Tag Archives: parenting

Mental Health, Uncategorized, Family, Parenting, Blog

My Resolution for 2023 (and what I’ve learned about parenting in Israel)

Dear Tunester, Today I give you my resolution for 2023 and what I learned about parenting from living in Israel for the last year and a half.

 

Happy new year dear Tunester! It’s 2023! Do you have a resolution for this year? Here’s mine…

A friend of mine was over recently when she asked my eldest, whose arms were crossed in front of his chest, what was written on his shirt. He grunted and didn’t make a move to bring his arms down.

I waited a second, and then instinctively reached over and opened his arms.

My friend shot me a disapproving look and said- “Why did you do that?” 

And I thought – Why had I done that? It’s not like my friend had a burning curiosity about the shirt (which, by the way, was adorable. It had a picture of a guitar and a ukulele and the guitar was saying to the uke – “Uke, I am your father.”) She was just trying to engage him in a non-threatening way. 

Meanwhile, I was stuck in a moment of anxiety – I so wanted him to be personable with her, for her to love him, for him to love her, that without realizing it I intervened and possibly made him feel uncomfortable.

And that leads me to the lesson I’ve learned during my last year and a half in israel – let the kids be.

 

So My Resolution for 2023 – 
LET THE KIDS BE. 

 

And along with it, because our attitude to our kids is completely intertwined with our attitude to ourselves,

LET MYSELF BE.

This lesson is contrary to every grain in my body – I was raised in a family where success is expected and prowess is to be displayed. I was also raised in the US where life is showy. Instagram perfectly showcases family success, parenting wins, vacation fun, career accomplishments.

I come by it honestly. It’s in my genes and my Levi’s jeans. But being in Israel has challenged that.

Letting the kids be means not getting caught up in how my son’s behavior looks to others, what he should or shouldn’t be doing.

It means having a clear sense of where my job begins and where it ENDS. As a mom, my job is to keep the kids safe, give them love, and slowly teach skills that will help them live independently and have a gratifying life.

It is NOT to ensure their success or achievements, to manipulate how others see them, or to make them seem cool, smart, beautiful, charming, talented, in the eyes of others.

Letting the kids be means trusting their process completely. When your baby cries through dinner at a restaurant, your toddler whines at music class, your kid is challenged at school, or your pre-teen doesn’t have a social life or is acting out at home, it means accepting them AS IS while continuing to do your job (safety, love, teach skills.)

It’s tempting to make a sweeping, Bringing Up Bebe-type statement about Israeli culture and the way they raise their kids, but my research sample is narrow. 

I can say that from what I’ve seen, Israeli parents are very trusting of their kids. School age kids roam around the neighborhood on their own, and highschoolers have co-ed sleepovers. My son’s highschool gives them 3 “mental health days” that they can use any time during the year to skip school.

Also, if you’ve never been to Israel, you might be shocked to see teenagers in the army wielding rifles on the crosstown bus 😳

 

In America, from my experience, the child is held under the parents wing for longer, and along with it comes the feeling that the kids’ successes are interlinked with the parents’.

When I was living in New York I remember feeling a need for my kids to be perceived a certain way – smart, active, social. It probably had a lot to do with my stage of motherhood, my community, and everything to do with who I am.

 

But this year I’ve been available to learn a new way. My husband has played a big part. He’s been instrumental in teaching me to let myself be because he does it so effortlessly. Here’s a song I recently wrote about it.

Even in the midst of my current midlife identity crisis, I’ve been able to be more patient and compassionate to myself. 

 

That’s why you’re only getting this New Years post now, two days after 2023 began. Because I let myself be. I didn’t disrupt our family’s weekend or end of year celebrations. I knew there would be time to circle back around and connect to you all.

 

So dear Tunester, what can you do this year to let your kids be? To trust their process and growth even if it looks different from what you expect? They’re wonderful, they’re doing exactly what they need to be doing, and your love is allowing them to be exactly who they are.

Love,

Vered

P.S. After I wrote this I went back and looked at my resolution for 2022 to see how/if I’ve grown. It’s similar,  I take it a step further this year in a way I couldn’t have imagined.

Facebook
Instagram
Uncategorized, Family, Parenting, Blog

3 fresh activities to do with your 6-12 month old baby

Dear Tunester, today you’ll learn 3 fresh activities to do with your 6-12 month old baby that will boost their development and amuse you both.

When I had small babies at home they changed so quickly that last week’s favorite activity quickly became old news. I scrambled to find new ways to stretch my baby’s mind and, more importantly, amuse us both.

So today I’ll offer 3 new ways to keep you both happily busy. But first – a question to figure out their stage of development – 

If you take something away from your baby – do they look for it?

If they’ve started to show some signs of searching for a hidden toy, then they’ve hit an important milestone that psychologists call Object Permanence.

What does it mean to become aware of object permanence? 

That your baby is learning and sensing that something continues to exist even when they can no longer see it.

That’s a big deal!! This development affects their cognitive, emotional and social development. 

Here’s a quick rundown and how it affects their development. Then, scroll down to learn three activities your baby will love right about now.

  1. Social.
    Knowing an object continues to exist means knowing that YOU continue to exist even after you leave. Has your baby been crying more as you leave? If so, they may no longer accept it as a given. Now they have the knowledge that when they don’t see you you’re somewhere, just not with them.
    Your baby’s disovery might be distressing for them at fist (and for you to hear their crying,) but its a necessary leap in their growth.
  2. Cognitive.
    When your baby was an infant they were completely egocentric. Meaning, they couldn’t conceptualize a world that existed separate from their experience and point of view.
    As they’ve grown your baby has been able ot develop a mental representation of things. Meaning, when you say banana they can imagine a banana in their mind even though they don’t see one in front of them.
  3. Emotional.
    When you take a toy away form your baby they might not cry as they did before. Instead, they’re able to contain they’re frustration and set about looking for where the toy went. That’s a big step in starting to manage difficult emotions and problem solve.

Now let’s talk about activities you can do that will spark your baby’s interest, develop their curiosity, and help them manage emotions that come with this new burgeoning awareness.

The Magician 

Step 1 – put a small object on the table. Let your baby see it and touch it. then cover it with an upside down cup. Can your baby find the object? If not, teach your baby what happened. Show them the steps again. Reveal the object underneath. Your baby might need several repetitions of this activity. 

If your baby can find the object underneath, try step 2.

Step 2 – Take 3 cups and 1 small object. Now bring out your inner streetside magician. Put all of the cups upside down with one of them over the small object. Let your baby explore and find the object.

Peekaboo Variation

Peekaboo is wonderful for helping your baby practice object permanence and separation and reunion with you. Let’s try it a little differently this time.

Instead of you or or baby hiding behind a scarf as you usually do, use a doll or puppet and put the scarf over the puppet. Let the puppet say – “where is baby? Where are you?” And let your baby reveal the doll.

To add animals and even more fun to your peekaboo, try using this song.

Hidden Treasure

For this activity you need is a box/basket/bowl. You’re going to fill your box with various objects – a beloved toy, day to day objects your baby doesn’t often see or play with, a book they love.

For the younger babies who are just learning object permanence, leave an object exposed so your baby knows to look under the cloth.

For the older babies cover the basket completely and hand it to your baby. Let them discover and explore the objects one by one. Then, put them all back in and do it again.

 

Which of these activities did your baby respond to most? Could you see their wheels turning as they were trying to understand where the objects went? Comment below and let me know.

In the middle of playing and your baby needs a diaper change? Try this hack to make it much easier and more enjoyable for you both.

Facebook
Instagram
Vocalizing, Uncategorized, Parenting, Routine, Blog

How to hack diaper changing

Dear Tunester, today you’re going to learn a way to make diaper changing go from struggle to smooth sailing.

I bet you didn’t realize how deep in shit you would be as a parent, in more ways than one. But today let’s focus on the literal.

How many times a day do you deal POOP? Checking, smelling, changing, and cleaning…A LOT.

Now if you’ve got a pre-crawler diaper changing might still be somewhat chill. But if your baby is on the move it may have already turned into a wrestling match.

So what do you do? It’s simple.

Use a Diaper-Changing Song.

Yup, sing while you wipe. It can be about pee, poop, diapers or anything really. A Diaper-Changing Song is part-reminder, part-timer.

Here’s why it will work:

1. It lets your baby know that changing is about to happen.

If you start to sing your diaper-changing song as you are bringing the diaper and as you start to undress the baby, then your baby will know it’s coming. Part of what they hate so much is that you are interrupting their play. It’s like my kids protesting when I call them to dinner – “Wait a minute! I’m in the middle!”  A song can let your baby know that they’re about to be changed.

2. It can be a time keeper.

Babies are intuitively musical. Whithin a few times of singing your song, your baby will start to recognize it. Not only that, they’ll understand  know the beginning, the middle and the end. Babies seem to understand song structure. Often in my groups, babies as young as eight months old start to clap toward the end of the song because they know it’s about to end. Use the song as a way to tell your baby how long the diaper changing will take. It will behave like a sand timer and your baby will feel a bit more in control.

Don’t have a Diaper-Changing Song? Let’s make it happen.

It’s possible that you already have a song but you don’t think about it as one. Do you ever find yourself singing silly ditties about poop, not peeing in your face or staying still? That’s all I’m talking about.

Don’t overthink it. You can write a silly ditty on your own. Start by noticing what you say as you’re changing your baby’s diaper. If you usually say, “Please don’t pee on me” or “You are a poopy head,” then put that in the song. It could look something like this:

“You’re my little poopy head
Let’s go get you clean
But baby hold still –
And please don’t pee on me”

I am sure you can come up something better than that. It’s really about noticing the melody you already use in your speech when you’re speaking to your baby.

Imagine how you would say – “Come here stinky pants.” Probably with a little sing-song in your voice. Use that for your ditty!

Remember – it doesn’t have to win a Grammy. But if you’re able to write a short song that you sing every time you go to change your baby’s diaper, the task will become so much easier. Not only that, you’ll be one step ahead and ready for the squirmy stage.

So dear Tunester, what song makes your life easier at the changing table? COMMENT below and let me know.

Can it top: “Wipe wipe wipe your butt / gently wipe the stream”? Do tell. I love to hear what little ones respond to. Comment below.

Want to use a changing song I wrote? Try this one.

Did you catch last week’s post in which I shared the 5 things I would never do as a therapist of babies and parents? Check it out here.

Before your next diaper change … Share this Tuesday Tune-In.
Be the person who gives another parent this useful idea. Forward this email their way and tell them to sign up for more below.

Facebook
Instagram
Mental Health, Uncategorized, Family, Parenting, Routine, Blog

How to weather the September storm

Dear Tunester,

The Sand castles and barbecues have been great, but I’m counting down the days, no, the HOURS until my kids go to school. I need some quiet time in the house without running a food stand and a cleaning service.

That said, I’m bracing myself, because no matter how much I promise that this year will be different, September always arrives like a tornado swirling the pieces of me along with it.  “I won’t lose my north this year! I’ll stay calm! I’ve learned from the past!” I say, and then it happens, once again. 

But dear parents of babies, don’t think you’re spared just because you don’t have school aged kids. We all go back to school in September. It’s been ingrained in us since childhood, and the storm’s a-comin’ for you too.

Here’s how you know: Have you been feeling itchier? Searching your home trying to remember what you were even looking for? feeling like you’re supposed to be busy doing something but don’t know what?

It’s natural. We’re like animals in the wild feeling the winds about to shift and getting antsy. But have no fear, I’m here to empathize and provide some wisdom from seasons past.

How to Weather the September Storm:

 

  1. The Inevitable Mess.
    Prepare as you may, the storm will hit, and your plans will most likely deviate. So think of planning not so much as an effort to keep things operating perfectly as a way to make everything     slightly less of a shit show. Preparing for the inevitable mess won’t make it easier but at least it will reduce the element of surprise.
  2. Identity Crisis.
    Maybe I’m the only one, but I find that September tends to bubble up big questions like – who am I again? What am I doing with my life? What do I feel passionate about (besides the baby)? And then – why don’t I know the answer to these questions at this point? I should KNOW!
    Knowing that an annual midlife crisis is inescapable is like greeting your PMS after years of experience. You’re no less irritable, but you know that within a couple days you won’t want to kill every person in sight anymore.
  3. Super Mama Syndrome.
    September seems to plug in my Super Mama chord that’s been laying dormant behind the heater during the summer. Suddenly it’s activated, and I have to make     changes, things need to improve – the kids can’t watch so much screens! They need more sleep! We need a new evening routine! Mornings should have a work flow! And  all the discarded mantras, prayers, rose buds and thorns, are resolutely initiated once again.
    After years of this I’ve come to accept that October can be the month of all my parenting goals. In September I only go for the acheivable bare necessities.
    For more on how to keep your own sanity this month check out this post.
  4. Baby Bonding Perk.
    Here’s a September bonus – re-bonding with the baby. Whether you have a toddler going back to school, or a partner whose work is picking up again, you’ll relish in the quiet mornings with your sweet baby who may have gotten ignored under the beach umbrella as you chased your toddler down the beach or allowed yourself a moment of actual relaxation.
    Now you get to stare at your baby once again, study how their lips move and their nose scrunches, guilt free, without anyone else vying for your attention.
    Want a baby bonding cheerleader? I’m your girl. Follow me on TikTok and Instagram for daily activity tips and emotional support.
  5. Isolation  Desperation.
    Along with the sweetness of peace and quiet also comes loneliness. Yes, you’ve got time with your baby, but now you hark back to those chaotic family filled evenings when you craved alone time. Your afternoons get a little longer, the witching hour starts earlier and earlier.
    I’ve got a simple cure for this one – I invite you to join our Baby in Tune classes. Beyond learning great tips on how to have easier nights and joyful days with your baby, its a place to make your best mama friend. We’ve got in person classes in NY and a Zoom class starting in October that I’ll be teaching. Click here to find our schedule.

 

So dear Tunie, do you feel the September Storm coming on? HOw do you handle it? Comment and let me know below.

Do you have a friend who could use some September Support? Send her this post and tell her to sign up for more.

Facebook
Instagram
Mental Health, Uncategorized, Family, Parenting, Blog

How to teach your child to listen to their inner voice

Dear Tunesters,

Today’s topic is about teaching our kids what we often wish we knew how to do ourselves – listen to our intuition. In this post you’ll get some examples of listening to your inner voice and a quick but powerful exercise for teaching your kids how to locate that voice when they’re in a bind.

So many times life throws us an opportunity or a situation that might feel benign or even exciting on the surface, but  doesn’t feel quite aligned with where we’re at.

Here’s an examples: A couple of years ago, when I started working on my online course, I spoke to someone who offered to pay for the production of my next album. Making an album costs A LOT. My head said YEEEESSSS!

But my stomach said Nooooooooo.

I sat with it for a while and realized that I needed to turn him down. It just didn’t feel like the right time. I had to trust that my intuition was guiding me in the right direction and that when I was ready to make an album I would have the opportunity I needed.

That was an instance when I was able to listen to my inner voice but there are so many times when I just can’t seem to hear it.

One of our jobs as parents is to help our kids exercise their intuition muscle so that it will be easier for them to make the right decisions  throughout their lives. Don’t we wish someone had done the same for us? 

So how do we do it?

Basically we need to help our kids distinguish between the voice that speaks out of intuition and the one that speaks out of FEAR.

To do this I turned to some of the current smart, creative, motivated and accomplished women who teach us how to be true to ourselves,  like Elizabeth Gilbert, Luvvie Ajayi Jones, Glennon Doyle, Brene Brown and Marie Forleo.

They teach that the inner voice is steady and calm. We may ignore it sometimes but it is unwavering. It has a quiet confident nature to it.

On the other hand the voice that contradicts our inner voice speaks for our ego. It compares, it’s more aware of scarcity, and it tends to be chattier and quicker. The voice of our ego often has us talking to everyone about our indecision. But in those conversations we’re often hoping that our friend or family member will give voice to the intuition we’re ignoring.

An inner guiding system to teaching our kids to listen to their intuition:

1. Bring awareness to the issue

We tell them that sometimes we know what’s right for us, but it’s hard to listen to that voice. It happens when a friend is making fun of someone and we don’t want to join, or when we are drawn to doing something that we know could be too dangerous. 

2. Give examples

We ask if they have ever felt this conflict. We point out situations in which they might have felt it. Maybe we’ve even observed situations like this for them in real time.

Here’s an example:

The other day I picked up my daughter from a playdate. On the way home she said: “I feel strange.” 

I asked her why and after some prodding she said that something her friend did made her feel uncomfortable (cue the mother freaking out.)

She said that at times her girlfriend became too aggressive in their play and physically hurt my daughter. For instance this happened when she was holding my daughters hand she bent it back too far. My daughter said that she didn’t think her friend meant to hurt her. 

I told my daughter that next time she was with this friend she could tell how she felt. We talked about how to do that. 

But after that I told her something that our generation might not have been told enough:

“You know what feels right and what doesn’t feel right. Always listen to your body and your feelings. If something makes you feel uncomfortable, listen to that voice. You know best”

 

3. Teach them this quick test

This is inspired from Marie Forleo’s “Everything is Figureoutable. I’ve tailored it to fit our kids. I’ve actually used it a bunch of times myself.

  1. Take a moment to think about the situation, opportunity, decision. 
  2. Get still. Take deep breaths.
  3. Ask yourself: When I think about going with a decision, or doing an activity, does it make me:
    •  Feel more relaxed and breathe easier, feel some joy, light heartedness, anticipation, and feel more expansive?
      That’s the calm inner voice.
    • Feel heavier in my chest and make my stomach feel tight, dread, anxiety, feel more contractive?
      It’s a No Go.
  4. Notice how your body feels as you think about each option.

Of course there are moments in which fear is constructive and even imperative for our safety. In those moments we may feel dread and anxiety and will still need to listen to our fear. But those instances aside, we can teach our kids the process above for day to day decisions that might have them confused.

The more they learn to do this now, the more they’ll be practiced by the time they are adults and decisions get even harder..

But parents, there is a risk to listening to our inner voice that we need to tell our kids about top,

The more we do, the more VISIBLE we might be. Meaning, we might go against what others want us to be or do. And that means losing some fans. For instance, if my daughter tells her friend how she feels her friend might not take it well. 

Part of teaching our kids to be in touch with their truth is teaching them that we can’t win them all, but that the cost of going against our truth is often higher than the cost of going against someone else’s.

 

Want a tip on getting your baby to sleep? Check out this post.

Have a friend who needs a weekly parenting boost? Send her this post and tell her to sign up so she’ll get the next one right into her inbox.

 

Facebook
Instagram
Mental Health, Uncategorized, Family, Parenting, Blog

How to help your baby through new situations

Today we’re going to talk about how your baby learns to feel about new situations and people. I call it the Quick Glance.

Have you ever noticed that when you encounter a new situation or a new person your baby quickly looks over at you? Just like a cub in the wild, your baby is trying to ascertain  – Is this person a threat? Are we in danger? Are we running? Are we staying? 

Sometimes your baby glances over at you so quickly you barely notice it. And in that instant they gather all the information they need.

Psychologists call this Social Referencing. I like to call it the “Quick Glance.”

The Quick Glance is when your baby tries to understand your emotional state through your facial expression, vocal tone, and body language, in order to form their own response toward other people or events in their environment.

The “Visual Cliff” study is a perfect illustration of this.

In this study, babies between 9-12 months are brought into the lab and put on a table with borders. At the midway point the table has a visible drop that is covered by plexiglass so it looks like it drops, but it doesn’t. A toy is placed at the other end of the plexiglass.

So what do the babies do? They want to reach the toy, But when they approached the plexiglass with the visible drop, they hesitate and freeze. And then they quickly look over at their mother.

They search her face to find signs – is she relaxed? Smiling? Nervous? Tense? And they only keep moving forward when they’re satisfied that their mother is calm.

Your baby is expert at picking up your subtle cues. The thing is, often we’re not even aware of our facial expressions and body language. And sometimes we feel one thing but try to convey another – like meeting someone you feel uncomfortable with but smiling during the interaction. 

Your baby is watching it all.

 

So what can we do to help our babies with their Quick Glance?

 

  1. Own It.
    Simply being aware of the fact that your baby is seeking out your cues will make you be more careful about what you are conveying to your baby.
  2. Be Consistent.
    This one is a tough one – your baby is confused by inconsistency. When you smile on the outside but are feeling tense on the inside, or when you feel ambivalent, your baby has a hard time discerning how to make sense of the situation. We can’t always do this, but try to sync your behavior with your expression (if only we could all do this all the time.)
  3. Calm Down
    Especially when your baby is doing new things, like trying new food, climbing up to the slide, learning how to crawl or walk, etc, they are going to look to you for reassurance. Keep your face relaxed and your expression open and positive. The best way to do this is daily meditation, even if it’s only for a few minutes a day.

Here are some extra tips for relaxing your face:

  1. Pick up the corners of your mouth ever so slightly.
  2. Massage your forehead moving to your temples.
  3. Massage your jaw (we hold so much tension there!)
  4. Massage behind your ears
  5. Meditate! A few minutes a day relaxes your face for the rest of the day.

Want to learn more about the Quick Glance and other ways you and your baby communicate? Check out my FREE masterclass called The Biggest Mistake New Parents Make.

Does your friend want to know more about how to communicate and connect with her baby? Send her this Tuesday Tune In and tell her to sign up for more below.

Join our outdoor and Zoom classes to learn more tips about how to help your baby.

 

 

Facebook
Instagram
Mental Health, Family, Parenting, Tantrums, Blog

4 ways to turn a tantrum around

Hi Tunester,

Today’s post is all about what to do with your toddler when you hit those hair pulling tantrum scenes that you know so well if you’ve got a baby over 12 months:

I want that! No, I want THAT!! No THAT!!!! No No No No!!!

I can do it myself! I can’t do it!! Don’t help me!

Waaaaaaa! (flat down on the sidewalk)

The strategies I’m about to give you are from moms in our Baby in Tune classes and I fully endorse them all. 

Before we go into them, remember your most important first steps – 

  • Empathize.
  • Allow for difficult emotions.
  • Take a breath.
  • Know that it is completely normal and will pass.

Ok. Now let’s look at 4 great ways to handle tough moments.

 

4 Strategies to Turn a Tantrum Around.

 

Sing a song

It’s probably not surprising that this is my favorite technique. When you sing a song as your baby is having a hard time, it does a few things:

  1. Lightens up the mood. It lowers your baby’s (and your) cortisol levels and reduces stress.
  2. Adds playfulness to the situation. Reminds you both that there is another way to deal with the situation.
  3. Offers a solution. For instance, the mom who said she sings a song uses the Hokey Pokey when her toddler is having a hard time getting dressed – “you put your right leg in…)
  4. Is a time keeper. Gives your baby to take a few breaths until the song is over. By that time they might have regained some equilibrium.

(This week I’ll be illustrating these strategies on my Instagram page if you want ot see them in action.)

Find the Game

This is the ultimate cure for tantrums. It can be most effective but also demands the most from you initially.

It’s about finding the play or the game in the situation. The reason its so hard for us is that when your baby is yelling in the shopping cart, arching their back and trying to throw anything in reach, you might not exactly feel like playing. You probably feel like getting the hell out of there as soon as possible.

But if for a moment you’re able to access your super-parent powers that may be dormant at that moment, you can turn the situation around completely. Once you manage to eke out a small smile you’ll be cruising.

Examples:

  • If your baby is having a hard time getting dressed, you might stick your hand into a pant leg and surprise them by turning it into a puppet. 
  • Maybe you put your shopping list aside for a moment and start driving the car around like a car, cutting corners and making car noises.
  • When they don’t want to get out of the bath maybe you take one of the bath animals and act out a scene with them in the water that ends with the animal exiting the bath

 

Stand By

You want your child to know that it is totally ok to have big emotions and to express them in any way that is not harmful to them or others. With this strategy you are giving your toddler the space they might need but are also letting them know that you are with them.  It works best when you’re at home and have time to ride it out with them.

You can say something like “I’m with you. It’s ok. let me know when you’re ready for me to help you.”

The important part is to do this without resentment or anger. You’re standing by and allowing space for your toddler’s feelings.

 

Set a Timer

Sometimes tantrums happen right when you need to get somewhere, get dressed, leave the house, get out of the store and you don’t have the time to patiently let your toddler ride through their peaks and valleys.

In those cases it’s nice to provide your baby with some structure. Having limits can be comforting, especially when they’re in a state of loss of control. It also helps you feel a sense of control and gather yourself before approaching again with patience and compassion.

What you would do is say – “I’m going to put a timer on for 3 minutes. During the 3 minutes you can try on your own as much as you want. Once the timer goes off you’ll let me help you.”

 

Important:

Before, during, or after these episodes make sure you give YOURSELF the same compassion. Let yourself step away for a minute, gather yourself, give yourself a hug.

Better yet, do this for me – high five your reflection in the mirror and tell yourself you’re a kick ass mama. And then get back in the ring.

 

Do you have a friend who needs tantrum help? Send them this post and tell them to sign up below for more helpful tips.

What strategy do you use when your baby is having a tantrum? Is it any of these? COMMENT below and let me know.

 

For more info on different types of tantrums and how to handle them check out this post.

 

Facebook
Instagram
Mental Health, Family, Parenting, Routine, Blog

9 things I wish someone had said to me when I had my baby

I was so cocky going into motherhood. Were you?

Even if someone had shared the wisdom I needed when I was crazed with my first baby I’m not even sure I would have listened.

But boy do I wish I could have taken in what I know now. It would have saved me endless heartache, anxiety, and self-reprimand.

So just in case there’s a mom to be out there who might have slightly less bravado than I did, and may just be open to hearing some sound advice, here goes:

9 things I wish someone had told me and I had LISTENED to before I had my first baby:

  1. You don’t need a perfect schedule.
    Babies end up pretty much the same with or without the obsession on when to feed, when to nap, when to sleep. (And man, I obsessed hard.)
  2. You won’t get a truly good nights sleep for about a year.
    You may sleep-train, co-sleep, or go with the flow. But no matter what you do your baby will have periods of sleeping through the night and periods of hourly wake ups for the entire first year.
    I fought it like Rocky Balboa with the first two. By the third I accepted it and we were a happier family for it.
  3. Creating good habits with your baby is important.
    Even if your schedule is loose, a morning routine, a sleep routine, and feeding routine will be anchors for years to come. And when the time is right those practices will help you slip into a more consistent schedule like a boss.     
  4. The MOST IMPORTANT  thing to focus on is your connection with your baby.
    Forget all the noise around you about the latest gear, the conflicting internet articles, your MIL telling you you’re doing it wrong. What matters MOST is your bond. Foster it naturally and tenderly. You’ll know you’re doing it right when it FEELS right.     
  5. It’s all in the BORING moments.
     The magic happens when your baby is simply looking around the room, or playing with yarn in the rug, or searching for your hair as they nurse, or crinkling a dry leaf outside. That’s the stuff. Not the instagrammable moments.
    In fact, do yourself a favor and catch THOSE moments on video. You’ll want them later. I so wish I had more of those.     
  6. Focus on the time you are WITH your baby, not on the moments you’re not.
    Let the guilt go. Give your full attention to the moments you are with your baby – the diaper changes, bedtime routine, bathtime, middle of the night feedings. If you can be fully present for those then you’re ahead of the game.     
  7. Model self-care from day one.
    Teach your baby that you’re a better mom when you take care of yourself. Make it a priority to take distance when you need it, go for a solo walk, meet a friend, read a book. And do it unapologetically, because it benefits your baby as much as it benefits you.     
  8. Make every effort to meet other parents with babies your baby’s age.
    Go to classes with them, go for a walk in the park, go for a smoothie. You need the support. But more than that, this is one of those periods in your life when you are primed to make Best Friends. It’s like roommates in college. Going through it together will make you blood sisters for life.     
  9. Know that there is NO RIGHT WAY.
    Parenting is about trial and error, taking a deep breath trying something and then trying something else. What worked yesterday won’t work today anymore. And that’s ok.

 

I don’t want to sound cocky here but you know what I wish? I wish there had been a Baby in Tune class when I had my first baby. I would have learned this stuff there. I would have found my best mama friend. I would have learned how to develop good habits with my baby and how to deepen our connection.

But alas, I didn’t have it. So I created the class because I wanted YOU to have it. 

 

On that note – we have new classes starting!! Some are in person in NY and some are on Zoom with me. I’d so love to see you there. Sign up for those here.

 

Also – have you ever wanted to lead baby classes? Or learn more about what it takes? My Baby Class Formula FREE Training starts TOMORROW!!

Join the Facebook group HERE.

 

Facebook
Instagram
Mental Health, Family, Parenting, Blog

How 2020 changed my life

2 Comments

Dear Tunester,

When I asked my girlfriends if we were getting together for our traditional laugh/cry year in review over wine, they thought I was joking. 

Are we really going to analyze our goals from last year, and see how they panned out? Are we actually going to plan new ones for this year? 

I say – YES. 

This year trampled over us like a toddler over their sibling’s intricate lego creation. All those tiny pieces laboriously assembled were broken apart in an instant.

But for me, this year has also been as monumential as it was disastrous.

And since Baby in Tune wouldn’t exist without you, I’d love to share it with you.

 

Here’s where I was this time last year. It’s comical:

I had just finished a 4 hour meeting with my business managers in which we’d strategized the hell out of 2020.

Ha. So many plans.

In addition, I had spent two months training no less than FIVE new instructors who would be leading groups in Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Queens.

I was working with a new web developer, a copyeditor, and vendors who were printing new flyers and swag.

I’d just launched a brand new online course that I had worked on for most of the year. 

Baby in Tune was about to become the Bugaboo of music classes! (At least, in my mind.) My entrepreneur self was leading the way with conviction.

 

And then – BOOM. 

 

Two days before the city closed down we went remote. Since we were one of the first to do it we actually received complaints. But soon everyone was on board and we all became so very acquainted with the concepts of quarantine and Zoom meetings.

Baby in Tune is one of MANY small businesses that suffered this year and I’ve had my share of tearful nights. But despite the challenges I’ve been pretty lucky.

So I don’t want to count my woes here. Instead, in the entrepreneurial spirit of my peppy female business mentors, let’s look at the many ways Baby in Tune, and I, have kept GROWING despite it all.

 

My 2020 in review – lessons learned, new roads taken.

 

  • I realized Baby in Tune classes work remotely.

It’s something I’d been wondering about for years. The business had been born and raised in NYC and it felt as if it was the only place it could live.  Which meant it was the only place I could live! COVID helped me realize that Baby in Tune can thrive without physical boundaries, and that’s been liberating for this mama.

 

  • I trained 5 instructors from around the world remotely.

Last year I trained 5 instructors in my kitchen and I was sure face to face over chocolate and popcorn was the only way. This year I did it remotely and it worked just as well. Not only that, the locations of the trainees ranged from Singapore, to LA, to Nashville. How exciting is that? I can now offer it worldwide and spread the Baby in Tune love (can we brand a bar of chocolate with that?).

Side note: Two of my trainees were moms who had taken BIT classes with their baby. It’s been so gratifying to see their transformation from exhausted and overwhelmed parent of a baby (as we’ve all been,) to empowered instructors who will surely touch other parents deeply.

 

  • I improved the online course

Not running around doing 15 classes a week gave me time to think more deeply about the mission of Baby in Tune. As you know, our classes go far beyond Twinkle Twinkle, and even beyond pure music. This year I tweaked the course to revolve more clearly around the main theme of Baby in Tune – helping parents learn their baby’s language.

 

  • With your help, we’ve created villages

More than ever, it was important that you find your village this year.  I mean, you were stuck at home, isolated, lonely, and bored. And that’s on TOP of the normal isolation and blues that we feel as new parents.  Despite the awkward muting and unmuting we found ways to feel natural laughing about not showering all week, crying about how the baby rolled off the bed right next to us, and letting each other know that we’ve been there. You showed up to class ready to support others and feel supported and it worked. 

 

  • I found a balance between work and play

A year ago I was a different kind of entrepreneur. I worked until the computer slid off my thighs and my eyeslids fell shut. I always had a never ending to-do list, I listened to business podcasts in my free time, and I got A LOT done. These days I let things go. You’ve probably noticed that you don’t always get a weekly Tuesday Tune In. Sometimes you even get it on a Wednesday (like today!). Who cares? Not me anymore. COVID knocked the overachiever out of me and showed me I have no control anyway. Pass the Haagen Dazs. Let’s watch Schitt’s Creek.

 

  • I went on a trip I’ve wanted to go on for a long time.

Remember the blog in which I wrote about COVID being an accelerator? Well, for me it turned my “someday we’re going to travel as a family” into “should I take the guitar AND the ukulele?” I’ve wanted to travel forever but haven’t been able to put the puzzle pieces together. How will we make a living? What about school? What about my business? COVID answered all of those questions for me. It said – now is the time. And I listened. These days my favorite moments are the 4 hour drives to our new destination – the kids safe in the back, all of our belongings with us, and the unknown ahead. I feel utterly grateful for the opportunity I’ve been given to follow our nose to the next destination. 

 

 

  • I started a travel blog

Did I just say I’m not an overachiever anymore? Well, now I have two blogs I am keeping up with. They’re both very different. One is for you all. My guiding principle with this one is that if it isn’t of value to you then there is no point. The travel blog is different. In large part it’s to keep anyone interested up to date on our whereabouts, especially my mom (do you want to stay up to date on my family’s road trip? Come join the list!). But it’s also for me. I know I’ll want a record of this time and a blog is my way of keeping a journal that holds me accountable. Who knows? Maybe one day It’ll turn into something else…

 

  • I’ve written new songs. 

With everything going on I’ve actually been creative this year. I think it had to do with me relaxing on the flow charts a bit. With my inner entrepreneur on break my musican self had some space to breathe. I’ve learned a bunch of covers and have written songs from the road. It’s refreshing to write with no pressure. I don’t expect the songs to turn into albums (do those still exist anymore?), I am not gearing the songs toward a specific market, I’m just noodling. The best place to hear those are on my travel Instagram account. 

 

 

So there you have it dear Tunie. Without a doubt I’ve been one of the more fortunate during COVID.  I’m very lucky that my husband’s job stayed a constant.  I meant that even during my sleepless nights regarding my business, I knew our family would be ok. So many did not have that luxury; they lost jobs, were sick, or lost loved ones.

 

So before I write off this year as a bust, I wanted to acknowledge that with your help, it actually paved the way toward directions I had only dreamed about prior.

 

Thank you all for joining me on this journey. Thank you for continuing to sing, learn, share, laugh and cry with me.

 

So what about you dear Tunie? Has this year pointed you in new directions? Has it trampled over all of your plans and you’re still picking up the pieces? Comment and let me know.

 

Wishing you a very warm new year full of plans that get broken only to point you in a better direction.

Love,

Vered

 

Facebook
Instagram
Rhythm, Vocalizing, Mental Health, Family, Parenting, Blog

The ultimate family road trip playlist

2 Comments

Guys, summer is finally here. And although Rona might not be going anywhere anytime soon, it’s time for us to move around a bit and get out there and explore. Safely, physically distanced, of course.

Grab your map and sunglasses, or rather your Waze, Cheddar Bunnies, apple slices, water bottle, sunscreen, lovey, paci, books, mask, and a whole lotta patience, and let’s do this.

In our family we torture our kids by making them sit in the car without any screens whatsoever. Can you imagine those poor tender youthlings with nothing to do but stare out the window?

I know. It’s modern day torture.

But gosh darnit the car is our time to sing together, listen together, learn and explore, and I’m not about to give that up.

So this week I’m solving for one part of your car ride equation. Behold the ultimate family road trip playlist.

It’s got Kindie, grown up, mine, and anything that I think feels like the top down and the wind in our hair.

Before you go ahead and listen, or maybe even while you listen, here is a quick recap of what you’ll find.

 

1.Movin’ Right Along from The Muppet Movie

When I was about 6 my parents took us on a road trip. I think we listened to the Muppet Movie Soundtrack 1,257 times. This song was our fave. There was no way I was about to do a road trip playlist without it.

 

2. Through the Woods by the Okee Dokee Brothers

These guys are the explorers of the Kindie (kid indie) scene. They explore nature like I explore family dynamics. Each of their albums takes you to a different nature landscape. And they’ve got a great vibe too. You might recognize Justin Lansing’s voice from my song More of a Baby.

 

3. Lovely Day by Bill Withers.

Something about Bill Withers has always touched me to the core. His effortless voice, no frills singing, and good vibe yet profound songs.

 

4. Unhurried Journey by Elena Moon Park 

Elena was once a part of Dan Zane’s kids band before she went off to do her own thing. It’s a good thing she did because her music is beautiful. This is from her new album and Elizabeth Mitchell joins her on this title track.

 

5. It’s My Mother and My Father and My Sister and My Dog by Barry Louis Polisar

You probably know Barry from the song All I Want is You on the Juno Soundtrack. But besides writing a kick ass movie title track he is also a kindie pioneer and this song is pretty entertaining.

 

6. Coniferous Trees by Molly Ledford and Billy Kelly

I’ve told y’all about this album before. I love it. It’s all about trees and its done so tastefully with humor, educational details, and beautiful melodies and production by Dean Jones. I particularly love this one. It’s like we are in the studio with them as they sing it.

 

7. You’ve Got a Friend in Me by Micheal Buble

Obviously this is a Randy Newman song and we all know and love it from Toy Story. But I felt compelled to add this version. Michael Buble is just so ridiculously perfect in his vocals. As much as I try to hate him, I really do love him. He always sounds easy going and upbeat and his singing makes me smile.

 

8. Rosie Darling by Joanie Leeds

If you make it all the way to the end without a bathroom accident, trantrum, fight with partner, or wrong turn I want to hear about it. I’ll send you a Vered shirt. Seriously. But if you do you’ll make it to this lovely song by my friend Joanie Leeds. This is from her new album produced by friend Lucy Kalantari.

So let’s do this. Let’s pile into the car, even if just to head from one side of town to the other, and play some tunes that will inspire, tickle, move, and groove.

 

HAPPY SUMMER!!

  

What are your favorite road trip tunes? Please share them below.

  

Do you know someone in need of a good road trip playlist? Share this with them and they will be forever grateful. And tell them to sign up for future Tune Ins too.

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

Facebook
Instagram
Vocalizing, Family, Parenting, Blog

How to write your family quarantine song

Dear Quaran-tunie,

Yeah, many parts of this period of our lives has sucked big time. BUT I wonder if one day we will look back on this time as a sweet one for our families too. A moment in which there wasn’t a feeling that time was limited and someone was always rushing out, to work, to drinks, to see friends. Rather there was a feeling of togetherness—you could even call it stickiness.

I don’t know about you but I’ve been feeling clingier to my kids and husband. I mean, it’s ridiculous, because we’re with each other ALL the time, but I still didn’t want my husband to take a necessary 3 hour drive to get our stuff. As much as I need space, I want them to stay near me.

The beauty of this pandemic epoch is that there’s a little bubble that’s been built around our families that disconnects us from the world, and binds us closer to each other.

Of course, this might not be the case for everyone. I’m sure parents who are also essential workers are having a completely different experience.

But regardless of the situation, we could all use this moment for art.

Instead of having just stories and photos from this time, we can make a simple song that you’ll sing to your kids and they’ll sing to their kids to bring back the feeling of togetherness that we had during this time.

And I’m here to help you make it.

 

Here’s how to make your family’s quarantine song:

 

Tip: Since documenting the songwriting process is so easy these days on our phones, I suggest you take advantage and have the camera ready for each one of these.

 

 

The improv approach:

This approach is good for kids who want to fly by the musical seat of their pants. It entails letting your kid riff and you following along. This can be done with any age.

With babies and little kids start, with a melody. Nothing complicated. See if they take the lead and you can follow. Repeat any words that emerge and add on.

With the bigger kids who are able to come up with full sentences, go with their themes. It doesn’t totally need to make sense. Just go with it! It can be gibberish with only some real words.

Here’s some inspiration: You know how Elton John and Bernie Taupin write songs? Elton John comes up with a melody and chord progression while mumbling vocalizations into a recorder. Bernie then takes the recording and turns it into comprehensible words and ideas. He plays off the jibberish sounds Elton John makes and also finds his own.

You can do that with your kid! Themes you didn’t know were there might emerge later on second listening.

Tip: Get physically relaxed. Feeling lazy and comfy is key to letting creative juices flow without judgment. My daughter and I often do this lying down in bed holding the phone over us.

Here is an example I did today with my daughter. She is probably older than most of your kids, so yours may have shorter sentences or even one word verses. That’s ok!

 

 

The Pen to paper approach:

This one is all about lyrics first. If your kid is old enough, brainstorm with them. If not, do it with your partner or even on your own. Come up with some lines to describe how you’re feeling these days.

For instance, the other day in class one of the moms (shout out to Kristen!) said this period felt like she was “cramming for finals and pulling overnighters, with no finals in sight. How long can it last?” I loved that line, jotted it down and it made it into this song (with her permission of course.)

Here is a tip: Think about how you have been describing your feelings and days to your family and friends. Most likely you’ve been using some of the same phrases. Go with those!

 

 

The movement approach:

Writing a song with movement means that you are bringing rhythm in with your body. You can do this while you walk outside, jumping over pillows, or running around the house. It is similar to the improv approach but you are just saying one or two words per movement. This strategy is good for the kids who need to be on the move while they think and create.

 

 

The storytelling approach:

Use a character to tell a story. The character can be your kid’s favorite stuffy, a character from a show or book they like, or made up on the spot. For instance, if your kid has a favorite panda stuffy, ask them: What does panda do in the morning? How does her quarantine day look? Tell your family’s story through panda. You can use a melody from a song that exists, for instance the ABC song, or you can make up your own.

 

 

The facilitator approach:

This one’s my favorite because I get to be involved! I propose we put aside a half hour in which I sit virtually with you and your family and help you write your quarantine song. I’ll help you brainstorm and then shape your lyrics and melody into a song. Then I’ll send you a video of how it all turned out.

Saturday night family activity: CHECK.

Do any of you remember when I did a kickstarter for my second album Hello My Baby? One of the prizes was writing a song with me and many of you signed up to do it. It ended up being one of the most delightful experiences of the whole album making process. We wrote some great songs! I’m fantasizing about that experience with you all.

Last week my talented friend Amelia Robinson from Mil’s Trills invited my daughter and I to her songwriting show to write a song with her for a nurse. The experience reminded me how wonderful it is to have a facilitator during the songwriting process. (Here’s what we came up with. No, my daughter did not let us get a word in edge wise. Yes, it seems she is the daughter of a diva songwriter.)

 

I’d love to offer that to you! If you’re interested email us at info@babyintune.com to book a time and find out the details. 

 

Ok dear quarantunies, I hope you are inspired to start your quarantune songbook with your kid. What an album it will be! Sure, photo albums are great. But this is an album you and your family can take with you everywhere.

 

Have you written any quarantine songs with your kids? We want to hear them! Please post below! Do you have songwriting techniques? Comment below!

 

Do your friends need some inspiration? Are they in a puzzle making rut? Send them this post to ignite their inner Elton John.

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

Facebook
Instagram
Mental Health, Family, Parenting, Routine, Work Shop, Blog

How to get through this? You’ve done it before

4 Comments

Does anyone else feel like all the cards have been thrown into air and you have no idea how they’ll land?

 

I mean, suddenly ALL the questions are top of mind.

 

On a broad level I’m talking about things like “Will the economy ever recover? And “Will life as we knew it – fights, restaurants, and events, and SUMMER – ever resume?

 

But even more so, I am talking about the fact that this crisis has made me question EVERYTHING on a personal level too. All of the questions that I normally push to the back of my mind have surfaced big time:

 

Like “Do we want to stay in the city or make a break for the ‘burbs?” And “What do I really want to be when I grow up?” And, the one I hate most, “Does THAT person have it figured out?”

 

Whoa. 

 

What a time. What a pause. What a weight dropped upon us.

 

And, what an opportunity.

 

Working remotely and having our kids “schooling” remotely has given us all the feeling that we can go ANYWHERE. 

 

Woohoo! We can go anywhere! 

Oh shit, we can go anywhere.

 

This is a problem born out of priviledge, no doubt. It is hard to complain about too many options. But the fact is that sometimes limitations can be more comforting.

 

These days it feels like we are all operating at a steady simmer of unease, confusion, and overwhelm. There are so many unknowns and the rules that we normally live by keep changing. 

 

But here’s the thing: You know how to get through this. In fact, you’ve done it before. You’ve had these same questions arise with a lot of the same confusion, lack of control, and overwhelm. 

 

And it took a while, but you made it through to the other side.

 

Do you know when that was? When you had your first baby.  

 

Let’s go back even further. Remember before you had a baby when you thought you knew exactly what you wanted your life to look like? (That was so cute!) You wanted an exciting place to live, some adventure, some times to remember . You had ambitions and you worked to achieve them.

 

And then came baby. And everything was called into question.

 

Like – what is truly important to me? Is it this job that I’ve been working so hard to excel at or is it staying home with baby? Where should I raise this baby? Near the grandparents I’ve spent the last 10 years distancing from? And who am I again? What happened to the  laid back cool girl, and who is this micro-manager who has surfaced?

 

Remember that? Well, there’s something you did then that we can learn from now:

 

You gave it time. 

 

You realized you had to put aside looking for answers in order to care for the baby. And, as the strain of those first months lifted you revisited the questions slowly and cautiously. 

 

You didn’t rush it. You knew you were still fragile and tender. You knew you were very similar to the baby who needed a whole lot of patience, cuddles, and soft singing.

 

You lived with the questions for a while and you slowly let the images of your next steps appear to you on their own. It wasn’t something you could solve right away. You had to live with the fear of simply not knowing.

 

It might have been painful. It might have brought a period of depression and hopelessness. It certainly brought a newfound respect for a long shower, a full night of sleep, and some eggs florentine on a Saturday morning, back when you called 12pm morning.

 

But your life was changed forever. And eventually your priorities felt more clear, you felt more human, more alive, more connected to every child, every parent, and every being out there.

 

You did it then, and you can do it again now.

 

The trick here, as it was then, is to find the courage to sit in the questions. To really cozy in to this deep pillowy seat of unknowns and breathe deeply.

 

One difference, which may be a bit comforting, is that we’re all having this baby together. You don’t need to look far to find your mama tribe and ask about the baby’s color of poop, you just need to hop on Zoom.

 

This week I listened to the latest episode of the podcast “On Being.” In it, Krista Tippet talks to Davendra Banhart about Pema Chodron’s book “When Things Fall Apart.” 

 

Since then, I’ve been reading every sentence of the book as if it is an instruction manual for this time. Here’s an excerpt  from  this beautiful book:

 

“Anyone who stands on the edge of the unknown, fully in the present without reference point, experiences groundlessness. That’s when our understanding goes deeper, when we find that the present moment is a pretty vulnerable place and that this can be completely unnerving and completely tender at the same time.”

 

So guys, let’s sit with this together. Let’s accept the unknown and the groundlessness with the knowledge that it will lead us to a more beautiful place.

 

“What we’re talking about is getting to know fear, becoming familiar with fear and looking it right in the eye – not as a way to solve problems, but as a complete undoing of old ways of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and thinking.”

 

How are you dealing with all the questions? Or maybe you don’t have them? We want to know! Comment below.

 

Do you have a friend who needs to know they’re not the only one tossing and turning in their sleep?  Send them this blog. Tell them to sign up for more.

 

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

Facebook
Instagram
Mental Health, Family, Parenting, Blog

How to get siblings to get along – Part 2

Hi Tunester, 

Last week we talked about IF, WHEN, and HOW to intervene in your kids’ altercations. We separated the types of fights into Lion Cub Fights and Helpless Rage fights and discussed what to do in each situation. If you missed it, click here.

 

Today we are covering more crucial info to help you help your kids get along.

 

But first, let’s remember that we’re all doing our best. We’re learning as we go. This is difficult stuff. Not only that, it’s NORMAL stuff. So be compassionate to yourself as you navigate this warzone.

 

Ok, let’s dive in.

 

1. Bigger doesn’t mean stronger

In the last post we said that in Lion Cub Fights we won’t intervene at all, and will let our kids be, completely, no matter what is going on. That might feel impossible to many. You might be saying – my older one will crush my younger! But ask yourself – is your little one tough? Can she/he defend themselves? If they are 5, 3, or even 1, I bet the answer is yes. If so, they do not need your protection. They are probably much stronger than you give them credit for. In a fight with their sibling they can take care of themselves. Not only that, there are advantages that only the smaller ones know how to use: crying first, getting more empathy, seeming weak, acting quick.

 

2. Find the time.

If you take nothing else from these two posts then heed this advice: Find time to be alone with each kid. I know you know this one and I know it’s not easy to do. And in quarantine it’s near impossible. Who has time for that? But parents,  it is one of the most important things you can do to keep the peace at home. 

 

Even if it is 10 minutes in a room with each a day. Put the other on a screen if you must. Or have QT as you sit with them by the bath, or as they help you make dinner, or as you play a game. It helps your child feel loved, seen, appreciated, and special. And that reduces the need for competition. I promise you it can make all the difference in how your kids behave with each other. Now here’s how you can make that alone time even more effective:

 

3. Witness their specialness. 

So much of sibling rivalry is vying for OUR attention and love. So let’s cut it off at the pass. Before they start to feel invisible and unloved and want to kill off their competition, let’s remind our kids why we love, appreciate and admire them. Go for the meaningful compliments about their personality, and their process – “I love how you thought so carefully about how you would build that tower and then you sat patiently and didn’t get up until it was done.” “ I admire how you see things in a unique way and make me see things differently.”

For an easy game to play in order to make this happen try this.

Since we are in triage mode during this quarantine time, make a rule for yourself ot say at least 3 of these types of compliments a day.

 

4. Team building.

  • Punish both. If you feel like you need repercussion, remember this rule. Punish both. Last week we talked about how each side feels equally wronged. It is important not to distinguish between punishments so that the kids don’t feel that we are blaming one more than the other.
  • Reward both. By the same token, when possible, reward them both. Have they gone a full day without altercation? Both deserve a reward for that. Make sure to find times like these. Have they gone an hour without an altercation? Prize!!
  • Team them up. Try to play family games in which they are on the same team against you or both parents. Let them band together against you. We want to do whatever it takes for their animosity to move away from each other, even if it means moving toward you.

 

5. Don’t spotlight the other.

When alone with one, don’t talk too much about the other. No matter what you say they will interpret it as you saying the other is better. Read: that you love the other more.

 

6. Unite the coaches – you all

  • Synchronize messaging. Worse than us taking on the roll of the referee is having two referees who disagree. In our home, my husband is quicker to defend the younger sibling and I’m quicker to defend the older. And that causes tension between us, and the kids are always watching. Talk to your partner about NOT refereeing, about the strategies you will start to use moving forward (from last week’s blog), and about keeping it consistent between you both.

 

  • Model communication. We need to model the type of interaction we are expecting for the kids. Tell your partner your own feelings instead of blaming. Meaning, instead of saying – “I’ve been watching the kids all day and you haven’t even picked up a plate.” talk. Explain. Say “Its been a hard day. I’ve been chasing them non stop and feel exhausted. And when you finished work and sat to look at your phone it made me feel resentful.” Show your kids how to communicate feelings and that when it is done well it repairs the rupture.

 

7. Educate

Talk to your kids about the nature of sibling dynamics. Explain what competition means. Explain why they are feeling it and tell them all siblings feel it. Tell them it is fine to feel rage but there are more productive ways of expressing it than through physical fighting.

If they need to get their physical aggression toward their sibling out, grab a pillow and let them punch, for a while, as long as they can. Let them yell all of their angry thougts and feelings. It’s a great way to release some of that energy.

But also explain how lucky they are that they get to work on peer dynamics at home. This is the stuff of life. We constantly deal with these dynamics at work and with friends. How lucky they are to get to practice with someone who will be by their side forever, no matter how bad it gets.

 

8. Remember: YOU are the object.

One last point. As we’ve talked about in these two posts, siblings are competing over your love and attention. They are angry at their sibling for taking attention away but they are angry at YOU for having more kids. But our kids can’t fully take it out on us. It is much safer to take it out on their sibling. Taking it out on us means risking pushing us away, or even losing us. I don’t mean this literally. We aren’t going anywere. But that is the fantasy of our kids. 

So in order to protect the relationship of your kids together, allow your children to take it out on you. Also, allow them to connect when they need. In fact, ALL of our kids’ interactions with us are vying for connection, even when they don’t feel that way.

 

Ok Tunie. I hope these posts help with your situation at home.

 

Need more help? I’ve got a workshop starting next week and there are still a few spots open.

 

Join us for a NEW ONLINE WORKSHOP FOR PARENTS – Individualized counseling on how to keep the peace in your home. Limited to 10 participants, meeting twice for 75 minutes. 

 

Thursday May 7 8:15pm

Thursday  May 14th 8:15pm

 

Click here to register.

 

I’ll leave you with a song I wrote on my album about siblings. All of the songs on the album have aspects from this post. This one was taken from a loving conversation my kids had over oatmeal one morning. 

“It’ll be oh it’ll be so good to be grown up with you. Cus it’s pretty good to be kids with you too.”

 

Facebook
Instagram
Rhythm, Vocalizing, Mental Health, Family, Parenting, Blog

6 Activity ideas for quarantine with a baby

Dear Tunester.

Do you have a baby 0-12 months old right now and are thinking—what the F**k? And HELPPP?

 

I mean, it’s hard enough to have kids of any age during this time. Mine won’t let me finish a thought without coming in to ask me to cut a rainbow, make a sandwich, play a game, or just to whine. 

 

Parenting during the Corona virus FEELS like that period of having a newborn for most of us. But you all actually HAVE one.

 

Which means, on top of  dealing with the insane reality we’re living in and being cooped up inside, you are just trying to figure out how to get through the day with no sleep, and a creature who needs tending to 24/7. 

 

So Tunie, I can’t do your laundry or babysit right now, but I can give you some ideas on what to do with your baby to feel more connected, more at ease, and help  you better speak your baby’s language. 

 

These 6 little gems will help you fill your day with giggles and restful naps. You might remember them from the Baby in Tune class. If you have taken it, use this as a refresher to help during those trying  days. 

 

1. The Mirroring Technique – Mirror your baby’s vocal sounds. Our babies register when we speak THEIR language. You can do this with older babies using instruments or vocals. This is the building block of connecting to your baby, making them feel heard and understood. If you’ve taken the class you remember how this technique can spur on a full back and forth conversation. In fact, this is usually the activity that gets dads feeling like – “yeah! we can hang!”

 

2. Passively Present Play – It takes focus to truly let your baby take the lead. Put aside your thinking self and join your baby with your sensing self. Try the exercise we did in class at home for at least 3 minutes each day. Get on the floor in the position your baby is in. Let your baby teach you how to be fully present and explore like a scientist.

 

3. Hand Gesture Songs – Your baby LOVES hand gesture songs. Remember the three types we talked about? 1. Just using hands, 2. Using hands + body, and 3. Using full body. Try these different types this week. Which ones does your baby like? (need a list? Email me.)

 

4. Rhythm Play – In our class we use rhythm in various ways. For this exercise, pat by their ears so they feel and hear the rhythm in stereo, and see if your baby becomes more alert or calm. Babies LOVE rhythm. Use the songs we did in class to drum on the rug or on pots and pans. Use dynamics (loud, soft, slow, fast), to keep your baby engaged.

 

5. The Songwriting Method – If you’ve taken a Baby in Tune class, hopefully you left feeling like anyone can write a good ditty, even the sleep-deprived parent. In fact, only you can write the PERFECT song for your baby. Using the steps we use in class it takes less than 5 minutes to write a whole song. Try to write your own each day. Go silly, go nonsensical, go poopy and pee-pee if you must. And when you remember the song you wrote the next day, that’s your hit.

 

6. Dance Party – Your baby loves to be in SYNC. And so do we! Dance parties are the perfect way. The best time to do it? Right when you can’t take it any longer. When you’ve been pushed to your limits and can’t change another diaper, bounce, shush, or sway for another second. Yup – around 5:00pm. Need a playlist? Here is mine.

 

Here’s the thing. Caring for a baby, especially right now when you can’t leave the house, is draining. It’s ok to sometimes feel angry at your baby for needing SO MUCH. It’s ok to not feel in love with your baby all the time and need some time alone. 

 

Activities like these can help us feel more in tune with our baby, and more attuned to our baby. When we start speaking our baby’s language through music, we start to understand our baby’s needs a whole lot more.

 

And that leads to more sleep, more peace, more joy, more snuggles, more smiles, more cooing, and less crying.

 

You know – that moment when you are both gazing into each other’s eyes and suddenly who cares if they woke you up every hour and a half? Connecting means shedding some of those indoor blues that we are all feeling right now.

 

And before doing these activities, try our “Three Breaths Technique” to bring you fully into the moment. Take in a breath and on every exhale think of something you are grateful for.

 

So let’s do this. Put the laundry pile aside, forget about the apple sauce crusted on the floor, put your phone in another room, and just be with your baby.

 

 

Do you know a parent of a baby who can’t sing Twinkle Twinkle one more time and needs some SOS activity help right NOW? Send them this.

 

AND – guys, I’ve got a big surprise coming to you THIS WEEK. Stay tuned.

 

COMMENT and let me know what your baby’s favorite activities are.

 

 
 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

Facebook
Instagram
Rhythm, Blog

THIS is what summer sounds like

You! Tuned-in parent. Sun! Summer is here. It’s my favorite favorite season. I don’t care how sticky it is and how much we sweat. We are finally free from the indoors! Our babies get fresh air! You with me?

 

We don’t despair by 5pm because we can just go outside. And see friendly faces. Whew! We made it. So now that we’re outside, I want to encourage you all to tune in to a different type of music: the sounds of the outdoors.

 

Here’s the thing – summer is also a good time to give ourselves a pause. Work places slow down a bit, we allow ourselves long weekends, and we even take full weeks off.

What does this mean for our inner musician? That we can relax into feeling more present. We can sit outside and take a moment to LISTEN.

How to tune in to the sounds of summer:

 

  1. Park. Try laying next to your baby on the blanket. Gaze up at the trees and the leaves with them. Listen to the birds overhead. Listen to how your baby might be mirroring those sounds.

 

  1. City. As you push your stroller, listen to the city life around you. Listen to the rhythm of human-made sounds as they interact with the sounds of nature. Is the wind moving objects on the street or sidewalk? Is a squirrel pitter pattering up a tree with stolen pizza in its mouth? Is there construction nearby keeping a beat?

 

  1. Beach. When you are at the beach, listen closely to the sound of the waves. So often we sit at the beach talking, reading or zoning out. Take a few minutes to tune In. Notice the rhythm of the waves. Here’s the best way to do this: As you watch the waves, take in a deep breath as the water pulls back and then breathe out as the waves crash. Breathing with the waves helps us really tune in to the sound and the rhythm of the ocean.
Water splashing up
My daughter experiencing a natural splash park

 

  1. Forest. If you are sitting in the forest camping or hiking, then sit quietly for a moment and notice the sounds. Do you hear gravel crunching? Do you hear mosquitoes nearby? Croaking crickets? If so, notice their rhythm. Notice how they all sing in unison. They are really rubbing their wings together like a violin.Interesting tangent – To get a rough estimate of the temperature in degrees fahrenheit, count the number of cricket chirps in 15 seconds and then add 37. The number you get will be an approximation of the outside temperature. There are perks to having kids in fifth-grade science!

 

  1. Waterfall. We tend to hear a brook, stream or waterfall and quickly process them in our brain as white noise. It is hard for us to keep our attention on the small changes happening within moving water. Pause for a moment try to see if you can tune in to anomalies. Where does the water fall out of stream? Is there a pattern that repeats?

 

  1. Pool. See if you can visualize yourself as a bird perched high above the pool or family event that you’re at. What sound landscape would that bird hear? Listen to the orchestra of kids playing and splashing water at the pool or the melody of the family barbecue’s low chuckling voices and high pitched toddlers. See if you can hear it as a landscape.

 

  1. Your baby. Finally, let’s tune in to our baby’s noises. In the summer, we tend to be more laid back and we allow ourselves a little bit more space for wonder and observation. This is a perfect time to really listen to your baby’s noises and speech. What vocalizations is your infant experimenting with? How high does their voice rise and how low do they dip? Are they experimenting with more noises that they like using their lips and tongue?Have a crawler or walker? How are they learning to say words? Are they learning through the melody? Do they have a sing-songy way of speaking?And for older kids tune in to their sounds. When they hum or sing a tune what does their voice sound like? When they speak to you do they tend to use higher registers or lower registers? Can you find your own sing-songy speech and how they mirror it back to you?

So do you hear it? My hope for you this week is that you take the time to try.

Stop.

Pause.

Breath.

LISTEN.

 

What do you hear? Share with us in the COMMENTS. It is inspiring to hear what others observe.

 

Want to inspire your friend to take a pause and listen to summer? Send them this Tuesday Tune In. Tell them there are alot more where this one came from and they are all as helpful.

 

Tell them to sign up for it below.

 

 

Love this blog and would like to receive more to your inbox? Or have a friend who might like it? you and they can sign up here:

Yes! Please send me more of the Tuesday Tune-In!

Facebook
Instagram
Parenting, Routine, Blog

Summer: Keep your schedule or toss it?

Dear tune-iverse,

The other day, I was hanging out with a friend and we were talking about how summer comes along and everything gets thrown off. All the little pieces of our lives that we managed to arrange, just so, tend to get all jumbled into a little fiesta.

We kind of go from my son’s dinner plate – nothing touching, everything in its place – to a messy, mixed-up Chipotle burrito.

It’s easier to stay out much later with our kids – picnicking, watching music shows, lingering at the playground or wading at the beach. And that means that our normal schedule goes off course.

I told my friend that I wanted to write a post about this and she imagined that I would be encouraging parents to stay on routine. That’s because she is Israeli and Israelis are REALLY GOOD at breaking rules. And you might be that way, too. Or maybe you are like me and need some permission to break the parenting rules.

So I wonder –

Where do you fall on the PSS (Parenting Schedule Spectrum)?
Yea, I made this up but I think it will help us figure out how to adjust to summer. I’ll touch on two extremes but there are many gray areas in between.

<Very Scheduled  / Somewhat Scheduled   /   Somewhat Unscheduled / Very Unscheduled>

The Very Scheduled Parent. Is this you?

This was me. Especially with my first. He was on such a tight schedule that I barely wanted to go to classes, or go anywhere really, in fear of throwing it off. He was a terrible sleeper and keeping to a tight schedule was my way of holding onto some sanity. It was a strand of control that made me feel like I could fix the situation and get my sleep back.

When summer came along we spent much more time outside with others and on other people’s schedules. It made this scheduled mom a bit uptight 🙂

So, I’m going to tell you what I wish someone had told me and what I now know after having my second and third:

 

Dear Very Scheduled Parent.
Relax. It is great that you have a schedule that you can rely on. You made it happen which means you can build it again. Habits are easily made and easily broken. Both ends work to our benefit. You can allow yourself to release it a bit every now and then.

Remember that summer is like a tight braid that can be slightly loosened in certain parts while still maintaining the braid shape. 

Go to the music shows. Stay out late. Have dinner at a barbecue with friends and your baby. You won’t do this every night and most nights your baby will be on your regular schedule. Straying a bit every now and then will not throw off your routine.

Bottom line: What do you have a schedule for if not to enjoy your time with your baby and as a parent? So let yourself Let It Go when the time is right. Allow your summer to be magical. You won’t remember the nights you got your baby into bed by 8pm. You will remember the first night your baby got to see fireworks.

Wild River Roller Coaster

 

And on the other extreme …

The Very Unscheduled Parent. Is this you?

This was me with my third. To you, I have a different message. This is the message my friend instinctually thought I was going to write in the blog because she was thinking about Israeli parents who fly by the seat of their pants and tend to know how to have fun.

Dear Very Unscheduled Parent,
Everything in moderation. You will have to find the right balance between letting the schedule go and taking baby to all the fun plans while also maintaining some routine.

Music can be exceptionally helpful during this time. Make sure to keep your lullaby going, use your morning song, your bathtime song, your diaper changing song. Those songs will help you and your baby anchor during certain moments of the day.

Try to put baby to sleep at the same time at least 5 out of 7 nights a week. Try to have the naps mostly be at the same time. This will be enough to maintain a schedule so that you and your baby can continue enjoying all the adventures that summer brings.

Our babies surprise us. I thought my baby would be so fussy if I didn’t have him exactly on our schedule. But, with time, I found that that was not the case at all. He was actually totally fine when we didn’t follow our regular routine. Maybe the strict routine was for me?

I also thought it would all be fiiiiiiine and my third would find a place to lie down and go to sleep when she was ready if we were out. She never did. And if we did many of those evenings we ended up paying a price in her increasing fussiness.

So our job during summer is to find the right balance. Have fun, Be spontaneous. Feel like your old self again. And at the same time maintain the foundation and hold up enough of a structure for you both.

What percentage are you planning to flex your schedule? Comment if you’re staying 100% the same (easy breezy!), 0% the same (adventure calls!!) – or somewhere in between.
Have procrastinator friends who are still putting off planning? Have prepared friends who booked camps a year in advance? Send them all this newsletter. We all need a little permission to find our flow this sun season.

Love this blog and would like to receive more to your inbox? Or have a friend who might like it? you and they can sign up here:

Yes! Please send me more of the Tuesday Tune-In!

Facebook
Instagram
Blog

How to survive a flight with a baby

Dear parents – Let’s tune in.

This Tuesday Tune-in continues our summer-transportation series. (Last week, I gave you a playlist to use in the car. Go here to check it out). Today, let’s talk flights.

Keep reading for my tips or watch this video of my kids and I on a flight.

Listen, if anyone is your go-to source about flying with babies, it’s me. Since my parents and my husband’s parents all live in Israel, we’ve been doing a god-awful, 12- hour flight every year since my first was born. We’ve done the flight at all ages, at all times of the day.

The other day, we did it again. Aside from not sleeping much, not receiving our kids’ meals and some puking along the way; I would say it went as smooth as a summer smoothie. But they haven’t all been that way.

You see, I’m over the hellish-flight hump. Once your youngest is at least 4 years old, flying is a breeze. You know how I know? Because these days I don’t think twice about packing TWO hats in a carry-on hat bag. (Y’all know I have a hat fetish, right?) Would I have done that a few years ago? Hell no. It was wear it or ditch it.

Needless to say, I’ve learned a lot. And now I’ve divided it all into a few sections for easy, pre-flight scanning. This includes expectation setting, timing, dressing, eating, packing, playing, seating – and a few bonus secrets.

Are you braving a journey on a jet plane with your diapered companion? This one is for you.

How to Survive a Flight with Baby

Expectation setting:

  • Plan for it to be a bit hellish. Do your best to get through it peacefully but also know that it is just going to suck for a day and then its over. Also, know that the older they get, the easier flying gets. So you’ve got a few years in the bunkers (depending on how many kids you have) and then you’ll be cruising.
  • Loosen the rules. Allow stuff you wouldn’t otherwise. For me, that means unlimited screens, more junk food and less sleep.
  • Don’t expect to watch a movie or read a book. With little babies, you’ll be bouncing them to sleep in the carrier. With new walkers, you’ll be walking up and down the aisles feeling terrified with every turbulent bump that your baby will crash into an arm rest. You’ll also hope your neighbors don’t mind seeing your cute baby walking by. Again. For the thousandth time. As they are trying to sleep.
  • Surrender to jetlag. No matter how much you try to time the naps just right, it won’t really matter. Jetlag is a bitch. But it only lasts 5 days or so. Knowing this helps you to not stress about whether they sleep or not on the flight. Sometimes it is even better if they don’t because they start adjusting early.

Timing:

  • Avoid traveling when baby is 10-18 months. This is because of what I said above re: walking up and down the aisles.  Doable, and I’ve done it, but not ideal.
  • Aim for a flight time that takes off 2hrs before we want them to sleep. This timing is particularly for long flights because there is a lot of activity in the first two hours (takeoff, drinks, food, etc) and when that’s over it’s their usual bedtime. Plus, the cabin will be quieter for them by then. Our preferred time is a 5:00-7:00pm flight.

Dressing:

  • Wear slip-on shoes. Baby is in the carrier; bags are on your shoulders; and then they tell you to take off your shoes. No problem. Just slip them off. Same with bathroom trips while wearing the carrier.
  • Wear pants with big pockets. This is a life saver. Try not to wear yoga pants or tight pants that won’t store key items like a boarding pass, pacifier, tissues and EVERYTHING else.
  • Wear socks. It gets cold on flights and you won’t be able to fix yourself that perfect blanket/pillow cocoon that you once could before baby.

Packing:

  • Pack lots. Lots of pacifiers, three bottles, an extra change of clothes on top of the extra change of clothes, an extra blanket. Whatever you can reasonably carry.
  • Prep relief for ear compression. Two age-appropriate ideas have worked for us:
    1. For younger babies – Nurse during take off and landing to make sure your baby is swallowing often which will relieve ear compression.
    2. For older babies – Bring lollipops for take off and landing. My kids still ask for them even now that they are older. It is a ritual that helps them through the transitions. Sort of a mini-party during the worst parts of a flight.
  • Store wipes. And have them in every bag and pocket ready to go.
  • Carry on a box of empty plastic bags. These will be for diapers, garbage, etc.
  • Mission critical: Snacks. For long flights, your child will need lots of options. And, perhaps more importantly, so will you. Flying with a baby is exhausting. Pack your favorite snacks for yourself to give yourself mini pats on the back.
  • Remember the changing pad. It is almost impossible to do it in the tiny bathroom cabins. I’ve done it but it isn’t a picnic. So if you can, it’s best to do it on your lap in your seat. If your baby is very young, even the poop won’t be that offensive. So have a lightweight changing pad ready to go.

Playing:

  • Stickers. These are the best because they are a clean activity and don’t have things that roll away and get lost.
  • Painters tape. My favorite trick was always to bring painters tape and put little pieces all over the seat. My babies would spend hours taking it on and off.
  • Markers or pencils. If you do bring these, have them in a zippered case and be prepared to lose half.
  • Water-marker books. These are genius.
  • Books. Lots of them. Soft cover are ideal so you can fit more in the bag and they’ll be lighter. (Not sure if I need to say this but I mean books for them. You won’t be reading much.)
  • Shows. Obviously, if your baby is older then screens will be your savior. Remember that not all planes have a place to charge your device so bring a few. Headphones are key. Download all programs and movies your child loves. They’ll go through many.

Seating:

  • Car seat vs. Carrier. We always went with carrier. Our babies didn’t want to sit in the car seat anyway and fell asleep easily in the carrier. But it meant hours standing by the flight attendant area bouncing. Again, it’s all in your expectations. If you plan for those moments by the bathroom (and snacks), you won’t mind it.
  • Bassinet. For international flights its very nice to have the bassinets for babies under 6 months. Book your ticket way in advance for that because they tend to fill up.
  • Anywhere but the back. Book a seat not too close to bathroom because of noise/odor/light
  • Aisle vs window. If there are enough of you, then you’ll be lucky to have both options in a full row. Put baby toward the inside and sit on the aisle. If you are traveling solo with the baby, go with aisle so you can get up to soothe, etc.

Bonus: Secrets

  • Music. Yes, I am biased but music has saved me many times on a flight. Here are some of the ways:
    1. Lullaby. You know by now that I believe in the power of the lullaby. It is portable; it acts as a behavioral cue; and it is soothing in and of itself. On the flight, take your baby aside and use your voice to create a bubble around you and your baby. Use your voice to recreate your normal environment.
    2. Soothing song. If you have taken my classes, then you know exactly what I am talking about and how to use it. If you haven’t, you can find the song on Spotify at Vered and I will explain it further in a future blog. But the idea is – bounce, let your voice resonate, use a repetitive sound. Hold your baby with your voice.
    3. Classical. If you are really desperate and your baby is not calming down, then you might want to try classical music in headphones. It has worked for me before.

Are you nervous? Don’t be. You can do this. Most of the time you will be pleasantly surprised that it was easier than you thought it would be.

It is a short run and then you’re done.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!

I know because I did it. Seriously watch the video of me doing it alone with my three kids. Smooth travels!

What has been your saving grace on a flight with a child? Comment below to add to this list.

Know someone flying to visit friends, family or just for vacation? Send them this post if they love lists as much as I do.

Love this blog and would like to receive more to your inbox? Or have a friend who might like it? you and they can sign up here:

Yes! Please send me more of the Tuesday Tune-In!

Facebook
Instagram
Blog

5 musical family activities

Dear tuned in parents,

Today is all about family fun.

Most of you connected with me when your first baby was tiny. Now, many of you have bigger families. I had your entire crew in mind when I wrote today’s Tuesday Tune-In on how to use music to bring everyone in your home together, including grandma, grandpa and all the rest.

I don’t know about your family, but mine can sometimes be a little serious. But I have memories of my parents sitting in the front seat of our brown Buick singing harmony together and smiling. No matter what tension happened a moment earlier, music seemed to be the salve.

Those kind of memories shape us. We try to recreate moments from our childhood that felt most connected and happy. Of course we also try to recreate moments that felt most difficult. We’ll leave that for therapy.

For now, let’s work on having experiences with our kids that feel free, joyful, and loving. The more we do the more it will teach them how to make those moments happen on their own. Who knows? maybe their whole career will be informed by it (See: Baby in Tune.)

Here are 5 activities that work for any age:

  1. Karaoke

Recently, I was in Florida with my extended family. My mother had just bought a Madonna circa Express Yourself tour type microphone and a small speaker for a project she was doing and it gave me an idea. After dessert, we connected it to the television and – voila! We had a karaoke set-up. These days it’s so much easier to set up karaoke than it used to be. In fact, all you need is YouTube. YouTube now has endless karaoke tracks of instrumentals songs and scrolling lyrics.

 

The youngest picked their songs first. There were lead singers and backup singers who enthusiastically belted out the chorus. It made my sometimes-serious family really loosen up.

 

If you want to take it to the next level, and I really think it’s quite necessary, invest in a small microphone and speaker. It doesn’t have to be fancy. And you don’t even need to get a microphone stand. You can get a lavalier which is a microphone that goes around your head.

 

  1. DJ in the car

How are your long car rides these days? Ours have been saved by two things: podcasts and car DJ. I’ll talk about my favorite podcasts in another blog. Let’s talk DJ.

 

The idea is that each family member gets to pick one song and we go around in turns.

For instance: my four-year-old daughter always chooses “Sofia the First,” my eight-year-old loves that song “Go the Distance” from Hercules. And my 10-year-old has been digging the a cappella group Pentatonix. I may choose an Elton John song and my husband often goes for a song by Arik Einstein or another Israeli singer.

 

What I love about this game is that we all get to listen to each other’s songs of the moment.

Sharing songs is like sharing a feeling. When we all sit and listen quietly to another family member’s song we feel HEARD, and happy that the people we love may also develop a love for that song.

 

  1. Dance parties

All of you who have taken my classes know that I’m all about dance parties. I especially love them at the witching hour. What could be better than pulling out your favorite dance song and getting down right when you thought life sucked the most? You know what it does? It makes it all better. And when you do it with the whole family, it turns it into a moment you don’t want to forget. Try it tonight. You’ll see.

 

  1. Call-and-answer songs

For those who went to camp this one might sound familiar. Call and answer songs are the ones where a group will sing something and one person will have to respond. For instance: “Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?” These kind of songs get everyone singing and brings even the quietest family member who didn’t want to play into it.

 

When I was a kid, we used to sing a song called Loddy Lo Chubby Checker. I am so glad I am writing this blog because until now I kind of thought my parents had made it up. But it’s a thing! I love this one because we would make up verses and rhymes and then the whole family would sing – “Hey loddy loddy lo!”

 

I have no doubt that that song had a big influence in teaching me how to write songs and how to rhyme. It teaches kids to stay in rhythm and think on their feet.

 

  1. Sound orchestra

This one is my favorite. I actually haven’t done this with my family yet but as I was brainstorming for this blog I remembered this. I can’t wait to try it.

 

Here’s what it is: One person starts some kind of repetitive sound. It can be non-vocal like tapping your knees, making a funny sound on the car seat or tapping things together. Or it can be vocal like a melody, a repetitive baseline or clucking your tongue.

 

After that person has done their sound for a few moments, another person comes in with their sound. Then another, then another. Eventually a soundscape is created with everyone’s sounds together. It’s always so fun to be the last to add your sound to the orchestra, too. You’re able to fill the space with what is needed – a very high melody, a syncopated rhythmic sound, or a bass line to glue it all together.

 

I remember one time when I was eight and in the car with my cousins, on my turn, I repeated words on a highway sign – “Tuckerton Lumber, Tuckerton Lumber” –  in my lowest voice and accentuated the T and the K. To this day, every now and then one of my cousins will break into a round of “Tuckerton Lumber.” It was a hook!

 

Now you have 5 new tricks for making your family time a bit more musical and a bit more fun at any age. It may even be a moment that you and your child remember years and years from now.

 

How do you use music for family QT? Reply and let me know.

And what artists and tracks are your go-to for these moments? Comment here because we all need inspiration.

 

Have a friend who wants ideas for family time? Make their day and forward this along.

Let’s be honest we can only play board games and do puzzles for so long

Facebook
Instagram
Uncategorized, Blog

6 things I do to feel more present with my kids

Dear parents,
In this Tuesday Tune-In (coming out a little later than normal becuase I had a show this morning,) we are tackling why it’s so hard to be PRESENT with our kids – or with anything for that matter – and what you can do to get in the moment.

These days we are inundated with information: podcasts, articles, emails, texts, social posts. I don’t know about you but I definitely see a difference in my ability to stay focused on a task. I find myself glancing at my phone habitually. In addition, for those of us with babies, lack of sleep makes it almost IMPOSSIBLE to keep our presence on one thing.

Sometimes it’s also hard to align with our kids because, the truth is, they inhabit a different reality than ours.

Grown-ups: Think about the past, present and future at the same time.
Kids: Think about right now.

We can be at the playground watching our kid with hawkeyes climbing the slide, while thinking about what we will make for dinner, when a second ago we thought about what an ass we were at yesterday’s meeting.

Meanwhile what are they thinking about? Climbing the slide.

It can feel so exhilarating to be with them with that amount of presence. Our kids are naturally fully present in everything they do. The younger they are, the more present they are. It’s instinctual for them.

And it can also feel exhausting. Which is why we sometimes crave conversation with other adults who share our experience of being in the world for a while.

But with practice, we can drop into our kids’ world that is completely mindful and present. And then what happens? We truly enjoy our time together. We notice how precious every little bit is – the way they pick up a marker, the way their nose moves while they speak, the way they look at us with adoration.

6 things I do to feel more present with my kids

1. Tell them ahead of time that we will be spending time together.
I find this works both for them and for me. If I tell them in the morning that we will have some time later – or even if I tell them on the way back from school that we will have an hour to play together – it helps me prepare and holds me accountable. The problem I run into if I don’t do this is trying to do three things at once, including being present with them.

2. Put my phone in the other room.
For me, this one is essential. I’m an addict like the rest of us – always feeling the pull to glance at my phone. Putting the phone in the other room helps me realize I don’t need it and makes it physically difficult for me to get to it. Laziness is good for something.

3. Make my day as productive as possible so that I can release it.
The days I feel most present with my kids are the ones in which I manage to be very productive. For me, that means keeping to my to-do list and not getting distracted by social media or even email. If I’ve had four hours of focused productivity, I’m usually in a pretty good mood once I get to the kids. So, I consider building my productivity skills to be essential to how I mother.

4. Put on music.
Usually, after we get home from school there is an hour of acclimation. Snacking, changing clothes, running around, fighting with siblings. But eventually we calm down. At that moment, especially if my intention is to feel present with them, I like to put on some music that will calm me, first of all, and them as well. That can mean anything from vocal jazz to Motown to 80s pop or classical. (What music do you put on in that pre-dinner making hour? I would love to hear in the comments)

5. Sit where they are sitting.
This one might sound silly but for me it makes a big difference. When we’re playing together, I can either say, “Come sit with me at the table” (because most often that’s where I am). Or I can finish what I’m doing and go sit where they are sitting – on the carpet, in their room or sometimes even in the hallway. When I do that, I immediately feel the shift. They are aware that I’m putting aside the time to be with them and I’m meeting them where they are.

6. Take a moment to notice that nothing else is more important.
I know we know this but sometimes it takes reminding ourselves a few times a day – or even a few times an hour. At that moment, when we want to extract ourselves from playing with them – talking to them, sitting on the floor, playing hide and seek or whatever it is – we need to ask ourselves: What is actually more important?

For me, the answer is almost always: nothing.

I hope you enjoyed reading the 6 things I do to feel more present with my kids.

What would your kids say you do to be present with them? COMMENT below and let me know.
Sometimes thinking about it from our kids point of view helps us see what’s working and what’s not. What comes to mind for you?

Know more mindful parents? Share this Tuesday Tune-In.
They’ll love the tip about sitting where they are sitting – and hopefully the other five, too. Forward this email their way as a way of saying you’re proud of their intentional work..

Love this blog and would like to receive more to your inbox?

Yes! Please send me more of the Tuesday Tune-In!

<!–End mc_embed_signup—>

Facebook
Instagram
Blog

A surprising way to soothe your baby

Hello, tuned-in parents,

Today we’re going to talk about a technique that is used in music therapy called Vocal Holding. I think you’ll find that it is a nice alternative to purely consoling our babies with speech. And you might even find that it works better.

I had to use it just the other day.

We had received a new peeler in the mail and my daughter was excited to open the package as usual. Before I knew what was happening she got a surface cut on her finger. The site of blood and the surprise of the cut set her off and she started crying inconsolably.

I held her and – instead of empathizing with her through speech – I matched her sobs with the sound “ah.” I made my sound fit in the same phrase/length as hers and took in breaths at the same time.

Slowly, her cries tapered and we sat together silently. It was my way of acknowledging her pain and being available to her in a purely emotional – not intellectual – way.

Vocal holding is a technique developed by Dr. Diane Austin, who uses it to relieve adult trauma. It is an effective way to do psychotherapy that can be more emotional and less analytical than talk therapy.

The idea behind it is that the therapist uses her voice as a way to hold and support the client. In talk therapy, a patient might share something that is troubling at home. The therapist might reflect back to him what she said using other words or sometimes even the same words exactly.

The therapist might ask an open-ended question like, “How did that make you feel? Or in another instance the therapist might provide an intervention or an interpretation of what the patient is saying and feeling in order to help him advance and break out of old patterns.

Vocal holding does these things but with the voice.

When our children are upset about something they need us first of all to empathize and understand what they’re feeling. We can do this by telling them that we see they are upset, that we understand what happened, that we know it is hard to feel sad/ hurt / frustrated /etc.

But sometimes saying it is not enough. And when the crying continues it is often because our children need to continue to express their feelings. Our job is to allow space for that to happen.

In order for us to do that we need to feel okay with an expression of emotions. We need to not be scared of it rather welcome it.

In these situations vocal holding can be a great way to hold that space for our children. As you know, singing bypasses the intellect and comes from an emotional place.

How to try Vocal Holding:

  1. Match your child’s tone. If your child is upset, sing along in their exact melody and take breaths where they do.
  2. Take turns. If your child is not upset, this alternating method can feel like a vocal conversation with improvised sounds.
  3. Harmonize. If your baby is singing a repetitive melody, accompany them on an instrument with one or two simple chords.
  4. Sing in a lower tone. If your child is calm or upset, improvise using a resonant sound as if you are providing the foundation on which your baby can emote.

Next time your baby cries you might want to experiment with using this surprising way to soothe your baby to help her feel heard and understood.

Has your baby responded to musical soothing before? Did your upset baby love your humming or toddler want to hear a calming song?
Comment here so we can figure this out together.

Who in your life is open to new techniques?
Forward this to them so they can try vocal holding.

Love this blog and would like to receive more to your inbox?

Yes! Please send me more of the Tuesday Tune-In!

Facebook
Instagram
Blog

You don’t need to enrich your baby

8 Comments

Today, I’m going to share 1 tip & 1 activity that releases yourself from the nagging belief that we need to do all kinds of things in order to enrich our babies.

Welcome to the Tuesday Tune-In. Here we go.

We really do drive ourselves crazy, right? It’s an epidemic of our generation. We had babies later in life than our parents did and had more time to feel independent, pursue careers and support ourselves than our parents ever did. We know how to get shit done.

It’s no surprise we feel a constant urge to enrich our babies.

We bounce through the night while scrolling through bits of information on how to do things best. Like business conferences, we absorb new information from our new friends and classes. And, as we go, we start to feel little pangs of stress. We look at the other babies and we wonder why our baby isn’t rolling yet, crawling yet, standing yet, talking yet or walking yet, like the other babies. That’s when we think we should be doing even more enrichment activities.

I know this all firsthand. I, myself, am an alpha mom type. In my case, with the second and third baby, I learned an important lesson:

Our babies actually don’t need us as much as we think.

They don’t need us to actively show them things. They are constantly exploring. They are natural scientists who are constantly gathering data from their surroundings. They’re finding patterns, noticing repetition and are continuously watching us very closely.

When we set out to actively enrich them, they don’t learn from our lesson plan, they learn from our unconscious behavior.

Babies are like mirrors, imitating our moves, our style, and our social behavior. Then we, in turn, mirror them back.

So here’s the tip for today: Let your baby lead you for 3 minutes (or more!)

  • Where to be: Join your baby in the same position he or she is in. If she’s lying down, lie down next to her. If he is sitting playing, sit next to him. If she is on the move, walk with her and explore what she is exploring.
  • What to do: Try to experience what she is experiencing. Try to imagine what she’s feeling in her hands or in her mouth. Now, all you need to do is try to see the world through her eyes.
  • What to say: You don’t need to say anything or do anything. Your baby is doing it all for herself. We are just there to be present with them in their exploration and get a lesson from them on how to be present in play.
  • What to watch: Look at your baby solely to see where they are looking. This is a mindfulness exercise. It is much more challenging than it sounds. (We spend most of our time gazing at our babies because they are beautiful and fascinating.)

What you may find is that your baby is on a constant quest to learn. He or she doesn’t actually need us to be the teacher. They just need us to make the classroom available. And the classroom is everything around us.

By the way, this is not just for babies. This is for kids of all ages. The 8 year old who is building stuff out of lego or boxes might want us to just sit nearby and be present with them. The 4 year old coloring might want us to join them in their process without showing them what to do, or even doing anything ourselves, rather just silently noticing or commenting on the process.

So the bottom line: You can relax. Your child knows how to learn. You just have to set the stage and let them lead.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how stressful has it been planning enrichment activities? COMMENT below and let me know.

Is our neighbor doing more to make their baby a genius? Heavens no! Have you ever felt that? how do you handle it?

Ever want to be a mythbuster? Share this Tuesday Tune-In.
Share this with your parent friends and bust the enrichment myth wide open for them. You don’t know until you know!

Love this blog and would like to receive more to your inbox?

Yes! Please send me more of the Tuesday Tune-In!

Facebook
Instagram
Blog

One way to feel happier today

Hello, dear parents,

Today’s Tuesday Tune-In highlights a simple and quick happiness technique. I use it in groups all the time and do it on my own as well.

It involves two things: Grounding through breath and feeling grateful.

I write to you today from sunny Florida where I am spending spring break with my family. It’s pretty easy to feel happy when on vaca heading for a morning run on the beach. But even here, with family dynamics abound and surprises that arise I need to keep this easy tip in mind. And in my day to day I do this ALL the time.

There’s so much research in positive psychology that shows the benefits of having a gratitude practice. In short, it makes us happier.

This is a technique you can do while you’re breastfeeding, pushing a stroller, changing a diaper, or even while your baby is crying in your ear.

We all need a go-to technique when we are experiencing lack of sleep, hormone shifts and the endless physical exertions of parenthood.

Plus, not sleeping enough makes us irritable. We can have 5 highs and 5 lows all in the same hour. Our inner resources are depleted and annoyances that we might have been able to handle otherwise become too much.

Along with all that, caring for a baby means constant trouble shooting and that is stressful. Every time I had a small baby, I felt I was in survival mode during the first year.

This technique is also good to turn to when you have way too much on your plate, like I have had recently – growing my business, ushering one kid into middle school, making time to be fully present with the kids at home, working late hours, preparing for summer, keeping healthy and a thousand other things that I’m sure you relate to.

So what can we do? It’s so simple. It’s so short. And it’s also so effective.

My happiness technique: 3 Grateful Breaths

Take in 3 deep breaths. On every breath out, think of something you’re grateful for.

Don’t plan ahead of time what you’re grateful thing will be. Let it come to you as you start to breathe out. Let yourself be surprised by what it might be.

You may feel grateful for big things like your kids, your partner, your health, etc. Or you may feel grateful for things that seem insignificant and menial like forks, or diapers or a drink that you like.

In order to really tune in to what you’re feeling grateful for at that moment, let yourself really feel the breath in. Fill up your belly, your lungs, let your shoulders move and, rather than force in a deep breath, let yourself receive a deep and nourishing breath.

As you breathe out and think of what you’re grateful for, try not to just think it but instead  feel it. There’s a big difference between the two.

The way I gauge for myself whether I really feel gratitude in a particular moment is if I get the chills a little bit. When I breathe out and am really tuned in and feel deeply what I’m grateful for (whether it’s toilet paper or the health of my parents), I know I’m feeling it fully when I tremble just a little bit.

Three breaths seems like nothing. Can it really have an effect on your day? I think it can.

And the thing is, it’s so short and you can do it anywhere. If it can really make you happier , than why not give it a shot?

Try it. What popped into your mind? COMMENT below and let me know.
One time for me, it was iced tea. I thought it was silly but then realized it represented satisfying my own needs and I really was grateful for tending to myself, even in small ways. Yours?

Know anyone who breathes? Share this Tuesday Tune-In.
Seriously. If you’re alive, you can do this. It takes so little time and has such big impacts. Send this to your breathing friends.

Facebook
Instagram
Blog

One quick way to solve diaper changing

2 Comments

Dear,
People who deal with all the pee and all the poop: You’re going to love The Tuesday Tune In this week.

Ok. Spoiler alert: I tell you how to write a Diaper-Changing Song. We all need one as bad as we need hand sanitizer.

So I bet you didn’t realize how deep in shit you would be as a parent.
How many times a day do you deal with it? Checking, smelling, getting supplies, and cleaning.

And, on top of that, if you have a baby who’s older than eight months, diaper changing has probably gotten pretty challenging. It doesn’t feel good to pin your baby down – I know.

So I’m going to give you the tip upfront and you can read down below to find out how to do this and when it’ll work. It’s so simple:

Use a Diaper-Changing Song.
Yes. Sing while you wipe. It can be about pee, poop, diapers or anything really. A Diaper-Changing Song is part-reminder, part-timer.

Here’s what I mean:

1. It lets your baby know that changing is about to happen.

If you start to sing your Diaper-Changing Song as you are bringing the diaper and as you start to undress the baby, then your baby will know it’s coming. Part of what they hate so much is that you are interfering with their exploration. So they protest: “What are you doing? I was just in the middle of something.” A song can let them know that diaper changing is on the horizon and can help them prepare.

2. It can be a good time keeper.

Your baby will start to recognize your two-minute song. He/she will know the beginning, the middle and the end of it. Babies seem to understand song structure. Often in my groups, babies as young as eight months old start to clap toward the end of the song because they know it’s about to end. Use the song as a way to tell your baby how long the diaper changing will take. It will behave like a sand timer and your baby will feel a bit more in control.

Don’t have a Diaper-Changing Song? I’m here to help.

Actually, you might you have a Diaper-hanging Song but you don’t think about it as one. So many parents in my groups tell me that they sing silly ditties about poop, about not peeing in your face or about staying still.

So don’t overthink it – just write your own. When you’re writing your song, you can just sing what you always say. Be playful with it. If you usually say, “Please don’t pee on me” or “You are a poopy head,” then put that in the song. It could look something like this:

“You’re my little poopy head
Let’s get you clean
Just hold still
And don’t pee on me”

I am sure you can come up something better than that. Get your creative juices flowing with a little inspiration: Check out my songwriting template here – it’s for Lullaby Songs but you can easily “change” it into a Diaper-Changing Song. See what I did there?

What song makes life easier at the changing table? COMMENT below and let me know.

Can it top: “Wipe wipe wipe your butt / gently wipe the stream”? Do tell. I love to hear what little ones respond to. Comment below.

Before your next diaper change … Share this Tuesday Tune-In.
Be the person who gives another parent this useful idea. Forward this email their way!

Facebook
Instagram
Blog

What Hamilton teaches us about being with our babies

6 Comments

This week, Broadway is my inspiration for The Tuesday Tune-in.

Art can teach us a lot about relationships – even the ones we have with our babies.

Let’s take a moment to consider “Hamilton.”

Whether or not you’ve seen or heard the songs from this Tony award-winning musical, you can benefit from one lesson I’ve taken away from it:


Stop saying – and start singing – every word.

In other words – Talk less. Sing more 🙂

 

Ok, I’ll admit – like many people in the United States – my family knows every single word to the soundtrack. It’s an album that we can all agree on. And even now, years after it had its heyday in my home, it is always a reliable go-to on long car drives.

 

One of the things that makes Hamilton so unique is that it is almost entirely sung. When you listen to the soundtrack, you’re pretty much getting the entire show. And for those who were lucky enough to see it, it’s an amazing experience to see an entire story told without speaking.

 

It reminds me of when I had my first baby and all the books and blogs said to narrate what I was doing with my baby. This would help him develop language, they all agreed. The idea was that the more language the baby hears, the more they will pick up on the sounds, syncopation and structure.

 

I tried it for a bit but, I have to say, it always felt ridiculous.


But you know what did feel right? Singing it.
For example: Picking my baby up from the crib,

I could say:

“I’m picking you up now and we’re walking into the kitchen.”

Or

I could sing:

“Let’s go into the kitchen, let’s go into the kitchen let’s find something to eat.“

 

As you go about your day, narrate it. Let your baby in on your story, on your thoughts and feelings. BUT don’t just narrate in words. Put it into melody, rhyme and rhythm. The more you do that the more your baby will be listening.

You can even challenge yourself to rhyme at the end of sentences. Hell, take a page from “Hamilton” (and rap and hip-hop) and see if you can even rhyme in the middle of sentences.

Here’s some inspiration. The creator of “Hamilton,” Lin-Manuel Miranda’s rhymes are so good they’ve been analyzed mathematically:

[HAMILTON]

“Thomas Jefferson, always hesitant with the President
Reticent—there isn’t a plan he doesn’t jettison
Madison, you’re mad as a hatter, son, take your medicine
Damn, you’re in worse shape than the national debt is in”
from “Cabinet Battle #1”

 

And once you do it, you may find that it’s hard to stop. Here’s how Miranda felt about it:

“We found that if you start with our opening number, you can’t go back to speech. The ball is just thrown too high in the air.” (Mental Floss)
Once you start singing what you’re doing to your baby, it will feel incredibly natural. There are a few scientific and emotional reasons for this.

First of all, it turns out babies are much more interested in hearing us sing rather than speak, according to a study in “Infant Behavior and Development” (2004) They hold their gaze longer on the singer and even move their bodies less signaling that we are holding their attention.

The next reason is because it makes us more playful. When I did this with my baby I was organizing my words into repeatable and simpler phrases, which rolled off my tongue more easily. I’m sure that was much more relatable to my baby. It was definitely more interesting for me.

The third reason? it just made my baby and I a little happier. Suddenly we were smiling; we were bopping to whatever I was singing; and I was making myself giggle at the rhymes and the silly melodies that I was coming up with.

The creator of “Hamilton,” Lin-Manuel Miranda figured out how to hold the attention of the world with just this type of rhyme and silly melody. He figured out that if he brought us a show that had a strong rhythm to it, syncopation that made us move, intricate rhymes, and clever phrasing, then it would hold our attention. (It doesn’t hurt to have a fascinating story and a hugely talented cast either.).

With those tools, he managed to tell one of the most complicated stories ever told on stage with a soundtrack that is listened to over and over and over by all ages.

 

So I say: Let’s take a lesson from Hamilton.

Let’s learn how to be more engaged, more playful and more joyful.

And, along the way, let’s star in our own home-made musical.

 

 

Do you star in your own home-made musical? I want to hear about it! COMMENT in the comment box below and tell us how you do it.

What’s your favorite “Hamilton” song? Comment and let me know.

Know another “Hamilton” fan? Share this Tuesday Tune-In.

If they know all the lyrics like my kids, I can assure you they’ll appreciate this read. Forward along!

Love this blog and would like to receive more to your inbox?

Yes! Please send me more of the Tuesday Tune-In!

Facebook
Instagram
Uncategorized, Blog

One trick to feeling good about your singing

Hi, tuned-in moms and dads,

This week in the Tuesday Tune In, I want to offer you a strategy for feeling good about your singing voice especially when singing with your baby.

You might be surprised to hear: Whenever I sit down at the microphone to record vocals for an album, I have a mini freak-out. I’ve never thought of myself as a great singer. What I really wanted since I was a kid was to be able to sing like Mariah Carey or Beyonce or other singers who seemed to have endless flexibility in their vocals. I hope you’re not reading this thinking – “Oh please. She has a beautiful voice.”

Because that’s my point:
Everyone feels insecure when they sing. (Even those who make a career out of it.)

If you haven’t grown up singing in your home or with your family or friends, then it probably feels even more uncomfortable and scary.

So, I’m going to give you a strategy.

Here’s a method that I use when I’m singing at the mic. I’m hoping it will help you when you are singing to your baby. Because here’s the thing: Your baby wants to hear you sing. More than Paul McCartney, more than Aretha. Your baby wants to hear YOU.

The trick to STOP JUDGING and START LOVING your singing voice:

1. Relax your voice by taking in a deep breath before each phrase.

This is important because if your body tenses, then your voice will immediately feel constricted. Once that happens, our brains recognize the discord and we judge ourselves from the get-go.

2. Hear your voice as if it is coming from outside of you.

As you are singing try to hear your voice as if someone else is singing to you. This is the hard part and the incredible part. You might need to close your eyes as you do this but if you manage to do it, even for a minute, you may feel soothed by your own voice. Instead of judging it, you may enjoy it. This is because we are much less judgemental of others than we are of ourselves.

This technique is a bit easier in a group when you can focus on everyone else’s voice instead of your own. We do this alot in our classes. When shifting our focus to the voices around us we notice that our own voice tends to be more in pitch, more relaxed, and seems to find its place among the other voices in an effortless way.

I learned this while recording my albums. My biggest task in the studio was to get out of my own head. If I didn’t, I could feel my inner dialogue getting the best of me just a few words in. My voice felt and sounded constricted and didn’t seem to flow. If someone could’ve record my thoughts during those few words, they would probably have seen a quick moving list of comments – “You sound terrible,” “You shouldn’t be singing this song,” “That note was off,” “Your jaws is not relaxed,” “Sara Bareilles sounds much better” or, “No one will want to hear this.”.

That voice can be SO loud. And while we all have a version of it, some hear it louder than others.

I know this from years of doing classes and singing with parents. Many don’t feel comfortable singing in a group or, if they do, they will be sure to sing under their breath so no one can hear.

There’s a good reason for that. Singing is not like talking. Speaking often comes from an intellectual place. But singing bypasses our intellect and comes directly from an emotional place. That feels vulnerable no matter who you are.

But that is what makes singing so powerful.

Tonight as you are singing a lullaby to your baby, try it. It’s a mindfulness exercise and it’s not simple but it’s worth it. Why not let you AND your baby be soothed by your voice?

How comfortable are you with your voice?
Have you overcome insecurities while singng? How?
I want to hear!! Email and let me know.

So many parents in my groups feel insecure about singing. Your stories can help them overcome their anxiety.

Love this Tuesday Tune-In? Share it with a mom friend or dad friend. The ones who sang at your wedding and the ones who won’t even karaoke. Forward away.

Love Vered

Sleeping Much? I didn’t think so.

Download the FREE Easy-Bedtime Lullaby Cheat Sheet now

Facebook
Instagram
Blog

5 Minutes That Will Change Your Day

Dearst parents,
I recently came across a way to get all the energetic upside of a gratitude practice AND all of the actionable results of a goal-setting practice. When I noticed the feel-good wave it gave me day to day, I knew this would be the first thought in my new Tuesday Tune-In blog series that I’d share with you.

It’s called The 5 Minute Journal and it’s the brainchild of self-experimenter and bestselling author Tim Ferriss (“The Four-Hour Work Week”).

I’ve woven it into my life since December and appreciate how simple it is. And for parents who may be sleep deprived – and are certainly time deprived – this is a perfect way to journal daily and check in with yourself in literally five minutes. Honestly, I can make it three minutes, so you can, too.

Notice my kids in the pic waiting patiently for me in the morning. I’ve trained them that this is two minutes of mommy time 🙂 And if your baby is too young to wait for you to do this then just know it is in your future!

The Five Minute Journal
In the morning, you write 3 (or more) points for each of these:

I am grateful for…
What would make today great?
Daily affirmations: I am…

In the evening you write 3 (or more) points for these:
Amazing things that happened today
How could I have made today even better?

I can attest: These little questions do a lot.

The question that struck me most was: What would make today great?

I’ve been surprised by the things I write here. They are often much smaller moments than I expected. And I feel empowered that they’re small enough that I can go ahead and try to make them happen the next day.

I urge you to go into this with curiosity – what are those things that would make your day truly great?

The evening follow-up –  What amazing things happened today?, might surprise you as well. Again, they might be big but they might be small.

Remember, it’s a few minutes and it’s truly worth it.

As it turns out, journaling is one of the top habits of successful people. (Oprah talks about hers here.) And a gratitude practice has been shown in Positive Psychology to improve our well-being, both long and short term. Just look to the empirical research in Robert A. Emmons and Cheryl A. Crumpler ‘s 2000 article “Gratitude as a human strength: Appraising the evidence” for the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, which he talks about here.

I know you are all busy – feeding babies, putting kids down, waking up early with kids and more. You may have NO TIME WHATSOEVER to journal. I totally get that. But in case you have just five minutes to try it, it might make your day great. Or amazing.

Did you get through this in 2 minutes or less? Reply and let me know.
I want to make sure that each weekly thought is useful to you – and not just one more lengthy article that you put aside for later. My goal is to make it short enough for you to digest it on the go. This way, you can take the ideas into your life with your baby and feel that much more present and joyful. Drop me a line here.

Love this Tuesday Tune-In? Share it with a mom friend or dad friend.
We all need a little love. Forward away.

Do you want to know everything there is to know about lullabies? Click here to download my new Easy Bedtime Lullaby Kit complete with a songwriting template, a playlist, and a gameplan to make your evenings easier for one and all.

See you next Tuesday,
Love Vered

Facebook
Instagram
Blog

Something Other Than a Mom

Some of my favorite classes to teach are dads groups. Usually they are organized by the moms who took my class, who want the dads to have the experience they did. And during those weeks I get to hear about it all through their eyes.

Much of the stuff they talk about is the same. The challenge of getting baby to sleep and not sleeping enough, not always understanding what baby needs and wants, and the absolute joy of watching their baby grow. But often they add the perspective that was missing when their partner took the class. While the mom on maternity leave may have complained about her husband not helping enough, the dad complains of not having enough time with the baby and not feeling confident enough to trouble-shoot because of that. While the mom complained about needing physical space from the husband and not feeling romantic, the husband says that he misses his wife, although understands the distance.

This article was written by my favorite dad blogger Jeff Bogle. He took my song to heart and wrote this beautiful piece perfectly illustrating this dads’ perspective.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/i-remember-when-you-were-something-other-than-a-mom_b_7188930

Facebook
Instagram