Category Archives: Mental Health

How to talk to your kids about race? Start with a song

Dear Tunester,

It’s been a week to end all weeks. I know we all feel raw, emotional, fragile, and scared. For ourselves. For our children. For the future. But I can feel change on the horizon. Can’t you? It keeps my hope alive.

 

It’s taken a lot to shake our country to its core: a pandemic that sent us into our homes indefinitely, caused financial insecurity for so many, and disproportionately affected the black community. And on top of that, another tragic, unnecessary death of a black American. 

 

We don’t have our regular trips to the market, days at work or pick-ups from daycare, to distract us from what is bubbling up in our country and in ourselves. And we get it (most of us). We feel it deeply.

 

This country needs to change NOW.

 

In today’s post I’m not going to give you a list of books for kids, or ways to educate yours. I know you can find that stuff elsewhere and you should.

 

What I can offer you is a new song to help you open the conversation with your kids.

 

It wasn’t easy to write it. It’s not perfect. But we’re all learning how to talk about this, how to understand the experience of our black neighbors, and most of all: how to take action.

 

The other day I opened the topic of race with my 11 year old. He said “I’m afraid to talk about it with friends because I’m scared I’ll say something racist.” 

 

Oh man. That hit me hard. Not just because it is sad to hear that he doesn’t feel he can talk about it but because I identified. I know he is expressing what so many of us feel all the time:  What’s the right thing to say to be supportive but not accidentally offend?

 

A couple of days later he told me a story I had never heard: a few years earlier he had said the “N” word at school. He didn’t know what it meant and was using it out of context. I’m not sure where he had even heard it to begin with. His teacher immediately reacted, brought the vice principal who spoke to the whole class about the matter. My son understood the gravity of it. He also felt ashamed to the point where he didn’t even tell me about it later.

 

So there you have point A leading to point B. 

 

Here’s a kid who was curious, did not harbor judgment, and was misinformed. Immediately, due to the systemic issues in our country he got the feeling that he should never broach the topic.

 

My son did not set out to discriminate. He was aware of our family value and the school value of acceptance. He just didn’t know the word or how loaded it was.

 

I wonder now if the school could have handled it differently, opening the conversation, gently telling a child what words are offensive, and welcoming curiosity and questions about difference.

 

That’s our job with our kids. Let’s teach them non-judgment and encourage curiosity. Let’s teach them words and phrases that might be offensive. And let’s teach them to ask their black neighbor if what they said is offensive in any way. 

 

That’s actually what I did yesterday after I wrote the song. I called a black friend and asked her to listen. I asked her if anything was triggering. I had never done that before about a song I wrote and I felt that was a big step in the right direction for me. 

 

So that’s what I mean when I say change is on the horizon. I find it very encouraging. But we need to go through lots of growing pains before we get there.

 

 

So how have you broached the topic with your kids? Please comment below and let us know. We all need some support on this.

 

Do you have a friend who could use a song to illustrate the predicament we are in? Send them the Tuesday Tune In and tell them to sign up below so they’ll get the next one too.

How to break out of the quarantine rut

Dear QuaranTunie,

Did anyone else’s week go by in a flash? Could May possibly be almost done? Is it Tuesday already??

This month feels so different from March and April which moved like a snaaaaaaiiiil. 

 

You know why? It has to do with newness and sameness, novelty and monotony. Let’s look back.

 

In March the crisis hit us in the face. We spent all of our energy and time coming to terms with the seismic shift in the world, the horror of it, the extreme upheaval in our lives.

 

April followed along after. We were still absorbing, buying masks, furiously scrolling through the news, anxiously trying to figure out the million educational apps sent by teachers, worrying about grandparents, cooking 17 meals a day, figuring out how to survive our day to day.

 

By the time  May hit we were used to the sitch. Not that we liked it, but we settled in. Stopped fighting it. We bought a few more boxes of mac and cheese and found places to order in from, we said f*ck it- my kid figuring out how to navigate Netflix like a pro counts as learning how to read, we accepted that we weren’t going to be the best parents during home stay, nor the best employees at our work. 

 

We found some sort of routine in the chaotic lack of routine or maybe we just fully surrendered. And slowly, days started to look the same. 

 

So here we are. We don’t see many new people (or many people at all), we don’t have many new experiences, we don’t go to many new places. We have  fallen into the humdrums of it. (Of course, those of us who are in the trenches of this crisis are having  a completely different experience).

 

And that’s when time flies by. When we don’t have newness, when there is nothing unordinary in our day, when we don’t encounter surprises along the way or have events to mark the time. 

 

Remember when we had mini new moments all throughout our day? A shy glance at a stranger at the supermarket after we made the peppers come tumbling down. A clever comment we made to a new mom friend at pick up. A presentation we kicked out of the park after sweating it out the night before.

 

In their book “The Power of Moments,” Chip and Dan Heath find that  we tend to remember ‘defining moments’; moments which are surprising, meaningful and extraordinary. When we have these moments we feel as if time is moving more slowly.

 

Think back to a time in your life when a lot of new things were happening—your first year of high school, a backpacking trip, your first months  of being a parent. I bet if we had met during that time you wouldn’t be saying “It’s Tuesday again?” Because then  every day was packed with new challenges and surprises.

 

Home stay means we aren’t having many new experiences that don’t involve our kids. Don’t get me wrong, those are PLENTY and are extremely fulfilling. 

 

But I’m here to push us to find some more this week.

 

According to the Heath brothers, these  are some elements that make for memorable and defining moments:

 

  1. Boost your sensory appeal. This week, buy some flowers for your home. Turn up the music, light some candles, tickle your senses.
  2. Raise the stakes. Push yourself to do a presentation you’ve been putting off. Play a game you’re scared to lose, set a deadline for yourself that you know is a big challenge.
  3. Break the script. Do something that surprises your spouse. Hell, do something that surprises yourself. Buy him/her a gift, create a surprise of some sort, or simply say something you don’t normally share.
  4. Find connection. Create synchronized meaningful moments with others. This one is harder to do in quarantine, but not impossible. (Baby in Tune is all about helping you do exactly this.)

 

This week in our classes, I gave you homework to find moments like these and you came up with some ideas for how you would do this. One of you said you would run outside after not running for a while, another said you would try to bake something new, another said you would take the family on a trip.

 

So now I’m giving you the homework too. Let’s find ways to make this week memorable. Let’s bust out of the quarantine humdrums and change it up. You might not be able to try jumping out of a plane at the moment but I bet you can find a risk to take this week.

 

And I want to offer one way I can help you do this: Last week I told you how to write your very own quarantine song. This week I’m giving away 8 FREE sessions to a family who wants to write a song with me. I’m just feeling it. It will hit a lot of those points the Heath brothers mention: sensory, connection, breaking the script. 

 

And it’s a win win. I get to break out of my quarantine blues too and connect with you all.

 

If you’re interested email me at vered@babyintune.com

 

So let’s do this. Let’s flip the script on quarantine and take back some of the power. Who’s with me?

 

Can you think of a way to stretch yourself this week and do something that makes you sweat a tiny bit? Share with us! We’d love to get some ideas. Comment below.

 

Do you have a friend who could use some coaxing out of the humdrums? Send them this post and tell them to sign up for the Tuesday Tune In.

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

How to get through this? You’ve done it before

Does anyone else feel like all the cards have been thrown into air and you have no idea how they’ll land?

 

I mean, suddenly ALL the questions are top of mind.

 

On a broad level I’m talking about things like “Will the economy ever recover? And “Will life as we knew it – fights, restaurants, and events, and SUMMER – ever resume?

 

But even more so, I am talking about the fact that this crisis has made me question EVERYTHING on a personal level too. All of the questions that I normally push to the back of my mind have surfaced big time:

 

Like “Do we want to stay in the city or make a break for the ‘burbs?” And “What do I really want to be when I grow up?” And, the one I hate most, “Does THAT person have it figured out?”

 

Whoa. 

 

What a time. What a pause. What a weight dropped upon us.

 

And, what an opportunity.

 

Working remotely and having our kids “schooling” remotely has given us all the feeling that we can go ANYWHERE. 

 

Woohoo! We can go anywhere! 

Oh shit, we can go anywhere.

 

This is a problem born out of priviledge, no doubt. It is hard to complain about too many options. But the fact is that sometimes limitations can be more comforting.

 

These days it feels like we are all operating at a steady simmer of unease, confusion, and overwhelm. There are so many unknowns and the rules that we normally live by keep changing. 

 

But here’s the thing: You know how to get through this. In fact, you’ve done it before. You’ve had these same questions arise with a lot of the same confusion, lack of control, and overwhelm. 

 

And it took a while, but you made it through to the other side.

 

Do you know when that was? When you had your first baby.  

 

Let’s go back even further. Remember before you had a baby when you thought you knew exactly what you wanted your life to look like? (That was so cute!) You wanted an exciting place to live, some adventure, some times to remember . You had ambitions and you worked to achieve them.

 

And then came baby. And everything was called into question.

 

Like – what is truly important to me? Is it this job that I’ve been working so hard to excel at or is it staying home with baby? Where should I raise this baby? Near the grandparents I’ve spent the last 10 years distancing from? And who am I again? What happened to the  laid back cool girl, and who is this micro-manager who has surfaced?

 

Remember that? Well, there’s something you did then that we can learn from now:

 

You gave it time. 

 

You realized you had to put aside looking for answers in order to care for the baby. And, as the strain of those first months lifted you revisited the questions slowly and cautiously. 

 

You didn’t rush it. You knew you were still fragile and tender. You knew you were very similar to the baby who needed a whole lot of patience, cuddles, and soft singing.

 

You lived with the questions for a while and you slowly let the images of your next steps appear to you on their own. It wasn’t something you could solve right away. You had to live with the fear of simply not knowing.

 

It might have been painful. It might have brought a period of depression and hopelessness. It certainly brought a newfound respect for a long shower, a full night of sleep, and some eggs florentine on a Saturday morning, back when you called 12pm morning.

 

But your life was changed forever. And eventually your priorities felt more clear, you felt more human, more alive, more connected to every child, every parent, and every being out there.

 

You did it then, and you can do it again now.

 

The trick here, as it was then, is to find the courage to sit in the questions. To really cozy in to this deep pillowy seat of unknowns and breathe deeply.

 

One difference, which may be a bit comforting, is that we’re all having this baby together. You don’t need to look far to find your mama tribe and ask about the baby’s color of poop, you just need to hop on Zoom.

 

This week I listened to the latest episode of the podcast “On Being.” In it, Krista Tippet talks to Davendra Banhart about Pema Chodron’s book “When Things Fall Apart.” 

 

Since then, I’ve been reading every sentence of the book as if it is an instruction manual for this time. Here’s an excerpt  from  this beautiful book:

 

“Anyone who stands on the edge of the unknown, fully in the present without reference point, experiences groundlessness. That’s when our understanding goes deeper, when we find that the present moment is a pretty vulnerable place and that this can be completely unnerving and completely tender at the same time.”

 

So guys, let’s sit with this together. Let’s accept the unknown and the groundlessness with the knowledge that it will lead us to a more beautiful place.

 

“What we’re talking about is getting to know fear, becoming familiar with fear and looking it right in the eye – not as a way to solve problems, but as a complete undoing of old ways of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and thinking.”

 

How are you dealing with all the questions? Or maybe you don’t have them? We want to know! Comment below.

 

Do you have a friend who needs to know they’re not the only one tossing and turning in their sleep?  Send them this blog. Tell them to sign up for more.

 

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

Getting your kid to love Facetime with grandparents

Dear tunies,

It’s looking like this new reality of Zoom grandpa hugs and Facetime grandma kisses is going to last a while. But the problem is, our kids are kind of over it. So this week, let’s talk about something that’s become essential to our living these days—how to keep our little ones engaged with family members on the screen.

 

Here’s the thing. When quarantine started, we rushed to the computers. Hell, we were on a Facetime high for those first few weeks. We met with friends on Zoom left and right, the kids were excited to have extra time with the grandparents. It actually even felt a little better than normal; we were connecting with our loved ones even more than usual. 

 

And then the energy tanked. The kids crawled away or hid from the screen. They got tired of it and we understood. And that meant disappointed grandparents, some who even took it a littler personally. And It was a loss for us too. We came to rely on those convos as the next best thing to a babysitter. We could do the dishes, straighten up, or even take a work call as they were happening. Plus we loved them for helping maintain the connection between our kids and loved ones. 

 

So before we figure out how we can breathe new life into our kids’ relationship with extended family through the screen, let’s talk about why our kids might not be fans of connecting through video.

 

Why your kids are not a fan of Facetime

 

The obvious reason is that there is no substitute for the actual snuggles and kisses that relatives give. Kids need tactile stimulation. We all do. Not being able to curl up into grandpa’s lap for a story is a huge loss.

 

But there’s more to it.

 

Connecting visually through the screen can be confusing. When we are face to face with someone we learn to pick up on many tiny cues constantly happening: a twitch around the mouth, a slight smile in the eyes, a face slightly turned away, the body leaning in, the eyebrows in a slight scowl. These cues are extremely subtle and we react to them just as unconsciously as they were expressed.

Facetime eliminates a lot of those extra cues because the picture isn’t clear enough, there’s often a delay, and because we don’t see the full body. We have much less information to go on and that means it is harder to connect.

 

Not only that, the technical issues of video chatting make our emotional experience tiring. A recent New York Times article explained that because the image we are watching is out of sync with the speech, delayed, or frozen for a second, “we perceive it as a prediction error that needs to be fixed…we’re having to do more work because aspects of our predictions are not being confirmed, and that can get exhausting.” (Paula Niedenthal, professor or psychology at the University of Wisconsin.) 

 

Meaning, we aren’t able to make a logical match between the speech and the picture. We need to fill in the gaps to make sense of the emotion expressed. And that’s alot of work.

 

Why it’s worth it nonetheless

 

That said, the benefits of Facetime with grandparents, especially right now, outweigh the costs. Our kids (and us) need connection. They’ve got us at home all the time now but they also see us working more than ever, on our computers, cleaning, etc. Having family members who are exclusively focused on them repairs that a bit.

 

Also, believe it or not, this type of screen time is not only NOT harmful, it is beneficial. The American Academy of Pediatrics say that interactive facetime with a relative (or in a music class!!) is in a different category than normal screen time. It makes all the difference when your baby is fully engaged and when each side is reacting to each other.

 

So we know why it may be challenging, and we know why it’s worth fighting for nonetheless. So now let’s talk a few tips and tricks so your kids don’t go on hating them. Facetime that is, not the grandparents. 

 

So here are a few tips that YOU’VE told me have worked for you. 

 

1. Story Time 

No matter what age the child, this is a winner strategy. The family members can read board books and story books to the little ones and chapter books to the older kids. My daughter’s interest in grandma screen time was reignited when grandma started reading Charlotte’s Web. Now she is excited to tune in.

 

2. Lunch Date

Lots of parents have told me that their babies and kids are happier talking to family members when it’s over a meal. The kids are busy with the food and have something tactile to work on. The grandparents can tell them a story, just hang out, or have their own meal at the same time.

 

3. Facetime Song

I’m sure you’re not surprised to see this on the list. That’s  because it works! Ask your family members to have a hello song, and goodbye song, songs that help structure the call. If they can throw in some hand gestures and movement songs, even better.

 

4. Busy Bee 

Before you make the call, set your kid up with an engaging activity – drawing, play dough, cutting, painting, building, sticking, whatever. That way your kid can be busy with something they love and the grandparents can chime in and feel like they are involved. 

My daughter’s other grandmother is very crafty. She’s been leading them in art projects over the screen.

 

5. Puppet Play

Looking at 2D faces is not that interesting. You know what is? PUPPETS. The kids in my classes love when we do our puppets songs. They add color, fun, and imagination. Even the disengaged babies seem to tune in during the puppet song. Here is one of the songs we do in class. Send this to the grandparents. Send them a puppet in the mail. It’s super simple and is sure to be a hit. 

My daughter joined me on this one… a fave of hers too.

 

6. Bubble Bash

It’s never the wrong time for bubbles. Someone just mentioned this in one of my classes today and I love it. So simple. Have grandma grab a bottle of bubbles. That will definitely make the screen more interesting. And to make the party even more spectacular, you can blow bubbles on your side too.

 

7. Peace Out

Sometimes our kids get turned off by an activity that they feel they can’t get out of. Your daughter might have had a great time talking to grandma last week but it went on longer than she could handle. She ended up being tired of it and didn’t know how to end it. To avoid this, decide on a sign, gesture, word, song, that your kid uses to say “I’m done”. They don’t always know how to say it and that could be part of their hesitation. Give them a way to get out of it elegantly.

 

8. Ipad is best

When possible, use an ipad instead of a computer or phone – this is just a technical adjustment. The phone is too small and also trains our kids to stare at our phones (like we do all day). Better to avoid that. The computer has way too many enticing buttons on it. I’m sure you’ve already experienced that issue and are still trying to find that file that’s now vanished from your desktop.

 

 

The main gist of all of these is this: Take the focus off the screen in and of itself.

Have the grandparents bring in an activity or set your kid up with an activity. That way they can share in the experience. 

 

But there’s something important we need to remember:

This is going to go in phases. It is natural for our kids to be very into something for a while and then tired of it the next. We go through the same phases ourselves! It means that grandparents and family members need to accept this and not take it personally.

 

Mostly they know this and accept all push and pull their grandchild hits them with. But these times are different. Right now the older generation may be feeling scared, threatened, lonely and emotional. Connection to the grandkids is mostly everything.

 

You know what else they need right now? You guys. 

 

So even if your kids aren’t in the mood to connect with family members right now, you can make the effort to do so. Chances are, you need it just as much as they do.

 

In fact, that’s how I ended this song called “Grandparents.” I realized it was really me who needed the hug most of all.

 

 

Do you have  other tricks you use to get your kids excited about Skyping with the family? COMMENT below and let us know! We need your tips!

 

Do you have a friend who needs a Facetime cheerleader? Send them this post. Have them join our Tune-iverse.

 

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

How to get siblings to get along – Part 2

Hi Tunester, 

Last week we talked about IF, WHEN, and HOW to intervene in your kids’ altercations. We separated the types of fights into Lion Cub Fights and Helpless Rage fights and discussed what to do in each situation. If you missed it, click here.

 

Today we are covering more crucial info to help you help your kids get along.

 

But first, let’s remember that we’re all doing our best. We’re learning as we go. This is difficult stuff. Not only that, it’s NORMAL stuff. So be compassionate to yourself as you navigate this warzone.

 

Ok, let’s dive in.

 

1. Bigger doesn’t mean stronger

In the last post we said that in Lion Cub Fights we won’t intervene at all, and will let our kids be, completely, no matter what is going on. That might feel impossible to many. You might be saying – my older one will crush my younger! But ask yourself – is your little one tough? Can she/he defend themselves? If they are 5, 3, or even 1, I bet the answer is yes. If so, they do not need your protection. They are probably much stronger than you give them credit for. In a fight with their sibling they can take care of themselves. Not only that, there are advantages that only the smaller ones know how to use: crying first, getting more empathy, seeming weak, acting quick.

 

2. Find the time.

If you take nothing else from these two posts then heed this advice: Find time to be alone with each kid. I know you know this one and I know it’s not easy to do. And in quarantine it’s near impossible. Who has time for that? But parents,  it is one of the most important things you can do to keep the peace at home

 

Even if it is 10 minutes in a room with each a day. Put the other on a screen if you must. Or have QT as you sit with them by the bath, or as they help you make dinner, or as you play a game. It helps your child feel loved, seen, appreciated, and special. And that reduces the need for competition. I promise you it can make all the difference in how your kids behave with each other. Now here’s how you can make that alone time even more effective:

 

3. Witness their specialness. 

So much of sibling rivalry is vying for OUR attention and love. So let’s cut it off at the pass. Before they start to feel invisible and unloved and want to kill off their competition, let’s remind our kids why we love, appreciate and admire them. Go for the meaningful compliments about their personality, and their process – “I love how you thought so carefully about how you would build that tower and then you sat patiently and didn’t get up until it was done.” “ I admire how you see things in a unique way and make me see things differently.”

For an easy game to play in order to make this happen try this.

Since we are in triage mode during this quarantine time, make a rule for yourself ot say at least 3 of these types of compliments a day.

 

4. Team building.

  • Punish both. If you feel like you need repercussion, remember this rule. Punish both. Last week we talked about how each side feels equally wronged. It is important not to distinguish between punishments so that the kids don’t feel that we are blaming one more than the other.
  • Reward both. By the same token, when possible, reward them both. Have they gone a full day without altercation? Both deserve a reward for that. Make sure to find times like these. Have they gone an hour without an altercation? Prize!!
  • Team them up. Try to play family games in which they are on the same team against you or both parents. Let them band together against you. We want to do whatever it takes for their animosity to move away from each other, even if it means moving toward you.

 

5. Don’t spotlight the other.

When alone with one, don’t talk too much about the other. No matter what you say they will interpret it as you saying the other is better. Read: that you love the other more.

 

6. Unite the coaches – you all

  • Synchronize messaging. Worse than us taking on the roll of the referee is having two referees who disagree. In our home, my husband is quicker to defend the younger sibling and I’m quicker to defend the older. And that causes tension between us, and the kids are always watching. Talk to your partner about NOT refereeing, about the strategies you will start to use moving forward (from last week’s blog), and about keeping it consistent between you both.

 

  • Model communication. We need to model the type of interaction we are expecting for the kids. Tell your partner your own feelings instead of blaming. Meaning, instead of saying – “I’ve been watching the kids all day and you haven’t even picked up a plate.” talk. Explain. Say “Its been a hard day. I’ve been chasing them non stop and feel exhausted. And when you finished work and sat to look at your phone it made me feel resentful.” Show your kids how to communicate feelings and that when it is done well it repairs the rupture.

 

7. Educate

Talk to your kids about the nature of sibling dynamics. Explain what competition means. Explain why they are feeling it and tell them all siblings feel it. Tell them it is fine to feel rage but there are more productive ways of expressing it than through physical fighting.

If they need to get their physical aggression toward their sibling out, grab a pillow and let them punch, for a while, as long as they can. Let them yell all of their angry thougts and feelings. It’s a great way to release some of that energy.

But also explain how lucky they are that they get to work on peer dynamics at home. This is the stuff of life. We constantly deal with these dynamics at work and with friends. How lucky they are to get to practice with someone who will be by their side forever, no matter how bad it gets.

 

8. Remember: YOU are the object.

One last point. As we’ve talked about in these two posts, siblings are competing over your love and attention. They are angry at their sibling for taking attention away but they are angry at YOU for having more kids. But our kids can’t fully take it out on us. It is much safer to take it out on their sibling. Taking it out on us means risking pushing us away, or even losing us. I don’t mean this literally. We aren’t going anywere. But that is the fantasy of our kids. 

So in order to protect the relationship of your kids together, allow your children to take it out on you. Also, allow them to connect when they need. In fact, ALL of our kids’ interactions with us are vying for connection, even when they don’t feel that way.

 

Ok Tunie. I hope these posts help with your situation at home.

 

Need more help? I’ve got a workshop starting next week and there are still a few spots open.

 

Join us for a NEW ONLINE WORKSHOP FOR PARENTS – Individualized counseling on how to keep the peace in your home. Limited to 10 participants, meeting twice for 75 minutes. 

 

Thursday May 7 8:15pm

Thursday  May 14th 8:15pm

 

Click here to register.

 

I’ll leave you with a song I wrote on my album about siblings. All of the songs on the album have aspects from this post. This one was taken from a loving conversation my kids had over oatmeal one morning. 

“It’ll be oh it’ll be so good to be grown up with you. Cus it’s pretty good to be kids with you too.”

 

10 ways to help your kids get along – Part 1

Before we dive into an info-packed Tune In, I wanted to let you know I’ll be doing a special individualized workshop for parents on sibling challenges. See below for details on how to register. It’s limited to 10 so act fast if you’d like to join.

 

Now let’s talk siblings.

 

Having kids home all day means that they have no other social outlet other than each other. No after-school soccer game to get out their competitive ya ya’s, no class-time scuffle to practice making up with a friend, and no recess Lord of the Flies action to figure out who gets the conch. now it’s just the SIBLINGS. All. Day. Long.

 

And while they seem to be in a never-ending boxing match, we teeter between joining them in the ring, coaching from the corner, and leaving the stadium altogether.

 

This topic is complicated, so I broke it down in two parts. Part 1 is all about IF, WHEN and HOW to intervene.

 

But one thing before we get started. Let’s be real. The stuff I’m about to say sounds great on paper. But pulling it off can be near impossible. Especially right now when we’re pushed to our limits. These are ways of thinking about the sibling dynamics. It’s going to be a lifelong journey to try to be Cuomo-calm with our kids. But every tiny step helps. Ok let’s do this.

 

1. First – Relax. You’re doing fine.
Keep your emotional level dooowwn. This is a biggie and we have to start here. When our kids fight we tend to go straight to a dark place – “I failed as a parent. My kids hate each other. They’re going to be axe murderers” (maybe that last one was just me?) But the thing is, ALL siblings fight. And we all have those same thoughts at some point.

It’s important to remind ourselves that we’re not bad parents and this is NORMAL; it has nothing to do with anything we did wrong. If we can remember this, we may be more able to accept it in the moment and not feel compelled to FIX. So especially these days tell yourself you’re a kick-ass parent because you are doing your very best. In fact, tell yourself it’s great your kids have an opportunity to learn how to handle competition and adversity. It’s going to help them when they run for president someday.

 

2. To intervene or NOT to intervene?
The million dollar question when our kids are fighting is IF and WHEN to intervene. It’s possible that living this constant conflict is the real reason our hair goes grey.

I find that there are three types of fights:

 

#1: The Lion Cub Fight:

Sometimes our kids just need to tussle. It often starts with a playful brush or a provocative jab. For instance, my middle son communicates through physical contact. When he feels distant from his brother or just plain bored he may provoke his brother to get a rise. Next thing you know they are actually fighting, not at all playing.

 

SOLUTION: In these moments of Lion Cub fighting, LET YOUR KIDS BE.

 

Tell them they can continue fighting but not in front of you because it upsets you to see it. Have them go into another room if they’d like to continue. More often than not, if you’re not a witness to it, they’ll lose interest. Part of the fun is seeing if it will get a rise out of us.
These fights are a general expression of the perpetual sibling wound: “you love the other more” and they are just waiting for us to intervene so we can settle it once and for all (Spoiler: it will never be settled. Our love is different for each).

In order to stay out of it, we need to accept that it is NORMAL and reduce our level of stress about it. (See #1)

One thing you could do is say – “This is starting out as play but I’m warning you now that someone might end up getting hurt.” Then it’s up to them. LET THEM BE. They won’t kill each other. If they hurt each other then they’ve learned for the next time.
I know it may feel like you’re walking out on Carole Baskin’s husband being fed to the tigers but trust me. It’s best for all.

 

#2: The Coveted Object:
You’ve seen it happen: an everyday object like a plate, stick, chair, suddenly becomes gold-plated. Both kids want it NOW. As you know, this fight is not necessarily about the object itself. It has more to do with possessing- “What you have looks good.” And then it takes a turn for the irrational. They want THE thing, and then another thing. It almost seems as if the kids want to experience a little scuffle.

 

#3: Helpless Rage:
This one happens when someone feels wronged and reacts quickly. A toy was taken, something hurtful was said. They resort to physical violence because they are SO MAD. And in that moment of feeling helpless, overwhelmed, angry and betrayed, they’re not the best communicators.

 

SOLUTION: In these last two scenarios, support but don’t solve.

 

Here are some guidelines:

 

3. Stop. Pause. Breathe—for US
When our kids quickly spiral into a full-on fight about a thing, our immediate desire is to FIX FAST. Just do anything for PEACE. At that moment we yell, we punish, we time-out, we go extreme. And when that happens, well it never ends well for anyone.

We need to stop, drop and roll. Or maybe just take a breath before responding. There is no rush, it just FEELS like there is. In fact, try to move in slow motion. If we go into it calmly the kids will feel it too.

 

4. Stop. Pause. Breathe—for our kids
When they’re IN it they can’t hear a thing. In their minds, whatever is going on is an emergency. Their underdeveloped prefrontal cortex makes them feel like they truly NEED that cookie, like they might NEVER get that doll back, or like they may have lost their spot on your lap FOREVER. Before we try to give them words to communicate, help them pause. You can say something like: “This is not how we solve conflict in our house.” You can have them both sit, go into different corners, or just breathe. Try to do this calmly, without putting blame on anyone. “Both of you are upset, you both contributed. If you are too upset we can talk about this later.”

 

5. Calmly Buffer
Especially with little ones, you can use your body or hand as a buffer between them. Calmly put your hand between the arm and mouth biting, or between the raised hand and the target. But stay chill, nonchalant. Try to make it look easy (Hey, fake it till’ ya make it). Having you as a calm buffer will take the edge off.
Your job here is not to end the conflict, rather to keep them safe. For all you care the conflict can grow. It is not your responsibility to stop it. You’re just there to keep them safe while they explore conflict.

 

6. DON’T Referee
Whether the clash is Helpless Rage or The Coveted Object, we are not there to conduct an interrogation or judge the details of the scene. It is a given that both sides feel wronged and both need to take responsibility (yes, not just the older one.)
If we get involved in the details the kids will inevitably feel that we’ve taken a side. And then the conflict won’t be about the Lego spaceship anymore but about who we love more.

 

7. DO Coach
Instead of refereeing, coach, especially before the match goes UFC level. Train them how to use words. When they come to you and say, “He took my ball and won’t give it back!” you can give your child words: “Tell him that you were playing with it, and it made you feel angry when he grabbed it.” Or: “Did you like that when he hit you? Tell him! Tell him to stop.” Or: “It sounds like you don’t want your sister touching the spaceship. Say, Can you please not touch that?” Instead of being their mouthpiece, teach them how to use their own words and their own voice. You know, so they can use it against you someday.

 

8. DO Validate emotions
Acknowledge the validity in both sides of the argument. We’re not solving, we’re just narrating what we see. But here’s the key – we’re doing it super matter of factly. Almost with curiosity. “Wow you both really want that, Maybe there is another way…”
And after the tussle we can help them connect the dots that led to it.
“You felt______ when he _______and he didn’t ________.
YOU felt _______and she didn’t ______”.
Since both sides are feeling injured, both are in desperate need of having their feelings heard.

 

9. Accept the Drama
There is going to be a kid on the ground yelling, running to their room, and crying in the corner. That just comes with the territory. It’s our job to accept it fully without trying to change anything. It’s natural, it’s normal, it’s part of the family landscape. Our kids are learning how to deal with frustration. That’s a lesson that we’re all still secretly trying to learn behind our Corona mask.

 

10. Connect before you correct
Only after our kids feel heard can we try to teach them how to manage this type of situation better in the future. “Next time he takes your doll you can say…” But before they feel validated they’ll still be caught up in the injustice they feel and you might as well be talking to their favorite lovey.

 

So let’s go over this again:

Lion Cub Fight > Don’t intervene

Coveted Object Fight > Don’t try to solve > Narrate nonchalantly > Accept the drama

Helpless Rage Fight > Pause > Don’t referee > Validate > Correct for next time

 

Putting them in these neat schemas makes it seem easy. But we all know it isn’t. In fact, I just read this piece to my 11 year old to get his opinion and at point #3 (Stop. Pause. Breathe- For us) he said – “Mama, you don’t do that!” And of course it’s true. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by their aggression that I get sucked in and act rashly. But sometimes I manage to respond with patience and compassion for them and for ME.

 

We’re learning how to be parents as we go. We’re teaching each other and most of all, our kids are teaching us. Just being aware of these things is already a WIN.

 

Next week you’ll get PART 2 which has a whole slew of more important info.

 

Now, as you know sibling solutions are not a one-size-fits-all. Each dynamic is unique, each personality is unique. Which is why I have a new offering. Do you have a challenging sibling dynamic at home? (Right now, who doesn’t?)

 

Join us for a NEW ONLINE WORKSHOP FOR PARENTS. Individualized counseling on how to keep the peace in your home. Limited to 10 participants, meeting twice, for 75 minutes.

Wednesday April 29 8:15pm
Wednesday May 6th 8:15pm

Click here to register.

 

And please, help us out here—did you try any of these tactics this week? Did they work or did they lead you to another solution? Or did you just go hide in the bathroom for 10 minutes (we’ve all done it). Sharing is caring. COMMENT below.

6 Activity ideas for quarantine with a baby

Dear Tunester.

Do you have a baby 0-12 months old right now and are thinking—what the F**k? And HELPPP?

 

I mean, it’s hard enough to have kids of any age during this time. Mine won’t let me finish a thought without coming in to ask me to cut a rainbow, make a sandwich, play a game, or just to whine. 

 

Parenting during the Corona virus FEELS like that period of having a newborn for most of us. But you all actually HAVE one.

 

Which means, on top of  dealing with the insane reality we’re living in and being cooped up inside, you are just trying to figure out how to get through the day with no sleep, and a creature who needs tending to 24/7. 

 

So Tunie, I can’t do your laundry or babysit right now, but I can give you some ideas on what to do with your baby to feel more connected, more at ease, and help  you better speak your baby’s language. 

 

These 6 little gems will help you fill your day with giggles and restful naps. You might remember them from the Baby in Tune class. If you have taken it, use this as a refresher to help during those trying  days. 

 

1. The Mirroring Technique – Mirror your baby’s vocal sounds. Our babies register when we speak THEIR language. You can do this with older babies using instruments or vocals. This is the building block of connecting to your baby, making them feel heard and understood. If you’ve taken the class you remember how this technique can spur on a full back and forth conversation. In fact, this is usually the activity that gets dads feeling like – “yeah! we can hang!”

 

2. Passively Present Play – It takes focus to truly let your baby take the lead. Put aside your thinking self and join your baby with your sensing self. Try the exercise we did in class at home for at least 3 minutes each day. Get on the floor in the position your baby is in. Let your baby teach you how to be fully present and explore like a scientist.

 

3. Hand Gesture Songs – Your baby LOVES hand gesture songs. Remember the three types we talked about? 1. Just using hands, 2. Using hands + body, and 3. Using full body. Try these different types this week. Which ones does your baby like? (need a list? Email me.)

 

4. Rhythm Play – In our class we use rhythm in various ways. For this exercise, pat by their ears so they feel and hear the rhythm in stereo, and see if your baby becomes more alert or calm. Babies LOVE rhythm. Use the songs we did in class to drum on the rug or on pots and pans. Use dynamics (loud, soft, slow, fast), to keep your baby engaged.

 

5. The Songwriting Method – If you’ve taken a Baby in Tune class, hopefully you left feeling like anyone can write a good ditty, even the sleep-deprived parent. In fact, only you can write the PERFECT song for your baby. Using the steps we use in class it takes less than 5 minutes to write a whole song. Try to write your own each day. Go silly, go nonsensical, go poopy and pee-pee if you must. And when you remember the song you wrote the next day, that’s your hit.

 

6. Dance Party – Your baby loves to be in SYNC. And so do we! Dance parties are the perfect way. The best time to do it? Right when you can’t take it any longer. When you’ve been pushed to your limits and can’t change another diaper, bounce, shush, or sway for another second. Yup – around 5:00pm. Need a playlist? Here is mine.

 

Here’s the thing. Caring for a baby, especially right now when you can’t leave the house, is draining. It’s ok to sometimes feel angry at your baby for needing SO MUCH. It’s ok to not feel in love with your baby all the time and need some time alone. 

 

Activities like these can help us feel more in tune with our baby, and more attuned to our baby. When we start speaking our baby’s language through music, we start to understand our baby’s needs a whole lot more.

 

And that leads to more sleep, more peace, more joy, more snuggles, more smiles, more cooing, and less crying.

 

You know – that moment when you are both gazing into each other’s eyes and suddenly who cares if they woke you up every hour and a half? Connecting means shedding some of those indoor blues that we are all feeling right now.

 

And before doing these activities, try our “Three Breaths Technique” to bring you fully into the moment. Take in a breath and on every exhale think of something you are grateful for.

 

So let’s do this. Put the laundry pile aside, forget about the apple sauce crusted on the floor, put your phone in another room, and just be with your baby.

 

 

Do you know a parent of a baby who can’t sing Twinkle Twinkle one more time and needs some SOS activity help right NOW? Send them this.

 

AND – guys, I’ve got a big surprise coming to you THIS WEEK. Stay tuned.

 

COMMENT and let me know what your baby’s favorite activities are.

 

 
 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

The ONE thing you should be doing right now

Quarantunie, It’s week 4. Time to be real. 

 

We talked about some activities you could be doing. We talked about ways to feel more present with your baby.

 

But the fact is, the one thing you should be doing right now

IS NOTHING.

 

You know all of those art projects your crafty friend is posting? Screw them.

You know the muffins your baker friends are serially pulling out of the oven? NOPE.

The puppet shows your builder friends are constructing,

The apps your plugged-in friend is urging you to download,

Even the song your Broadway musical friend is writing with her baby.

Forget it. You don’t need to do any of it.

 

You know why?

Because your baby has all the enrichment they need just by being with you all day.

You are keeping your baby safe. Your baby is thriving. Your baby is doing great. 

They’re watching you work, clean, fold, cook, rest, smile, cry. And all of it enhances  their lives.

Maybe they’re even “helping” with the laundry? Kudos.

 

But Tunie, here’s what you DON’T need to be doing:

  1. Berating yourself for not staying on a schedule.
  2. Comparing yourself to your friends who are constructing castles out of cardboard or dolls out of towels.
  3. Feeling guilty for not wanting to play more with your baby.

 

You’re doing a lot, and you’re just trying to keep it together, and that is ENOUGH. Of course you don’t want to build one more magnet tile tower. Unless it has a bed inside it with a door you can close, that is.

 

And guys, do me a favor. I see that invisible whip in your hand that you use on yourself every time you hand your baby a screen. LAY OFF. 

 

Yes, our kids are watching WAY more screens these days.

No, it is not melting their brains. 

Yes, it is keeping you sane and that counts for a lot. Hey, it bought you a shower yesterday. That’s absolutely a win. 

And yes, this period will not last forever.

 

At a certain point things will go back to our normal.

 

We will return to our individual screen limits. We will monitor junk food more consistently. We will not constantly be on edge because we will have the alone time that we desperately need right now.

 

There will be an adjustment period but it will be done. This is not the new reality forever. And when we need to reconstruct our boundaries regarding food, screens, sleep, and behavior, we will.

 

But right now, give yourself a break.

 

You all were very real with me this week. I asked, – “What do you wish someone would say to you right now?” 

 

You said:

  • That my baby is ok. 
  • That my kid can eat more junk right now.
  • That my baby doesn’t need to reach every milestone exactly on target.

 

And most of all: 

  • That you can’t be 100% at both parenting AND working.

 

Haven’t you been telling your best friend exactly this?

 

Because right now we all look like Jimmy Fallon trying to host a show. And all we can do is laugh nervously through it and try to keep a smile.

 

But here’s the best part of this period despite all of your fears—you are giving your baby EXACTLY what they need and want: more time with you.

 

So before you go into the confession room to be punished for your sins, do THIS.

Take that glass of wine. Go take a seat on the couch. And congratulate yourself for being a kick- ass parent.

 

You have kept this boat afloat. Your baby barely feels the shit storm that is happening outside.

And that’s because you are doing a great job.

 

Hoorah.

 

 

Have you had a QuarantineWin today? Maybe a tiny little moment where you felt like you were crushing it, or even just not losing it? Help out a fellow Quarantunie by sharing here. 

 

Do you have a friend who hasn’t showered in days, had to meet with the VP while she changed a diaper and just put the ice-cream away in the pantry? Maybe she needs to hear this. Send her this post and tell her to sign up for the Tuesday Tune In here:

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

6 tricks to win at being present during home-stay

Dear Tunie,

It’s day 1,298 of being home and your kids are driving you insane. I get it. But you’ve also told us in our classes that your kids are also what is keeping you SANE.

They are keeping you distracted from the news, busy with meal prep, frazzled with keeping them out of danger, occupied with keeping them clean, rested and calm.

And all of those tasks mean they are keeping you right here. In this moment.

We don’t have time to gaze out the window and zone out on what-ifs. We don’t have space to lie in bed staring at the ceiling wondering when this will end. We barely have time to shower for chrissake.

You are taking it day by day because that is all your baby allows you to do. So let’s let them teach us how to be fully present in this moment as they are.

Here are 6 ways to feel present with your baby amidst all the craziness going on right now.

1. Schedule time in your day to BE with your baby.
Whether you are working an outside job or not, you’ve got your hands full right now. But if we schedule time in our day when we plan to be fully present with our baby we might not fight it during the day. I bet you spend a lot of your day feeling guilty that you are not actually spending time with your baby. Especially now that you are with each other all day. But being near and being WITH is different. So now that we are all cooped up let’s pencil in some special time, even if it is just a few minutes a day.

2. Make a quarantine music video journal with them
We often think that taking pics or videos pulls us out the moment but I find that this activity brings you in. Lie on your bed together and take a selfie video of yourselves singing a song. Doesn’t matter which, you can even make one up. Try to do it every few days. Let the camera be witness to your present moment together. Doing so may invite your observer self to join which can add another layer to feeling present.

Here’s some inspiration. A video I made with my daughter.

 

3. Let your baby lead the play. You follow.
In this one you can relax. Your job is to just follow your baby around and surrender to their whims. Are they stopping to examine the remote control? Examine it with them. Are they grabbing at the play mat? Are they walking from room to room picking stuff up and throwing it down? Follow them. FIgure out what they are drawn to, what they want to touch, hold, and put in their mouth.

4. Put on music.
You guys. This just does the trick. It’s powerful. It brings us instantly into the moment. It takes us out of our thinking self and into our FEELING self. And that means we pause to explore through our senses. When we aren’t consumed with thoughts we open ourselves to the sounds, smells, sights, and textures around us. Remember that time you put aside to be with your baby? Enhance it with some good music in the background.

5. Pick up the corners of your mouth.
Simple enough, just shift the corners of your mouth into a slight Mona Lisa smile and notice if your ‘tude shifted a little along with it.

6. TOUCH your baby
Doing these remote classes has made me realize how much I normally touch your babies in class – on their toes, their head, their bellies. I’ve been missing it desperately and have really identified with grandparents everywhere who can’t right now. So touch your sweet babies for all of us. Hold their squishy sweet bodies close.  If you follow me on Instagram and Facebook you know I’ve written a song about this recently. I’m about done with it. Come find out how it ends up.

 

Here are two more ways Baby in Tune can help you feel more PRESENT, less guilty, more WITH, less near.

 

Remote classes:

We are now offering 6-packs to be used anytime within 6 weeks. You can come to one class a week or 5 a week. Your choice. Go here to sign up for a remote class a la carte or for a 6-pack at a reduced rate.

 

Free intro class:

This is for any of your friends who have never taken a Baby in Tune class before . This Friday at 11:00am I’ll be doing a FREE remote into class. They can sign up HERE.

 

So now tell us – did any of these bring you into the moment with your baby? Which one? What exactly were you doing? Be specific so we can jump into the moment with you. COMMENT BELOW.

 

Have a friend who could use some de-guilting? Send them this post and tell them to sign up for more.

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

6 Original Quarantine Music Activities

“Hello, 911? Yes it’s an emergency. My kids and I are stuck inside the house. I’m about to lose my sh*t.
Why yes, I’d love some Emergency Music Entertainment ideas. Like, NOW? “

Let’s do this.

 

IDEA #1: The Human Piano

Set up pillows on the floor in a circle around your child. As you jump from pillow to pillow, sing a different note. Doesn’t matter if it is in one scale or not, aka in tune or on melody! Your baby will quickly catch on.

If your baby is not mobile yet she will watch with delight as you jump from one pillow to the next singing a song. If your kiddo is mobile, she will join your jumping immediately, no doubt.

Get jiggy with it. Challenge yourself to jump further and remember the note that is associated with each pillow. It just might entertain you as much as it will them!

Here’s some inspo to get you going. I love Bobby Mcferrin.

 

IDEA #2: Pots and pans band

Pull ‘em all out. Go ahead. This is not a time to worry about mess. We’ve got some entertainment to pull off here! Plus,  pots are pretty easy to put back once you’re done. Bring out the tupperware too while you’re at it.

And wooden spoons? Yep, them too. Do NOT take out the metal spoons because they’ll bust your ears and no one needs that.

Now, go nuts on your drums. Get tribal. Experiment with the sounds. Notice the different tones each pot and container has. And more than that, notice the sounds that different parts of the pot make. For instance, hitting the rim will sound different than hitting the side, or turning it over and hitting the bottom. Point this out to your child as you do it to help them learn.

The mere [not that chaotic] chaos of pots scattered around you both will be exciting for your baby.

Play like a Times Square subway master during rush hour. Bring down the house.

 

IDEA #3: Make up a song!

Here are two ways to try:

Body parts. This one is a no brainer. All of your kisses and squeezing of body parts lends itself to the lyrics already. In fact, you may have already written this one. But if not, go with a pattern. Say something about your baby’s thigh. Can be as simple as,“Here’s Jonah’s thigh!” Or “I can see your arm, it goes up and down.” And then go with it!

Do the same with all the other body parts you can think of. Bring in the limbs but also the smaller features like nose, ears, toes, etc.

Movement. I bet I can make a list of movements your baby likes to do: Run, jump, spin, crawl, roll, dance, squat and stand, sway upper body, and clap. Good list? Add your own and now let’s put them into a song. Doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, the simpler the better. “Lucy likes to run run run! Run run run! Run run run! Lucy likes to jump jump jump! Jump jump jump….” you get the idea. At a loss for a tune? Use a simple one you know, like “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”

 

IDEA #4: Give the ball a voice

If you’ve taken our classes, you know that we love to play with balls in a musical way. We usually do it with the older babies, but musical ball play can work with all ages. In fact, today in class a mama said that her son’s first giggle came that day when she had thrown up a ball and caught it. He thought it was hysterical.

So what do you do? As you throw up a ball, make the sound effect of the ball. I have a feeling it is some sort of a high pitched “Whooooo!”
If you have different balls, you can make different sounds for each ball. And if your baby is older, you can pass it back and forth and both of you can make your sounds.

Ball play is so much more fun when the ball has a voice!

 

IDEA #5: Make up a dance

I admit it, I can’t help but be inspired by the Tic Toc dances teenagers are doing these days. So what do you do? Become the choreographer of your baby’s dreams.

Put on your favorite song and pretend you are a DJ on a cruise ship. Teach your baby the line dance of your favorite song. Make it up! Use the motions your baby knows how to do.

Hands up! Head bob! Tushie shake! Shoulder shimmy!
You know what? You and your baby may remember this dance forever and may just perform it at a family reunion in 25 years, ala Moira and David from Schitt’s Creek. (Google it. I promise it’s good.)

If you’ve got a baby, hold them as if they are your Frank Sinatra dancing across the room.

Got a toddler? Teach them your dance moves because YES, you DO think you can dance.

 

 

Two tricks to make this a success:

1-Dynamics
With all of these activities and all the musical activities you do with your baby, there is one important trick. Dynamics.
Dynamics can make the difference between your baby losing interest in a second and staying with you throughout.

If you’ve taken our classes you know we use dynamics all the time. What does it mean?

Sing loud, and then soft.
Go fast, and then slow.
Sing with a silly voice, and then your own voice.
Sing high, sing low.

 

2-Rhythm
Every time I do this in class, it astounds me how well it works. When your baby starts to lose interest, or the music becomes overwhelming, (or heck, you just need a breather!), come back to a steady rhythm. Patting on your thighs is sufficient. Bring it back to consistency. It works.

Hey, J-Lo and Shakira are two mamas who recently proved that in a major way.

 

So, did these ideas help you Tune in to a toddler about to combust? Or to a baby about to blow? COMMENT below and let me know.

Do you have any of your own musical fun ideas to get the wiggles out when you’re stuck indoors? Save a fellow parent in need and let us know below!

Most importantly – send this to that friend at home with a baby that you love best. Because sharing is caring.

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

How to deal with our new reality

Dearest Tunester,

Here we are. A new reality. Our normal routine thrown out the window. So how do we deal with this?

Here are my two cents. At least for this week.

 

We take it day. By. Day.

It is so easy to slide into our fears. There are so many unknowns!
But worrying is an interesting thing. We worry to try to prevent something hard from happening in the future. But often we can’t control it, and meanwhile we may actually cause something hard to happen in the present – worry!!

What worry really does is distract us from what we are actually experiencing.

So let’s look around us and see what is happening TODAY.

And we’ll just go one step at a time.

 

We breathe.

Those of you in Baby in Tune classes know that I always do Three Breaths to get us into the present moment. This is such a simple technique and can make a difference in your day. It is just taking in three deep breaths and on every exhale thinking about something you are grateful for. Don’t plan it, just let whatever pops into your head come.

We are all feeling alot right now. Breathing deep can help us allow for all those feelings to exist. It’s ok. Let the feelings that are beyond words wash over you. Denying them is worse.

 

We find ways to lift us during the day.

It is so important to find your sunny windows during the day; Skyping with friends or relatives, finding some time to put everytihng aside and truly be present and play with your child, singing, stretching, jogging, reading, whatever it is.

And if you need us – we are here to add more lift to your day with your baby. We added a bunch of remote classes and they’ve been so fun and heartwarming so far. I love this community. We come together to sing. (Go to the classes page to register.)

 

We acknoledge the positives of the situation.

So many parents in our remote classes are telling us that the situation has brought them closer to their friends and community. I can say the same. Today I will be meeting with a bunch of YOU who I haven’t been able to sing with for a while because your baby started daycare or maybe aged out of my classes. I can’t tell you how excited I am to see you all again.

That is a HUGE plus for me.

Also, my kids have been joining me for some of the remote classes. It’s been so nice to sing these songs with my own babies again.

In addition, there are other benefits to this situation. While there will also be many tragedies due to Covid19, it is also making us reduce polution, reduce waste, care for each other, evaluate our health system, and even evaluate our educational system.

 

We truly take a pause.

This is an opportunity. We are being asked to slow down. To wash our hands of what we’ve been doing and go inward. Can we do it? It won’t be easy. We are used to moving fast, to having what we want at the tips of our fingers,

But I wonder if we can take some items out of our usual to-do list and allow for space? that is what is called upon us right now.

You guys, I sat for a whole hour today and did a puzzle with my kids. I don’t think I’ve EVER done that. I also played Risk with them in the morning (it confirmed my belief that it is the most evil game ever. A never ending sibling rivalry trap.) And in between I did a training for new Baby in Tune instructors and wrote a song.

So I worked, becuase I love working. But alot less than usual.

 

We care for each other.

We are so lucky to have the technology to connect remotely. We need to be practicing physical distancing. But we also have the tools to practice social inclusion. We can rely on each other more than ever as a community. Even if that means virtually.

And we can widen our circle of caring to those who need it desperately right now; Single parents,  parents who just gave birth and are experiencing even more acute post partum depression, parents who don’t have the resources to stock up on necessities, or don’t have computers to give their children access to remote learning.

 

We find some sort of routine to keep us sane.

I don’t mean having an excel sheet with an hour-to-hour plan. I mean having touchstones during your day. Breakfast, playtime, worktime, lunch, rest time, worktime, outdoor time, playtime, dinner, bedtime. That’s how it is shaping up more or less for us. How about you?

This is going to be our reality for a while. Give yourself time to find the anchors in your day so that you can reinforce them for you and your baby.

 

We keep in mind that we can get used to anything.

In a few weeks we won’t be as shocked by this new situation. We’ll be used to having the kids home all day and working from home will feel more normal.

Humans are so adaptive. We will find ways to mold our habits and benaviors to our new reality. We will make the best of it because that is what we do.

 

Before I leave you I want to invite you to how Baby in Tune can help you this week. I hope you will join us for one of these or many of these. We will be adding more to the schedule each week.

A la carte remote music classes!

Tuesday 10:00am (0-5 years)

Tuesday 12:30pm (0-7m)

Thursday 10:00am (0-5 years)

Thursday 12:30pm (0-7m)

Thursday 5:00pm (0-5 years)

Just go to the classes page to sign up. I can’t wait to sing with you.

 

Do you have friends who might want to join? Send them this post or the link to the classes page: www.babyintune.com/classes

How to relieve anxiety. And boy do we need it now.

First of all, let’s all take a deep breath.

 

There’s alot going on these days. We all seem to be teetering between-  “Omg the apocolypse!” and – “Eh it’s just the flu,”  about 10 times within an hour.

 

That takes a huge toll on our nervous system.

So today let’s see how music can help.

 

But first, a story.

 

I’m in monthly supervision with the Baby in Tune instructors and we’re having a tough conversation. 

 

We’re doing what we encourage YOU all to do in our groups – talk about your challenges openly and get support from each other.

 

Normally when we meet, besides talking about topics you all bring up, how to best lead a group discussion, and how we can improve on the music activities, we share our own insecurities and where they might get in the way of group leading.

 

The coversation was open and supportive, but it was also heavy and difficult. At a certain point we desperately needed an energy shift. We needed to release everything that had come up. 

 

So you know what we did? I bet you can guess.

 

Hell yeah. MUSIC.

 

I told the instructors about a group I had where one of the moms shared very upsetting news. After processing verbally, we turned to music to take us the rest of the way into supporting and soothing each other. 

 

The song I turn to in moments like that is “Peace like a River.” I’m not sure why, something about the simplicity of it, the predictable melody, the spiritual but not religious lyrics, does it for me.

 

It reminds me to breathe deeply, bring my focus back to my body, listen closely to the voices of others, and get out of my thinking brain and into my feeling body.

 

I asked the other instructors “What song does that for you?”

 

One mentioned “Landslide” and she sang it for us. Pause to imagine it. We didn’t even dare sing with her because we wanted to hear the calm and beauty of her voice.

 

Another said hers was “Let it Be.” This time we sang along, because we also felt the power of that song to bring us all together.

 

After a couple of songs we realized that the energy in the room had shifted COMPLETELY. We went from tension, insecurity, and anxiety, to connectedness. To feeling. To being fully in the moment and with each other.

 

So this week dear Tunesters, I’ve got two tips for you:

 

1. Share all of your fears and anxiety in our groups.  

That’s what they are there for. At this point you know that our classes are not just about singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider. And if you aren’t in our classes share with a friend or a relative.

As Tom Hanks recently said, quoting Mr. Rogers:

“If it is mentionable, it is manageable.”

But talking doesn’t get us there all the way.

 

2. When you start to feel overwhelmed, find your song.

When you are in the thick of a tough conversation, or find yourself talking about your challenges but not really feeling them, use a song. See if it can help you center, breathe into it, and feel that emotion even more. And if you’re not in a belt-out-loud appropriate place, sing it in your head. Or blast it on your headphones.

I bet you know how I would edit Mr. Rogers’ words just by listening to my music:

“If it’s singable, it’s manageable.”

 

We all have a song. Now find the one that makes you feel more powerful than the Coronavirus. 

 

Do you have a song that immediately calms you or your babe down (or, bonus points, BOTH of you)? Share with us and all the moms out there in need of a battle cry. 

 

Have you been singing Covid19 to the tune of “Come On Eileen?” If not it may be time to start.

 

Have a friend who needs to hear this? Send them the Tuesday Tune In so they can relieve their anxiety momentarily as well.

And tell them to sign up below so they can get more of these.

 

Family dating – the new frontier

In the last post we explored mom dating. But once the kids get a little older,  we are thrust back into the dating scene. This time, it’s Whole Family Dating.

 

Why Family Dating? Because it’s important. We all know the joy of having children can also take its toll on our social life. You know, as in meaningful contact/fun with people who don’t throw tantrums and care about something other than unicorns? It’s like free babysitting, where everyone can have fun AT THE SAME TIME. It’s almost too good to be true. 

 

Imagine the perfect date: You go to your friend’s house, they also have two kids, around the same age as yours. After 20 minutes, you exhale. Your kids’ initial shyness wears off, your youngest leaves your lap and your oldest accepts that the visit to a new home is going to last more than a few minutes and finds something to do.

 

By the end of dinner the kids are playing so hard together they actually don’t want to leave. You’ve been able to have a post-dinner glass of wine with your friends and everyone is pretty dang happy.

 

Never mind the shit show that is about to follow on the way home, or when you get home, trying to put over-tired over-stimulated and over-sugared kids to sleep. But that comes with the outing. Kind of like the way we accepted the nausea, headache, and regret we felt coming home from the bar with friends in our previous lives.

 

All in all, you feel like you just had a great date, and you find yourself fantasizing about more to come. 

 

Why was the date so good? Because there was a matching of all parts. All grown ups, all kids.

 

This, my friends, is the new frontier of dating—and it is so much more complicated than courting/dating that one person  was.

 

I mean, then, we only had to connect to each other. Now, there has to be an intricate meeting of all strands. Family needs to fit family. Everyone has to match! And holy shit, that’s not simple. It’s practically a probability nightmare!

 

And where does this dating lead to? Not to marriage obviously, but to the ULTIMATE GOAL way more coveted than that — THE. JOINT. FAMILY. VACATION. 

 

Now you readers out there with one kid might be reading this thinking “No problemo! If there isn’t a complete seal with each member of the family, my kid can sit on my lap, or they can play separately, or—the easiest option—they can watch a movie.”

 

But your kid will grow. And that just won’t be enough. Also, in order for the ULTIMATE GOAL to happen, there will need to be more chemistry than technology. Trust me.

 

The tricky part is this, your kid will not always get along with your favorite friends’ kid. It’s tragic when there’s no kid magic, but it happens. 

 

My eldest is an introvert. It’s not quite that he didn’t like the other kids at dinner parties, he just didn’t care for them. He felt no motivation to bond with new kids. He had his few good friends and that’s all he felt he needed. Done, end of story. For him…

 

For me, that was tough. I am (clearly) NOT an introvert. I need people, I like people, I want to be liked by people. I want to be invited back.

 

But my oldest son never brought me friends as my other two have, just by being more social.

 

And now I’ll share something even more personal: my husband is an introvert too.

 

What does this mean? Family dating rests primarily on my shoulders. It’s up to me to do the flirting and the scheduling. 

 

And then I need  to relinquish control on the rest.

 

So, because this blog is about giving you practical solutions to life’s complexities with kids and not just talking about them, here are some Tune-in Tips. 

  1. Flirting:
    This goes back to part 1 of this blog, about Mom Dating. Basically the gist is, be yourself. Don’t be afraid to be the imperfect, falling apart at the seams mom. Those are the ones we love.
  2. Scheduling:
    This actually tends to be much more challenging than it should be. My Israeli friends tell me that in Israel playdates and family gatherings are much more spontaneous. They happen daily without any pre-planning. I am not sure what it is about our culture that makes for effortful get togethers. We are all so busy, and our kids seem to be even busier. So with the scheduling, I think we need to take a page from our more laid-back mediteranean parent friends and try to have schedules that leave some wiggle room for more spontaneous meetings.
    Building on that: Are we afraid to throw out last-minute invitations? Do we feel we need to clean the house first? Prepare Pinterest-worthy snack plates? Newsflash: no one will judge you! I challenge you to throw out a spontaneous invitation, and please report back with the details.
  3. The Date:
    It’s taken me awhile to learn this, but my son has been my teacher. We just have to let go. If it is a match, it will happen. If it isn’t, it just won’t. You might be wondering, But what if we just continue to meet with the family? Eventually the kids will learn to get along, right? No. Or maybe. But it might take a ton of commitment on your part because you may have to deal with whiny kids for a fair part of it.
  4. Perseverance:
    Don’t give up after the first time. We have friends that we have invited for dinner but have never been invited back. Does that mean they didn’t match with us? Not necessarily! Who knows what they’ve got going on? With family dating, it can’t be tit for tat.
  5. Take It Down A Notch:
    The ultimate date is dinner or happy hour at a family’s home. But maybe you’re still wondering if there is a match. No problem. There are other less committal dates to be had: Cake and coffee, or meeting at the playground. 

 

Have you had an amazing family date where everyone matched? Where? What did you do? Or was it a disastrous date you’d like to have stricken from the records? Please comment below and hook up all the families in desperate need of a match! 

 

Also – do you have a friend who needs to learn the secrets of Family Dating? Or Mom Dating? Send them this blog! Tell them they can sign up for more Tuesdays Tune Ins below.

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

It’s back to dating…

Ladies – You finally did it. You found the person you want to start a family with. Or maybe you even decided to do it on your own. It only took the first half of your life.

 

And what now? Dating again?

 

Yup. It’s Mom-dating time. 

 

You spent the first part of your life gearing up to this family thing and now your life has changed completely.  And now you to find new friends ASAP and get back into the field.

 

And it can be So. Much. Worse.

 

Because now you are hormonal, exhausted, lonely, bored, and oh so very NEEDY.

 

It hurts even to just write that. 

 

When I had my first baby I was a mess. Beyond the exhaustion, nursing went so awfully that at some point my mother said – “please just quit. You need to stop seeing your son as a predator.”

 

I was not quite dating material…

 

But let’s back up. Because the dating doesn’t start in those first months. That’s when we think we can just continue life as usual – going to brunch, seeing late music shows, going to friends’ parties with baby in tow.

 

I’m a cool mom!” you say to yourself. “I am still fun. I still do all the stuff I did before. And my baby is so chill! She just comes along for the ride!”

 

And then it hits hard.

 

The isolation. The loneliness. And if your other friends haven’t had babies yet, well then you’re on your own.

 

So what do we do? We mom date.

We go to classes, we hang at cafes, we chat on FB groups, and we put new found energy into finding our mom buddy.

 

We work so damn hard to conduct a conversation while seeming SUPER COOL about the fact that the baby just spit up on our sweater, won’t eat from the right side and the left side is dry, and we just left our phone in the cab along with our BRAIN.

 

We nonchalantly sit in the cafe across from our date going over our mental check-list:

  1. Did she lose it when the paci fell on the floor and someone stepped on it while walking by or did she laugh it off?
  2. Did she just make a funny joke about the face her baby made, but not in a way that makes it seem like she thinks her baby is overly SPECIAL in any way?
  3. Does she talk about anything OTHER than her baby but nothing too clever or referencing something we no longer are in touch with?
  4. Can we talk about sleep and how to get it without hearing about her last night down to the minute?
  5. Is she falling apart in front of our eyes and seems like a nice person but maybe in a month or so?


– or, the evil of all evils –

 

6. Does she seem like the PERFECT MOM?

 

Ugh. She’s got her shit together. She has the cute diaper bag. Somehow she looks fresh as a bunny and doesn’t look haggard or exhausted. Is that make up she is wearing? Are her NAILS F*CKING DONE??

 

Nope. She’s not the one.

 

You know why? Because there is no perfect mom. 

 

Here’s a secret. The perfect mom is the one you don’t know well. And that mom? She has her break down moments in the middle of the night alone, or on those twice daily conversations with her mom, or sobbing during SNL.

 

You know what YOU need for your friend?

 

The mom who isn’t afraid to say that it SUCKS. That it is hard, and that she has no clue what she is doing.

 

You need the mom who won’t judge you– who in fact will tell you what a great job you are doing even when you cry as you are telling her how hard it was to carry the groceries home while the baby shrieked and you had to pee so very desperately and knew you wouldn’t be able to for a good hour.

 

Here’s the real checklist you need when you go on your next mom date:

  1. Is she willing to be real, honest, vulnerable, supportive and IMPERFECT?

 

That’s your match mama. Now make sure that you are doing the same.

 

Have you gone on the perfect mom date recently? Or the mom date from hell? Let us know. Comment below.

 

Do you have a friend who needs to hear what her checklist should look like as she searches for her mama tribe? Send this email to her and tell her to sign up for the Tuesday Tune In for more.

And I’ll leave you with this: A pic of mama dating that went well as a result of Baby in Tune classes 🙂

Processed with VSCO with av4 preset

  

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

Sleep and how to get it

Dear Tunesters, 

I can talk about music up the wazoo but the fact is that your biggest chagrin is sleep. I know. That’s why I’ve dedicated this Tuesday Tune-in to sleep and how to get it. After working with thousands of parents and dealing with three babies of my own, I’ve come up with what I feel are the important elements when it comes to sleep. 

 

Did you ever imagine that you’d be thinking about sleep so much? I’m sure that these days you plan your entire day around it – when you’ll feed, when you’ll leave the house, when you (eventually) take a shower, when you eat. It’s all around the baby’s sleep

 

That’s why, from the moment they come into our lives, they RULE us. We become slaves to shuteye. And our babies become our tyrant majesties. But such cute kings and queens! 🙂

 

I’m no sleep consultant and you guys know that’s not my main focus. But I do work hard to make your relationship with your baby the best it can be and sleep is an integral part of that. 

 

Most of us struggle with this at one point or another. There are those miracle babies out there who instantly sleep well at night, but if your baby is anything like my three adorable little night-hell creatures, yours keeps you up through the night. 

 

The frustrating thing about this is that there is no absolute right way. I am sure you know that by now because it applies to all things baby. Each path you choose will have its benefits and costs somewhere down the road.

 

So I’ll share tips that are not dependent on a particular strategy (CIO, attachment, 5 minutes, etc.) but can be used across the board. But the important part is to share with each other what has worked for YOU. Please comment below and let us know so that we can do some important group sharing. 

 

So here are my tips in no particular order of importance: 

 

Tips to Better Sleep 

1.  A white-noise machine

As a musician, I am particularly sensitive to sound. So are our babies. White noise helps to simulate the sound of the womb and helps to block out any sudden noises in the environment. If you have an older kid, this is important. And if you don’t want to be tiptoeing around your own home, this is also important. 

 

2. A lovey

In psychology, the English psychoanalyst Winnicott was the first to talk about transitional objects. The idea is that these objects – like a lovey or a blankey – help our baby transition from needing to be soothed by US to being able to SELF soothe with the help of an object that replaces us.

It is basically a micro version of our work with our children in general. We slowly teach them how to be independent and less reliant on us.

I like those little animals heads with the felt body like this one. It’s nice to put it in your shirt for a couple of days before you give it to your baby so it will smell like you. 

 

3. A lullaby

If you’ve been with me for a while, this should not come as a surprise. I’m not just saying this one because I believe in the power of music to soothe, make us happier and connect us to each other. The lullaby actually does work.

Pick a lullaby; be consistent with it; and eventually your baby will associate the lullaby with sleep and will rub her eyes just at the sound of it. 

Also, it is the perfect way to really connect with your baby before the overnight separation. 

Here’s mine as an example.  Your lullaby should be a song that’s soothing for YOU too. Find one that inspires you to slow down gaze lovingly into the eyes of your babe.

 

4. A bottle before bed

No matter if you are doing sleep training or not, it’s torturous to feel like our baby is crying because she’s hungry in the middle of the night. The best way to quell our own anxiety is to give them a full bottle before bed.

When we breastfeed it’s much harder to tell how much our baby is eating and it leaves us with too many middle of the night anxiety attacks. Knowing our baby went to sleep with a full stomach means they can potentially sleep through the night without refueling.

 

5. Baby talk 

This one becomes more important after about 9 or 10 months but it’s good to start it early on.

Talk to your baby. Tell your baby that you are about to put him into bed. Calmly tell him that you are right next door; that you love him; that you will be there if he absolutely needs you, but that it is better for him and for you to sleep through the night.

The more you talk to your baby in this way, the more your baby will start to understand this.

And parents, this is also for you. Because I know that you need to hear this just as much as your baby does. Talk to you.

 

6. Laying down only half asleep

I know you hate this one but it’s true. Try to put your baby into bed when they are not fully asleep. The best time to work on this is during the day for naps when they aren’t completely exhausted from the day and neither are you.

It’s great to have a mobile in the bed that will help them zone out a little bit until their eyes finally fall closed. But this one only works if you do the next tip … 

 

7. Bedtime before overtired time

This one’s hard. It involves catching our baby before the fussy-overtired-overstimulated-monster-baby takes over.

I know. It can be hard to pick up on the cues. For that reason, especially at the beginning, It’s best to go with time intervals to really help you be aware. For instance, babies around four months old can only stay awake for about an hour and 45 minutes between naps. This means that by the time an hour and a half has gone by you should start winding down.

I’ve found that this is a universal rule-  right when our babies are their most charming, funny and engaged, is when the crash is around the corner. 

 

8. A long wind-down

Think about yourself. When you get into bed it probably takes you at least half an hour to wind down. You might do this with a book, your phone, the TV, meditation or just staring at the ceiling. Our babies are the same way. But they need us to help them wind down.

In my opinion, music is the best way to do this. But no matter what tool you use, be sure to start winding down a good half hour before you are going to put them to sleep. Start to limit the noises in the room; dim the lights; bring down your own energy; and create a calm atmosphere. 

 

9. A fade out 

Once you’ve managed to calm your baby and you’ve found the sweet spot when they are a little drowsy but not overtired, you put them into the bed successfully.

But wait.

Be sure you don’t bolt out of there. That might ruin the whole deal. Take an extra minute to slowly fade out on your lullaby, to let your energy stay soft and calm as you slowly walk out of the room. It takes willpower, time and concentration but it’s worth the effort. 

 

That’s all about getting your baby to sleep. 

Now what about keeping your baby asleep? 

 

It’s important to know that all babies wake up in the middle of the night, just as we do. Our goal is to teach them how to put themselves back to sleep without our help. 

There are so many resources out there about sleep training. So much controversy, so many different types of advice. I’m not going to tell you whether to sleep train or not. I will tell you that I needed to do it with all three of mine, despite high hopes of not needing to.

I can tell you that in my years of working with parents, it is RARE that a baby who woke up often during the night learns how to sleep through the night on his own. They usually need some type of intervening or lack of intervening.

 

All that said,  here’s what I’ve learned and I think this is most important …

 

We all have a different threshold of what we can take. 

 

Some of you absolutely needed to start sleeping through the night at 3 months. Some of you don’t mind waking up a couple of times with your one year old. Some of you hit your threshold at 2 years and decided the baby needed to leave your bed. 

We all have a different breaking point and that’s okay. It’s important to notice our own. That’s going to be the moment when you are ready to take action. Until then, there’s no point in torturing yourself about whether or not you’ll sleep train. If you aren’t at your threshold yet, then you are going to want to believe that you don’t need to do it. If you are at your threshold, you will be ready to do what it takes to get a good night’s sleep.

It takes a ton of willpower and no matter what technique you use it’s no fun. 

But even if you don’t here’s something important to remember:  This does not last forever. I don’t mean that in a seize-the-moment kind of way. I mean it in a this-nighttime-hell-will-pass way.

Eventually, probably within the year, you will go back to sleeping through the night. I promise. By that time, your baby will be a little older and things will be different than they are now. You won’t be in quite the same sleepless haze wondering what someone JUST said. 

Okay. Stop reading. Go to bed. I hope you got some good sleep tonight.

And if you get woken up tonight sing your baby THIS. It is the only protest song I’ve ever written.

So we all REALLY want to hear – What is your best sleep trick? Comment below and tell us.

 

Does your friend need this list?  Send them the Tuesday Tune In.

And they can sign up for more below:

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

5 parenting resolutions you can actually keep

Here’s my challenge to you this year – 

 

What if we thought about resolutions a little bit differently? 

 

Instead of making changes in order to reach some grand goal we have in mind, what if we make small adjustments to our daily habits so that we can enjoy NOW even more?

 

Can we make a deal? Can our overarching theme for this year be to truly see and enjoy what is right in front of us? That is 2020 vision. 

 

So without further ado here are the 5 totally doable daily habits that will help you see (and feel) more clearly.

 

1. A morning hug. No matter how old your baby is, this one applies. Even in the frenzy of the morning, go to your child and share a delicious hug. It might be a standing hug with your baby in your arms or it might be a hug from behind if your kid is reading (like mine does in the morning), or it might be climbing into bed with them for a minute. Whatever position it is, take a breath in that hug. A full inhale and exhale. The exhale is the important part.
Your kid will start the day feeling held and loved. And you will start the day holding what is most precious to you.

 

2.  A song a day. When you are with your kids, play at least one song that makes you feel good. Share the music you love with your kids. Sing with it, dance with it, cook to it, fall asleep to it. Whatever you’re doing, take a moment to share one song a day that you really enjoy. See how it alters everyone’s mood and moment.

 

3. An activity you love. Do something you love doing in front of your kid/s each day – cooking, singing, playing piano, exercising, meditating, reading, knitting, painting, cleaning, writing. Whatever it is, try to find at least two minutes a day to let your kids see you doing it. You will reap the benefits of doing what you love and they will be inspired to find what they love, and maybe even do that same activity.

 

4. A bedtime hug. Right before you run out that door, take a moment to do a bedtime hug. This one is hard, I know. We want to start OUR time ASAP. And if your sleeping arrangements are like ours it isn’t always convenient to get that hug – one is on a bunk bed, one is in a nook.. But take a breath, pause for the hug. Inhale, exhale. Make it sweet. It may even be your favorite part of the day.

 

5. A helpful task. This one is especially for the older kids but you can start early – find one housekeeping task a day that your kids can help with. I know. This one isn’t quite in the joyful moment category. But if we have them do one thing a day, our day feels better, and eventually theirs will too. One is doable, and can make lasting change.

 

I like what Elizabeth Gilbert said this year. It’s nice to keep this in mind:

“You don’t have to have a New Years resolution.

You are not required to justify your existence on earth through constant improvement…

You don’t need to earn you right to be here by putting yourself to higher and higher standards.

You just get to be here.

You belong here.

You are loved on earth.”

 

That’s it for today dear Tunesters. 5 changes that are easy to make that will change your day for the better.

 

Now tell me – what are YOUR parenting resolutions for this year? Do you have more to add to this list? If so, COMMENT below. I’d love more ideas!

 

Have a friend who needs to put a new lens on 2020? Send her/him this to sign up for future ones too.

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

How to get through the Winter Witching Hour

Here it comes you guys – Winter is on its way. Evenings are getting darker and that means a lot more time at home with our babies. 

 

Let’s stay calm. We can get through this. 

 

Honestly, if it were just less sunlight on it’s own, then we could deal. But it feels like the last straw on top of already:

  • being bored out of your mind around 5pm 
  • Not sleeping and being basically half a human
  • Feeling your hormones rage high and low.
  • Watching your identity change completely from who you thought you once were

 

Sound familiar? 

 

And the worst side effect to having a baby in the winter? Watching that door like a hawk waiting for your partner to come home.  When I first realized I was doing that I was mortified. Where was the independent, creative, self-motivated, resourceful woman? What had become of me??

 

So how do we get through this? Just. Start. Dancing.

 

It might sound crazy that I think we can solve all of those things above by putting on a song and moving around. But you’re going to have to trust me on this one. 

 

I promise it’s easy. Find a song that you love dancing to. It doesn’t matter how embarrassing it is or how old it is or how uncool it is. It just has to be the song that gets you excited to move. Since you’re reading this now (before that 5pm low), think of what your song might be and put it in a playlist. Maybe even put three songs in that playlist. 

 

When the sun starts to set, scoop your baby up; put that song on; and go to town. Put all the tasks aside and just let your body move to the beat. 

 

Why exactly will dancing cure our woes?

  1. Music is an endorphin. It actually makes us happy. I know that you’ve experienced this in the past so I don’t need to elaborate. 

 

  1. Moving to the beat gets us out of our heads and into our body. And that gets us into the present moment. It alleviates spiraling into that go-to internal dialogue: “This sucks.” “I’m tired.” “Who am I?” “Where is he?” “What do I do?” “I’m SO tired…”

 

  1. Dancing is a workout. As you know, moving our body – even a little bit strenuously –  energizes us in the long run. It reduces stress and releases endorphins and physical tension.

 

  1. Dancing with our baby brings us in sync with each other. Babies love to dance and move to a rhythm. In fact, they do it on their own from a very early age. When we move them with us to the rhythm of the music, we are sinking up our breathing and our mood, all while holding them close. It’s the closest simulation of the womb. 

 

  1. A dance party is like a reset to your evening. Just try it. You’ll see that that mood that you were feeling a minute ago dissipates into nothing. You might even feel a moment of Celebration. You’ve got a lot to celebrate: You got through the day! 

 

So what’s your favorite dance-party song? The only thing we need to do now is share with each other and the longer our list, the better off we’ll be in that dark when we’re watching the door like a Stepford Wife waiting for her partner to save us. 

 

Instead, let’s save ourselves!

 

Comment below with your jam. Let’s make a “It’s 5pm and winter” playlist that’s 100 songs long. 

 

Have a friend who texts you around 5pm each day? They need this, too. Forward it to them now and have a long-distance dance party.

 

Tell them to sign up here for more words of wisdom:

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

Today’s Panel of Judges…Family!!

Dear Tunester Family,

My big online course launch is behind us and now we can focus on the next big thing: the holidays. And specifically, the feeling that our family judges our parenting choices

 

For those of you with a baby, this is a new frontier.
And for those of you with bigger kids – well, you know this is a thing.

 

Let us start with the much contested and very controversial Thanksgiving. I won’t go into all the pros and cons of it. I have a feeling you’ve done that work already. But I do want to delve into the most important stuff(ing) that might come up this weekend or in the holiday weeks to come. 

 

Even one sly comment at each gathering can make us feel defensive about how we choose to parent. Sometimes they don’t even need to say a word. We just feel it. (Is it all in our heads? Maybe.) But we must have heard the critique at some point – possibly growing up as kids. My point is that it was enough to make us feel that there is a critical thought behind the smile, even if it goes unsaid. Which is almost as intolerable. 

 

Why is this so torturous?

Because it awakens our own inner judge.

 

The problem with parenting is that there is no right way. We will forever try to find the key to the daughter who eats everything on her plate, the baby who sleeps through the night, the toddler who doesn’t have tantrums at the table, or the son who doesn’t curse at his mama (see prior post). But it just doesn’t exist. 

 

Our journey as parents is to continually DO OUR BEST.

When a family member questions our choices, that brings up all of our doubts.

And they are PLENTY.

 

We work so hard to understand our kids *and* we are also just children trying to understand ourselves. So when your toddler hits the floor in a mad tantrum, you cycle into your rolodex of what you could be doing better. And what you are doing wrong. When that family member comments on the fact that we are no longer nursing or nursing too long; putting the baby down too early or too late; being too lax or too firm; then something happens. Your inner judge comes to life – and it is ruthless.

 

So what do we do?

Tell your own inner judge to shut the front door.

 

Parents, I know you tune in. I know you are doing your best. Every. Single. Day. Sometimes you go to sleep wondering why you lost your temper so easily or why you didn’t allow that one thing, or why you couldn’t have just been a little more patient, more loving and more playful. And that is the work. 

 

I know you are doing your absolute best.

And more importantly, YOU know you are.

 

Remember this when you are with your family this weekend or in the month to come:

You love your baby deeply. You are working hard at this parenting thing and are doing pretty darn great. You have made decisions based on who YOU are and who your BABY is, and they are good decisions.

 

If you can truly sit with that, then the comments won’t touch you as deeply. Sure, it will be annoying. Nobody has the right to criticize anyone else. But it won’t be as triggering. Because their judge won’t be communicating directly with your inner judge. In fact, their outer judge will only be communicating with their inner judge, which we can’t do a thing about. 

 

You remember that. 

And for that snide commentor? Give them a compliment.

 

I’m dead serious. I got this idea from my daughter actually. The other day she was having a playdate. I overheard her friend say, “There is a girl in my class and she is so mean to me!” And my daughter said, “Give her a compliment!”

If you want to go above and beyond and want to communicate with their inner judge – give them a compliment.

Tell them you remember how well they parented, how they seem to really connect to your baby; how they seem to have great instincts.

 

This last instruction is not simple, I know. It would be pretty big of us if we could do this.

 

But maybe we can try. For the sake of a complicated holiday that reminds us to be better people.

 

So tell me – do you relate? Are you prepping your retorts for parenting “advice”?

 

Can you see yourself giving a compliment instead. I’d love to hear. COMMENT below.

 

Do you have a friend heading into a familial panel of judges? Help them get through it. Send them the link below so they can read this one and sign up for more.

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

The real reason I don’t spend time with my baby

Dear Tunester – Today I want to talk about a topic that’s both painful and beautiful: Time. I’ve been thinking a lot about the phrase, “I don’t have time.” 

 

As in: “I don’t have time to spend time with my baby.” Or “I don’t have time to do music with my baby.” – I need to do laundry, work, dishes, shower, eat, feed, put to sleep, and a thousand other things.

 

I can’t help but wonder though: Is it true that we don’t have time? In many ways, absolutely. Taking care of a baby and kids is a FULL-TIME job. No doubt about it. But also … 

 

Is it possible that we use time as an excuse?

 

Let’s explore that for a minute. Are we avoiding hanging out with our kids in a meaningful way? Are we saying, “I don’t have time” but really meaning to say, “I don’t want to”?

 

Pause. 

 

I’m going to stop here for a minute and say that this blog post has been extremely hard for me to write. I’ve already spent more than 3 hours staring at the screen. And when that happens it is always an indication that this one is an issue that runs deep for me. So let’s continue but just know that I am right there with you if you are feeling it.

 

So – if time is an excuse to NOT hang out with our baby – why are we avoiding our baby?

 

Let’s explore some of the reasons that came up for me. I would love to hear yours in the comments below.

 

  1. It’s boring. Being with a baby or kid can be repetitive. One more time playing hide and seek; one more time jumping on the bed or tickling or singing that one song.
  2. It’s tiring. It’s a lot of physical work. Certainly for the first two years it’s all physical labor – picking them up, putting them down, dressing them, feeding them. Even after that it’s very tiring physically. Running around the playground, playing catch, throwing them around. One more push on that darn swing.
  3. It takes a different mindset and can feel isolating. There isn’t the shared understanding we have with grown-ups that allows us to tune out together in the same way or take things for granted in the same way. It is comforting to be with a grown-up who has a similar outlook merely because they’ve been in the world for a longer time. We are not surprised by the same things our kids are. (Side note: This same reason is also what makes hanging out with kids and babies so fantastically refreshing. They are surprised by things we already take for granted. We get an opportunity to experience even mundane things anew with them.)
  4. It involves self-sacrifice. Being with our babies and kids involves letting go of our own needs a bit. Although we strive to maintain our whole selves with them, their urgent needs take over. Kids are self centered and narcissistic and that is how they should be. But it means relinquishing ourselves a bit when we are with them.

 

It’s ok to feel these things. It’s ok to not want to be with our babies all the time. And it is important to explore all the reasons why. 

 

So we know why we DON”T want to hang out with them. 

 

And I know you know why we DO want to hang out with them. 

 

In fact, I’ve spent my career trying to put those feelings into song. It’s impossible to describe the joy that we receive as parents and we never even came close to before. That profound joy is amplified because we watch our kids grow so fast right in front of our eyes. With every new ability and new shoe size, we feel that we are mourning the bliss that came right before.

 

So this whole thing is tragic really. 

 

We want to be with them so badly. But we also don’t. 

 

It is unbearable and sublime all at once.

 

And that tension, and the fact that our babies are the ultimate reminder of time passing and the moments slipping through our fingers, makes it all too hard. 

 

So what do we do?

 

We do what we are doing here together. We acknowledge the difficulty. 

 

We forgive ourselves. We try to satisfy our need not to be bored, tired, isolated and sacrificed. We do this on our own or with friends and family. And then we go and sit with our time-lapsed capsules of joy.

 

What else are we saving our time for? What else is more important?

 

As my time in this career passes, I’ve realized that my mission – beyond helping you feel more confident as parents by giving new tools and techniques – is to remind you and myself that indeed we don’t have time and we’ll never have time. 

 

Time is not something we can have. What we do have is connection and touch, and feelings and breath. 

 

This is why I made The Baby in Tune Online Class (and all the classes). 

 

It isn’t about solving an urgent problem – although it helps you learn how to soothe baby, put him to sleep, and make your day wholly more fun.  More than that, it is about helping you feel, touch, breathe, and sing with your baby. It is about finding time to be with your baby fully.

 

Our babies ask us for one thing: Our time. 

 

That’s all they want. They want us to be with them.

 

So why is music the key to this conundrum?

 

 

Because it inherently brings us into the moment through FEELING, and BREATH, and being in SYNC, in a language that our baby understands and that we intuitively speak.

 

Let’s learn together how to do it in a way that feels just as nourishing for us as it is for them.

That’s what I am here to help you do.

 

Do you know someone who could use a step by step guide on how to BE with their baby in a way that is enjoyable and enriching for both? Send them to this link or buy them my brand new online class.

 

Do you know someone who really needs a weekly check in on all things parenthood and music? Send them the link below so they can join the Tuesday Tune In.

 

Do you resonate with the tragedy of wanting to be with your baby but also NOT wanting to be with your baby? Comment and let me know.

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

I’m not a real musician

Today’s blog is about finding your musical creativity despite your limitations. You know, the self-diagnosed level of musical genius you do – or don’t – have.

Even more than that, today is about finding your musical creativity within and because of your limitations.

Many parents in my groups say that they are not musicians, that they don’t sing well, that they have a terrible voice, or that they can’t hold a note.

 

Here’s the thing: Your babies don’t care. And musicality is part nature – but it’s also part nurture. It can catch up with practice.

I know what it’s like to not think of yourself as a musician.

 

I’m not a musician if you ask me. I’m someone who brings music to families – my own and music in general, but I’ve got major imposter syndrome.

I feel this way partially because I got into music quite late.

I only picked up a guitar when I was 24 years old. I never got the classical training that others got in their childhood or the harmonic training that people got in college.

 

The truth is: I started to play guitar because I wanted to sing jazz songs. Okay, yea and because paying a jazz musician to accompany me was expensive.

And then I started to write songs because, well, jazz songs are really hard to play.

 

My music was born out of limitation.

That’s the secret to art in my opinion. All art and creativity are born out of some limitation. Creativity is making something out of what you’ve got. If we have too many options, then it’s overwhelming.

So it’s worthwhile to investigate what your limitations are and how you can play within them. Here are some common ones but ask yourself what your own limiting thoughts are. I bet they’ll come to you pretty easily.


Three Common Limitations

1. “I sing off key.” or “I can’t hold a note.”

If you feel you can’t sing in the melody of a song you may have heard songs sung off key growing up. Or, maybe more likely, you have not had enough practice doing it.

What’s required is to sing along with music – with others or alone, ALOT.

But you may have been told not to sing as a kid, which made you stop. Sadly, we often only need one person to tell us that we’re not a good singer to make us stop singing for good.

Either way, there’s a Snowball Effect. It just gets handed down through generations.

The kid becomes a parent and doesn’t sing to their kids and then those kids don’t get enough practice either.

Want to go a step further than singing along to Stevie Wonder? Get some singing lessons.

Sometimes it is about learning how to use certain muscles in our vocal cords so that we can match what we hear. Having someone else who can mirror back what we are singing in a supportive way can also help us become aware of the discrepancy between what our voice sounds like on the outside versus you’re hearing in our heads.

 

2. “I don’t have a good voice.”

Once again, this one has to do with what we were probably told as kids. Often it’s more related to the melody/key issue in the first limitation above.

But assuming you are singing on pitch and still believe you don’t have a good voice, then I give you all of these examples: Bob Dylan, Cyndi Lauper, Tina Turner, Elvis Costello, Bjork, Rickie Lee Jones, and ME.

My voice is a little raspy and always has been. When I was young I would sing with my cousin all the time. Her voice was smooth; she could hit all the high notes; and her singing seemed to flow like a cool stream of water.

Meanwhile, although I did have an ear for music and could sing harmonies, I got the message from those around me that my voice was not as pretty.

(In fact, when I remind my mother of this story now she cringes: When I was in sixth grade, I auditioned for a part in a musical. My mother suggested that I add some dance moves to my song because my voice “wasn’t my strong suit.”)

Here’s what I say to all of you who feel that your voice is not pretty – it’s exactly that “unprettiness” that makes it so unique. So please -continue singing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. “I’m not a musician.”

Okay, so this is a big one and I’ve already told you that I feel the same way. The good news is that it can be liberating. Knowing that you are not a musician means that you will not be trying to outdo any of the music out there that you love. It means that you’ve given yourself a pass.

Now let’s use that pass.

To you I would say: Why not try to pick up a ukulele or a guitar? All you need is three chords to play most songs out there. Since you are ‘not a musician’ you will never need to play them very well. You only need to play them well enough to have fun.

 

Have you spotted your limitation? Now, use it. 

Get creative as if you only had a candle, a roll of tape and a hairbrush to make it out of a locked room, Macgyver style. You would probably figure it out and find your way.

Here’s how I use my limitation:

I write songs that are in my key and that I can sing easily. They don’t have a wide range, they don’t have fancy twists and turns.

I also write songs that are fairly easy to play. They don’t have a lot of chord changes. And, when I am inspired, I learn some fancier ways to play to push me to write a particular song.

I write lyrics that I can fully relate to – about my life, my feelings, what I imagine my kids to be feeling. I write about what I know.

 

How can you use your limitations? Assuming that most of you are not planning to become professional musicians our task today is not to dwell on whether you may have the talent that will bring you to Carnegie Hall.

Our task is to find just the right amount of musicality to bring to your baby that is inspired by your limitation.

When you say “I don’t have a nice voice” or “I can’t sing on key,” see if you can use that in your music with your baby.

Write songs that fit your “pitchless” voice perfectly.

Show your baby the uniqueness of your voice. Trust me. She will love it more than any Bob Dylan or Adele.

 

So now tell me – How do you get creative in singing with a limitation? Only sing folk music and not pitch-changing pop? Add your unique raspiness to a chorus? Comment here and share with all of us non-musicians.

Got a friend who’s definitely said one of these limiting statements? Send him/her this blog so they know they’re not alone. They can sign up for it here:

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

What second-child guilt is really masking

Tunesters-

I’m going to say it right out: We didn’t give the second kid as much attention as we gave the first. But read on. I don’t think it’s such a bad thing.

 

For those of you who already have a second child, you might know this firsthand.

For those of you who are thinking about another baby (and are worried about exactly this), you are right to be concerned.

 

In our generation, we have babies pretty late in life. What that means is that we’ve had quite a bit of time in our lives to cultivate the alpha parts of our personality. We got used to being in control and having things done the way we want them. And then a baby comes along and we take it on like a project. We pour our energy into it in ways that our parents never did. And it’s not until the second comes along that we realize one big truth…

Our babies actually don’t need us to do much.

They need us to keep them healthy; create a loving environment for them to explore; and teach them how to be safe.

Figuring this out comes with a mild case of guilt.

 

We feel guilty that we haven’t given them as much as we did to our first. As we watch our second child thrive and surprise us with every song they sing, every scooter ride they conquer and every glass of water that they get all alone by pulling the chair to the sink; we torture ourselves that we didn’t give them enough attention.

 

But did our baby need us – or did we need to be needed?

 

What our guilt is masking is our surprise (again and again) at how little we are needed. It doesn’t feel good not to be needed and so we need to mourn that. Again and again.

 

Here’s how that guilt/surprise/mourning unfolded for me:

 

With my eldest, I convinced myself that I was extremely needed.

 

Tell me if this sounds familiar. With my first kid , I more or less followed the rules and so did my kid. As a baby, he had a schedule. As a toddler, he only ate healthy stuff and his pajama tops and bottoms always matched. I played with him on the rug for hours. I held on to certain structures and routines like they were a life vest thrown out to a drowning mama at sea. It was my way to make sense of the whole thing.

 

With my second, I couldn’t imagine how I would make it work.

 

I didn’t have the endless hours or the boundless patience. It wasn’t the same Mommy+Me life anymore. I couldn’t sit and watch him learn to roll – and then learn to get up on his knees and then learn to crawl and then walk. There was a toddler chanting “Mama” behind me.

 

Same thing when I would’ve wanted to sing to him – and play with him, teach him how to put wooden donuts on the stick. Seriously. I have a 5-minute video of my first struggling to get the red donut on the yellow thingy. Not only did I sit there filming it with more patience than Buddha, my friends and family watched it, too! (Lookout Netflix – it’s riveting.)

 

Let’s just say: I was used to putting all my energy into my first and in many ways I continued to do that. And the next thing I knew it, my second son started to roll, crawl, walk – and do so many things on his own.

 

That’s when I learned babies become independent – independently.

 

Your first teaches you a lot of things. A LOT. But your second teaches you different things:

He didn’t need me to show him how.

He didn’t fuss until I cheered him on.

He didn’t even wait until I was near him for each attempt at something new.

 

For all I knew, he sat alone and did those donuts until he had every one on. I don’t have a video to prove it but it definitely happened at some point. And I learned, with some guilt and some self work, that being needed gives me purpose but being their foundation gives them wings. And there’s nothing to feel guilty about when it comes to that.

Easy to say, right? How has second-child guilt manifested for you? Comment here whether it’s overcompensating on the weekends or taking it out on your workouts.

 

Know a friend thinking about a second? Or one dealing with attention-balancing act of having two? Forward them this blog because so they know every there’s something good to come of it.

 

And if you’re wondering whether I wrote a song about all this, in fact I did. It’s called Little Bird and is on my album about siblings – “Songs for Sisters and Brothers.”

 

Yes! Please send me more of the Tuesday Tune-In!

When you feel distant from your kid, do THIS

Dear Tunester,

This week’s post is a super simple strategy for tuning in that you can try out immediately. Like right now. It’s fun; it’s easy; and it a superpower:

This game can repair a temporarily broken relationship with your child.

 

Every now and then I feel like one of my kids drifts away from me a bit. Sometimes it’s because he or she is going through a rough patch and is acting out more than usual. Other times it’s because the others needed more attention during that period. Or maybe it’s because I have been busier than normal and somehow that kid got lost in the shuffle.

 

For instance:
Currently, my eldest seems to be more aggressive with his siblings and more defiant toward me. Connecting with him is more of a struggle while connecting with the others comes more easily and more naturally at the moment.

Last month, it was my middle who seemed to constantly be on the edge of a tantrum. I found myself keeping my distance a bit from him, not wanting to set him off.

 

Our relationships with our kids ebb and flow just like the ones we have with our partners, friends and family members.

But when it comes to our kids, it’s up to US to notice the rift as quickly as we can and make an effort to repair it. That said, it’s not always easy to be the grown up.

When I am in this state, I need a jumpstart for the process of repair.

 

That’s when I play the “Why I Love You” Game.

It’s pretty simple. Ok, here goes:

  1. Say to your child, ”Let’s play a game. Let’s take turns saying to the other person why we love each other. I’ll start.”
  2. Say things that are very specific to your child’s personality. Use sentences that begin with “I love you because … “ or “I love how you …”.Examples:
      • “I love you because you laugh at little things that sometimes annoy me at first but then I see you laughing and I realize it is funny.”
      • “I love you because get very excited about what you are learning at school and you love to share it with me.”
      • “I love how you make up silly songs. They are so funny!”
      • “I love you because you try to find ways to help people around you.”
      • “I love you because you always give me the biggest warmest hugs before bed.”
      • “I love how you build things and you get so involved in your creations.”

Now imagine that you are in one of those difficult periods with your kid when it is harder to think of these positive things. Your rough patch is so rough right now that you can only think of reasons why he or she is driving you crazy. Don’t worry. It is ok. We have all been there at one point or another. It just means you have to look past the provocative behavior and pinpoint the charming ones.

Examples:

      • “I love how after you get very angry about something you always come back to me and find a way to give me a hug.”
      • “I love how when you feel overtired or overstimulated you know that you need to find time to be alone and read.”

 

What are they saying meanwhile? It doesn’t even matter.

They might even surprise you. They might be more perceptive than you think. They might just make your day with the reasons they love you.

Reminding each other of your love can be the first step toward reconciliation or reconnection.

In fact, we should all go around doing this to the people we love ALL THE TIME.

 

You know why I love you all?

I love you because you take the time to read what is important to me.
I love how you trust me to make music for your family.
And I love you because you share your most precious relationship with me – the one with your babies.

 

Have a thousand reasons you want to write down before you forget? Comment here with what you’ll tell your child tonight.

Have a friend who’s been in a rift with their child? Forward them this email and let them know sometimes a parent and child are only one game away from reconnecting.

What are your 3 things?

This Tuesday Tune-In is short and sweet – and the point of it is to hear from you at the end.

Recently, while listening to a podcast I love called “Magic Lessons,” I heard a quote that I’ve been thinking about a lot by playwright/performer Sarah Jones:

“What if joy is my only metric for success?”

Pause for a moment. Think about this. Why does success often mean something different for us?

If we said this quote to little kids who haven’t yet felt consumed by competition, then they would say, ”Duh.” For them, the sign of a good day is a fun day. They would give huge extra bonus points to a day if it involved giggles with us.

But what do we consider to be a sign of success? I’m not asking about happiness, rather success. It’s complicated for each of us. But often it has to do with money, freedom, acclaim, fame, property, nice things and nice vacations.

That said, I have a feeling that every single one of you just read that quote above and thought to yourself, “Yeah. That sounds much more accurate than any other concept of success.”

So let’s go with this idea for a moment and follow through. If JOY is our metric of success than what brings us joy?

Here’s the good news: Joy is moment to moment. It’s more of a short-term plan than actualizing something in the long term. Because, the thing is, we can’t possibly know what will bring us joy in a year. We can only try to figure out what will bring us joy right now.

I’ve told you before that the Five-Minute Journal has made me hone in on what makes me happy. [Here’s my post on how to practice it.] Looking back at my journals, I realize that three things consistently keep coming up for me when I put down on paper what would make my day better.

My 3 Joyful Things:
1. Smiling.
2. Laughing.
3. Singing.

These are the things that I need to remind myself to do daily, especially when I am low, in order to make my day great. I want to smile more to strangers. I want to laugh more with my children and with those around me. I want to sing and play music either by myself or with others.

It doesn’t mean that those are the only things that have come up for me. I’ve had days when I remind myself to hug my kids or husband more. There are days when I remind myself to meditate, speak to a friend or family member, go dancing or read a book.

No matter what though, these are the three simple things that come up again and again for me on my list. Coming up with what these are for me has been helpful. I can give myself a daily reminder of what I need to put some effort into in order to feel more joy during my day.

I just asked my eldest what his three things are and he said:

My Son’s 3 Joyful Things:
1. Read
2. Have fun
3. Learn

So I ask you: What are your 3 Joyful Things? I would SO LOVE to hear what come up with in the comments below! Please share.

Is one of your joyful things being a support to friends? Then you’ll get joy from forwarding a fellow parent this newsletter!

 

Yes! Please send me more of the Tuesday Tune-In!