The other day at therapy I was talking about the work I do, helping parents connect to their baby, and my therapist said –
“That’s what you wanted as a baby but didn’t”.
And I realized she was right.
At the risk of pulling out that tiny violin playing the “poor me” song, I can say that much of what I teach you all, and what I work hard to give me kids, is what I needed as a kid but didn’t always get.
I also had an undeniably wonderful childhood. But the fact is that we all have trauma on some level. It’s inevitable. Our babies will also end up on that therapy couch no matter how mindful we are with our parenting.
Why do we all end up with trauma on some level?
Because harmful patterns and behaviors are passed down through generations. Sometimes they’re so ingrained that any other behavior seems odd to us.
Sometimes these patterns become obstacles that we can’t seem to overcome no matter how hard we try, like the friend we keep around despite feeling hurt after every time we see them.
Home feels like home – familiar and comfortable – no matter how harmful it is sometimes.
But every now and then, when we put in the work to understand our traumas and what left us feeling abandoned, neglected, or distressed as children, we’re able to make magic happen.
It’s precisely what was most traumatic for us that might just turn into your parenting super power.
If you can take the time to figure out what your trauma is and where it came from, you may be able push against it, soften, and turn to the world with a burning desire to correct your experience.
How would that look? It would be you acknoledging your trauma and noticing your harmful patterns. Sometimes they’ll spill out with your kids and then the work is in the repair.
When we can bravely say to our kids – “I’m sorry, I screwed up,” we give them a chance to heal and in the process we heal ourselves.
And when all the stars align, the world will benefit from your scar. And your children will feel your passion to make sure they don’t have the same issue.
They may have others, but not that one 🙂
And then that very trauma that left us wide eyed, in a corner, waiting for a hug, will turn into your unique parenting super power that noone else has as strongly as you.
Your biggest job, besides keeping your baby safe, is to mind your inner state so that you can turn your traumas around, turn them into love for your baby, and then dear parent – get the hell out of their way and let them be who they are 🙂
Let’s go out and use our superpowers!!
Do you see your trauma as your parenting superpower? Comment below and let me know!
Do you have a friend who needs to know about her superpower? Send her this post and tell her to sign up for future Tuesday Tune Ins.