact on your baby’s and YOUR well being.
You know how people say – enjoy your time with your baby, it goes by so fast?
It’s annoying! First of all because you tend to hear it in public right when you’re baby needs to eat NOW, you can barely remember why you went to the store in the first place because of hormones, and all you want is sweet long slumber. In those moments, you kind of want it to go by fast.
But also because it feels out of your control. As if you need to enjoy whatever comes even though much of it isn’t enjoyable.
In 2022 let’s change it to this:
Do the things you enjoy most with your baby. It goes by so fast.
This is more profound than it looks. Hear me out. I’ve got my own experience and research to back it up.
Let’s start with the juicier one. I have a confession to make:
I was a better parent with my third than with my first two.
Ouch.
You know why? Not because I KNEW more things about parenting, but because I let myself off the perfect parent hook. I let go of all the shoulds, and whenever I could, I chose to do the things that I actually WANTED to do.
When I stopped enjoying nursing I gave it up. I didn’t read books that weren’t interesting to me too, I lazed in bed with her instead of doing dishes. I even took her across the country to do a tour because I wanted to do it and didn’t feel like pumping enough milk. At night the Airbnb was freezing and we kept each other warm and cozy all night 🙂
I enjoyed her. I found time for myself. I didn’t berate myself for what I was or wasn’t doing. I just let her and myself BE.
And that meant I was a happier mama, and she was a happier baby.
Attachment theory shows us that what’s most important, and the biggest indicator as to whether you will have a secure attachment with your baby, is whether you ENJOY your time with them.
It’s not about what schedule your baby is on, what stroller they have, or even what songs you teach them. It’s about whether you enjoy singing those songs with them.
Obviously there’s a ton of stuff you need to do as a parent that you don’t necessarily enjoy or choose to do.
But there are lots of micro decisions you make throughout the day about what you SHOULD or SHOULDN’T do. All I am saying is, in the words of Tony Robbins, “Don’t should all over yourself.”
In 2022, dear Tunie, keep asking yourself – Am I ENJOYING what I am doing with my baby in this moment? And when the answer is No – do something else.
Obviously we need to help them sleep, keep them clean, and feed them. We have no choice in those matters, but even within those, we can probably find ways to do it that will be more enjoyable for us.
Quick story – For the last two weeks my son has been begging us to play a family game of basketball. I kept saying no. I love that he wants us to play together, but I don’t like playing basketball! It didn’t sound enticing to me in the least. And that’s ok.
But yesterday I finally did want to. Maybe it was because I had taken a surfing lesson earlier (join me on Instagram to follow my novice progress,) and felt energized, or maybe the evening just felt right. I rallied the rest of the family and we hit the court.
And you know what? We had a great time. Because at that moment, I really enjoyed it. And because of that I was the best mom I could be. I was able to manage my son’s expectations, keep the peace among the kids, and steel the ball illegally from my husband. My shooting average, on the other hand, was shameful.
What is your parenting resolution for 2022? Please COMMENT below and let me know.
Do you have a friend who needs encouragement to do what she enjoys? Send them this. Help them get off the parenting hook in order to be a better parent. Tell them to sign up for the Tuesday Tune In below.
I reread the lessons I learned last year and boy do they still apply. What did you learn this year?
Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!
