Category Archives: Family

My theme song for 2020

Dear tuned-in parents – I talk a lot about having songs for your baby to transition from one thing to another. Diaper to new diaper. Clothes to pajamas. Awake to asleep.

Well, today’s Tuesday Tune-in is about a song for YOU to transition – from this year to next year. 

 

Your theme song is powerful.

 

It can be an acknowledgement of where you are. 

Example: Sara Bareilles’ “She Used to be Mine.” There was a time a couple of years ago when this was my theme song. Looking back on that time, I see that I was mourning a part of myself. The song helped me reconnect through some sadness and kindness to myself. 

 

It can be a motivator to keep going. 

Example: “Eye of the Tiger,” the Rocky theme song. In my twenties, I dated a grunge rocker/ snowboarder. He brought me to his home state of Vermont to learn how to snowboard myself and let’s just say I fell. A lot. On my head. But what I did have was a theme song. Every time I fell, I took a moment to absorb the pain and frustration. Then I found myself getting back up while singing quietly to myself, “Rising up, back on my feet…”

 

It can be anything that makes you feel like your truest self. 

Theme songs have always gotten me going. Not to say that they’re always happy and upbeat.  But they’re always honest. They always act as a reminder of what I need to grow.

 

The amazing part is that most likely your theme song is already playing in your head – as you go to sleep, take a pause in your day, do something that energizes you or something that you dread. 

 

Our mind is like a jukebox with a playlist of its own. And every now and then one record keeps spinning because it is the one we need to hear.

 

For me, for the beginning of this year, two songs have been playing on repeat in my head. Interestingly, they seem contradictory. But dammit – so is life.

 

The first is an oldie, Otis Redding’s masterpiece – “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay”. It reminds me to take it slow, enjoy the breeze, notice the view, and breathe. I think this was actually spurred by one of my sweet students who requested that I play the song in class. Since then its been at the top of my mind and the tip of my tongue every time I pick up the guitar.

 

The second is by 2019’s queen of self-empowerment for women – Lizzo. Her song “Good as Hell” reminds me to locate that little often forgotten voice inside me screaming – “I am the shit!”

 

So dear Tunester, as you plunge into a new beginning, what’s your song? 

 

We don’t need to pick out our theme song for the whole year because it will change many times. 

 

I’m suggesting that we pick out our theme song for these next couple of months. The beginning of the year is a special time. We all feel just a little bit more motivated to do our best, to turn a new leaf, to start a project or to kick old habits. 

 

So your homework this week is fun homework. 

 

On your commute, at home with your babies or on the treadmill; search through new songs and old songs and see what resonates with you. 

 

Having a theme song is like having a friend that reaches out of hand and picks you up when you need it or makes your step a little bit bouncier when it drags. 

 

The best possible scenario is for us all to share our theme songs together. It’s like sharing the lullabies that we use with our babies. It gives us ideas and opens our mind to directions we haven’t thought of.

 

Please share it in the comments so that we can all get ideas.

 

These things are always more fun together. Forward this to your friends and tell them you’ll share yours if they share theirs.

 

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

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5 parenting resolutions you can actually keep

Here’s my challenge to you this year – 

 

What if we thought about resolutions a little bit differently? 

 

Instead of making changes in order to reach some grand goal we have in mind, what if we make small adjustments to our daily habits so that we can enjoy NOW even more?

 

Can we make a deal? Can our overarching theme for this year be to truly see and enjoy what is right in front of us? That is 2020 vision. 

 

So without further ado here are the 5 totally doable daily habits that will help you see (and feel) more clearly.

 

1. A morning hug. No matter how old your baby is, this one applies. Even in the frenzy of the morning, go to your child and share a delicious hug. It might be a standing hug with your baby in your arms or it might be a hug from behind if your kid is reading (like mine does in the morning), or it might be climbing into bed with them for a minute. Whatever position it is, take a breath in that hug. A full inhale and exhale. The exhale is the important part.
Your kid will start the day feeling held and loved. And you will start the day holding what is most precious to you.

 

2.  A song a day. When you are with your kids, play at least one song that makes you feel good. Share the music you love with your kids. Sing with it, dance with it, cook to it, fall asleep to it. Whatever you’re doing, take a moment to share one song a day that you really enjoy. See how it alters everyone’s mood and moment.

 

3. An activity you love. Do something you love doing in front of your kid/s each day – cooking, singing, playing piano, exercising, meditating, reading, knitting, painting, cleaning, writing. Whatever it is, try to find at least two minutes a day to let your kids see you doing it. You will reap the benefits of doing what you love and they will be inspired to find what they love, and maybe even do that same activity.

 

4. A bedtime hug. Right before you run out that door, take a moment to do a bedtime hug. This one is hard, I know. We want to start OUR time ASAP. And if your sleeping arrangements are like ours it isn’t always convenient to get that hug – one is on a bunk bed, one is in a nook.. But take a breath, pause for the hug. Inhale, exhale. Make it sweet. It may even be your favorite part of the day.

 

5. A helpful task. This one is especially for the older kids but you can start early – find one housekeeping task a day that your kids can help with. I know. This one isn’t quite in the joyful moment category. But if we have them do one thing a day, our day feels better, and eventually theirs will too. One is doable, and can make lasting change.

 

I like what Elizabeth Gilbert said this year. It’s nice to keep this in mind:

“You don’t have to have a New Years resolution.

You are not required to justify your existence on earth through constant improvement…

You don’t need to earn you right to be here by putting yourself to higher and higher standards.

You just get to be here.

You belong here.

You are loved on earth.”

 

That’s it for today dear Tunesters. 5 changes that are easy to make that will change your day for the better.

 

Now tell me – what are YOUR parenting resolutions for this year? Do you have more to add to this list? If so, COMMENT below. I’d love more ideas!

 

Have a friend who needs to put a new lens on 2020? Send her/him this to sign up for future ones too.

 

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

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The two things that made this year possible

As I prepare for our ski trip, ripping open packing tape on boxes to find fleece everything – pants, shirts, neck warmers, I have an image of last year’s ski trip.

 

I was on a ski lift with my brother in Maine and we were talking about my business. He said – “Why don’t you teach your class online too?”

 

Remember when he told me I should start a vlog like Casey Neistadt? I do. And I did.

 

Anywho, I’m about to get on that same ski lift and it’s making me think about all that’s gone down this year. I DID make that online course. But I also did SO MUCH MORE.

 

Cue the sentimental guitar music. It’s time to look back on 2019 for Baby in Tune.

 

You guys – the business has grown ALOT this year. And you know how that happened? You’ve all been by my side, and I’ve grown as an entrepreneur.

 

(At the bottom of this post I am going to list all the virtual mentors whose blogs and podcasts have inspired me to get to this point. They might inspire you too.)

 

And now, let’s take a look at what  we’ve done in 2019:

 

1. Learned more about what YOU need

I spent alot of time this year thinking deeply about issues you want solved, challenges that bring you down, and ways that Baby in Tune can ACTUALLY help. It was hard work and alot of good stuff came out of it:

  • A weekly blog that so many of you say you appreciate.
  • Better discussion and flow in class.
  • Helpful tools like Cheat Sheets and Playlists.
  • A Facebook group.
  • More useful Instagram and Facebook posts.

2. Created an online course

This was no small feat. 6 modules, 17 videos, and a whole lot of planning, writing, filming, preparing, and dreaming big. With the help of Paul Kaup, the videographer and editor, and all of YOU wonderful parents who participated in it, I think it came out pretty darn amazing. Here is a glimpse into the final video:


 

3. Trained 5 new Baby in Tune instructors

Training a big group like this just felt RIGHT. You know how every now and then you do something that uses all of your talents at once and it feels good? I have no doubt that I was meant to mentor in this way. Our training was rich with discussion, music, tweaking, learning, and a common goal of supporting you all in the best way we can.
 

 

4. Hired two new business managers

This has changed my life. It made me realize how much time I was spending on admin, customer service,  PR, and strategy, and how little time I had to do the stuff I am good at – build curriculum, write music, and plan future projects. I could only have done this by settling into the CEO/entrepreneur role enough to DELEGATE. Also, I found these two gems so it was a no brainer.

 

5. Performed at venues and birthdays

I love seeing you all at performances and I love sharing in your milestones. You can bet I always sing “One Day” at your parties. How can I not? I get sentimental. I also get a little teary when my kids perform with me at shows which they did quite a bit this year. Stay tuned for more of those in 2020.

 

6. Planned for 2020

What a pleasure to sit with two extremely talented women and delve into how we can make our classes better, what other services we can offer, how we can make our hosts feel more appreciated, and how we can support you all even more.

 

7. Dreamed big. And continue to dream big

I believe in what I do because I see the way you all respond to it. Just today someone said the Soothing song “saved her life.”  I also know how the instructors and I feel after each class – a little more present and elated – no matter what state we were in when we started it.
I had some really big ideas this year that we made a reality. So anything can happen in 2020…

 

Baby in Tune will continue to grow at light speed. All you need to do is sing, share, feel, support and dance with us and your babies.

 

And one more thing – tell us how we can be better. Tell us what you like the most and what we can tweak.  This is a great opportunity for you all to COMMENT below or write us a personal email with your ideas for this year.

 

Here’s to 2020. A year of connection and song.

 

Vered (and the Baby in Tune team.)

 

PS. Here are some of my virtual business mentors from this year. All have podcasts.

  1. Amy Porterfield
  2. Jenna Kutcher
  3. James Wedmore
  4. Rick Mulready
  5. Robert Miller
  6. Micheal Hyatt

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You are a tradition maker now

Dear tuned-in parents, 

December is here and I am feeling my usual inner conflict between loving the smell of pine trees and the sight of twinkly lights and my disdain for all the in-your-face sales. The festival of lights is definitely a time to celebrate together but it is also a time to go inward and reconnect with family.

 

We’ve been going deeper in our classes. Something in the air – and the darkness outside – makes me a little more emotional in groups. We’re taking extra deep breaths between songs and we’re sharing a little bit more deeply and authentically. We’ve been delving into exploring our feelings about family, our place in the family, the place of music in our family and memories and traditions. 

 

 

We’ve come to grips with one important fact: 

We are the grown-ups now. 

 

I know you don’t want to hear that. 

 

I still feel like a kid, too. But in the past it was up to someone else to continue traditions and family rituals. Now it’s our job

 

Along  with the responsibility of instigating and carrying through, we also have an opportunity here. 

 

We can continue or create whatever traditions we feel like. 

 

We can build on what worked In the past and nix what didn’t. 

 

Easier said than done, I know. Sometimes those old habits emerge even if we want to shed them.

 

The first step is to start to be more conscious about the family rituals and traditions that have existed until now. In the process, let’s realize our own potential to inspire and spurinstigate new ones.

 

4 Ways to Evaluate Holiday Traditions

  1. Think back to a time when you felt *most connected* to your family. 

What were you all doing? 

Maybe you were playing a board game? Maybe you were sitting around talking? Maybe you were having dinner? Or making dinner? Maybe you were dancing? Or maybe you were singing a song? 

 

When I think of moments that felt the most happy and free with my family they almost always involved music. We were singing in the car, singing while washing dishes, hanging a prayer together before a meal or dancing together. 

 

So what were yours? 

 

This is a really nice conversation to have with family members. Ask your siblings, cousins, parents. What were the times when they felt the family was most connected and happy together? 

 

That’s a good start in figuring out which traditions you are going to continue or create. 

 

  1. Think about moments that felt *least connected*.

We’ve all had a lot of those with our family. Spending time with our family can be so loaded. These are people who have seen us grow since we were babies and vice versa. It is almost impossible to break out of our childhood images. Right when we feel the most grown up is when our family can make us feel the most like a child. 

 

  1. Think about moments where you watched other families enjoy a connected moment. 

More often than not we idealize those moments but it doesn’t matter for this exercise. What matters is what we saw the family doing. What allowed them to come together? How are they engaging with each other? 

 

  1. Think about moments with your nuclear family and your baby. 

What are the moments you feel most connected? What are you doing? How are you engaging? 

 

Once you’ve thought this through you might realize that there is a common thread. Most likely the connection moments happened when you put aside the to-do list; expectations and disappointments and were able to be fully present in the moment. 

 

My point is: 

There’s a way to manufacture these types of moments. We don’t need to wait for them to happen. 

 

We can create them. Oftentimes, with music. 

 

The reason that music lends itself so well to these types of moments is because it helps us get out of our heads and into our bodies. And more than that, it’s a way for us to communicate emotionally, not intellectually. So singing together is a shortcut to doing all the things we are talking about above: Feeling connected, happy, togetherness and present. 

 

Before you go into your holiday celebration this year, take time to do these 4 exercises: 

  1. When did you feel most connected with your extended family in the past? 
  2. When did you feel least connected with your family? 
  3. When watching another family who seemed connected, what were they doing? 
  4. What were some moments you felt most connected to your nuclear family? 

 

Once you move through these prompts, you might have some ideas about how to bring a new energy to your extended family this holiday. 

 

But here’s the hard part: Because we tend to regress into our old ways and childhood selves it may be hard to bring new ideas to a group. Although I make my career out of it, I still found it really hard to pull out the guitar and ask everyone to sing a song before dinner last year. 

 

That’s said, I plan to do it again. Because it was a moment that I remember. I remember looking around at everyone’s faces while we were singing. People were swaying, leaning on each other, and most of all, weren’t thinking. 

 

Not to say that I didn’t get some objections. I did, and you can expect it, too. They might sound like this: 

“But we’re hungry!” 

“Here she comes with a new idea.” 

“Let’s do it later” 

“Can’t we all watch a movie together instead?” 

Or any other cynical comments you can think of. 

 

But our job is to create the traditions that we believe are good for our babies. 

 

So we need to push through the resistance, so that when it is our baby’s turn to do it, they won’t be up against as much cynicism. For them, it will be second nature to come together effortlessly in a way that makes family truly feel like family. 

 

That’s it you guys. We’re not the kids anymore. It’s time for us to be the grown ups.

 

Have you started a new tradition in your family? Comment below and share what it was and how it was received. We need all the inspiration we can to make way for new ideas with as few waves as possible. 

 

Know a parent who’s ditching the traditional ways? Forward them this post so they know we’re all looking for rituals that feel right – for us.

 

Tell them to sign up here for more words of wisdom:

Yes! Please send me the Tuesday Tune-In!

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How to get through the Winter Witching Hour

Here it comes you guys – Winter is on its way. Evenings are getting darker and that means a lot more time at home with our babies. 

 

Let’s stay calm. We can get through this. 

 

Honestly, if it were just less sunlight on it’s own, then we could deal. But it feels like the last straw on top of already:

  • being bored out of your mind around 5pm 
  • Not sleeping and being basically half a human
  • Feeling your hormones rage high and low.
  • Watching your identity change completely from who you thought you once were

 

Sound familiar? 

 

And the worst side effect to having a baby in the winter? Watching that door like a hawk waiting for your partner to come home.  When I first realized I was doing that I was mortified. Where was the independent, creative, self-motivated, resourceful woman? What had become of me??

 

So how do we get through this? Just. Start. Dancing.

 

It might sound crazy that I think we can solve all of those things above by putting on a song and moving around. But you’re going to have to trust me on this one. 

 

I promise it’s easy. Find a song that you love dancing to. It doesn’t matter how embarrassing it is or how old it is or how uncool it is. It just has to be the song that gets you excited to move. Since you’re reading this now (before that 5pm low), think of what your song might be and put it in a playlist. Maybe even put three songs in that playlist. 

 

When the sun starts to set, scoop your baby up; put that song on; and go to town. Put all the tasks aside and just let your body move to the beat. 

 

Why exactly will dancing cure our woes?

  1. Music is an endorphin. It actually makes us happy. I know that you’ve experienced this in the past so I don’t need to elaborate. 

 

  1. Moving to the beat gets us out of our heads and into our body. And that gets us into the present moment. It alleviates spiraling into that go-to internal dialogue: “This sucks.” “I’m tired.” “Who am I?” “Where is he?” “What do I do?” “I’m SO tired…”

 

  1. Dancing is a workout. As you know, moving our body – even a little bit strenuously –  energizes us in the long run. It reduces stress and releases endorphins and physical tension.

 

  1. Dancing with our baby brings us in sync with each other. Babies love to dance and move to a rhythm. In fact, they do it on their own from a very early age. When we move them with us to the rhythm of the music, we are sinking up our breathing and our mood, all while holding them close. It’s the closest simulation of the womb. 

 

  1. A dance party is like a reset to your evening. Just try it. You’ll see that that mood that you were feeling a minute ago dissipates into nothing. You might even feel a moment of Celebration. You’ve got a lot to celebrate: You got through the day! 

 

So what’s your favorite dance-party song? The only thing we need to do now is share with each other and the longer our list, the better off we’ll be in that dark when we’re watching the door like a Stepford Wife waiting for her partner to save us. 

 

Instead, let’s save ourselves!

 

Comment below with your jam. Let’s make a “It’s 5pm and winter” playlist that’s 100 songs long. 

 

Have a friend who texts you around 5pm each day? They need this, too. Forward it to them now and have a long-distance dance party.

 

Tell them to sign up here for more words of wisdom:

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Parenting Mistakes Through the Eyes of an 8 Year Old

In today’s Tuesday Tune-In I’m going to give you the secret to parenting. 

It’s true. It makes all the difference. And if you ask your kids, they’ll say I’m right. It was actually my son who really drove this lesson home for me. A couple of years ago, he started writing a book that he called “Parenting Mistakes Through the Eyes of an 8 Year Old.”

Clearly, he had a whole book’s worth of material. 

 

That said, Lesson One was simple and important for us all to learn. Actually all the chapters came down to one main idea:

 

Be playful.

 

Or in his own words: “Parents need to be more silly, lighter about things.” When I asked him what he meant, he said, ”Let’s do a role play.” 

 

Example 1: Not Playful

He went to lie on the couch and told me to call him to go to the shower the way I normally do. I did, in a straightforward way,  and he said, “I don’t want to go.” And kept lying there. I said, “Please go to the shower so that we can have dinner.” He said, ”In a few minutes.”

 

Indeed, that was an annoyingly good illustration of how it normally goes.

 

Then he said, ”Okay, let’s try it again. This time, try to be more FUN about it. Find a way to turn it into a game.”

 

Example 2: Not Playful Enough

This time, I called him again with kind of a silly voice and did a silly dance along with it. 

 

He said, ”That’s not it. Try again.”  

 

(Side note: do the rest of you have parenting coaches at home or am I the only one? Is this retribution to me being a kind of a parenting coach?)

 

Example 3: Playful

Finally, I went over and said, ”I’m going to tickle you if you don’t get up right away and run into the shower. You better go quick!” Immediately, he started laughing. Then I tickled him and said, ”Let’s see if we can jump the whole way there.” He got up and started jumping.

 

That day, he reminded me of a lesson that we all need to keep in mind ALL of the time. Our kids want to play. They want to have fun with us. They want to be silly and they want US to be silly. And this is for ALL ages, from tiny babies to attitude tweens.

 

Here’s the thing.

 

Things tend to be very serious all the time in our very important worlds. We get caught up in day-to-day tasks that weigh down on us. Our kids see us working very hard to get things done – to feed them, bathe them, make sure they’re healthy, make sure we get our own stuff done, and put them to sleep. We can get pretty bogged down in a mode of checking things off of our list. 

 

So – We all need a reminder. And I am a girl who loves a challenge. 

 

I challenge you to be playful. 

 

See if you can turn small moments into a game and bring out your silly side whenever possible.

 

But there’s more to this. I’m not just suggesting to be silly. I’m recommending you to do it when you least want to. Right at that moment when your kid pushes back the most – when they are at their most intolerable, irrational and defiant.

 

It’s right at that moment – when WE may be our most tired, most frustrated, and most spent – that we need to remember this approach.

 

Here’s the scenario: You’re trying to get your toddler’s shoes on to get out the door. You’re late to wherever you’re going. Your child has already wanted to change outfits three times, has thrown tantrums over lunch and does NOT want to put on shoes.

 

You just want it to end. A part of you wants to force the damn shoes on the toddler and get going. But you also know that if you do that there are probably 3 more tantrums waiting around the corner.

 

You have no resources left. You feel depleted.

 

This is when I want you to dig even deeper and find that playful place within you. Find a way to be funny, to be silly, to turn it into a game, and to play.

 

I promise you that you will get out of the door so much faster than if you force it.

 

Now I want to hear from you. What are some ways that you turn a tough moment into a fun moment? Comment and don’t hold back because that is when we all need it the most.

 

Know a parent having a rough week? Forward this silly solution to them.

 

Finally, know a book publisher? Send me their info. I think this could be a huge hit . Seriously.

 

Here’s a way to get your friends on this list so they’ll have the secret to parenting too:

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Today’s Panel of Judges…Family!!

Dear Tunester Family,

My big online course launch is behind us and now we can focus on the next big thing: the holidays. And specifically, the feeling that our family judges our parenting choices

 

For those of you with a baby, this is a new frontier.
And for those of you with bigger kids – well, you know this is a thing.

 

Let us start with the much contested and very controversial Thanksgiving. I won’t go into all the pros and cons of it. I have a feeling you’ve done that work already. But I do want to delve into the most important stuff(ing) that might come up this weekend or in the holiday weeks to come. 

 

Even one sly comment at each gathering can make us feel defensive about how we choose to parent. Sometimes they don’t even need to say a word. We just feel it. (Is it all in our heads? Maybe.) But we must have heard the critique at some point – possibly growing up as kids. My point is that it was enough to make us feel that there is a critical thought behind the smile, even if it goes unsaid. Which is almost as intolerable. 

 

Why is this so torturous?

Because it awakens our own inner judge.

 

The problem with parenting is that there is no right way. We will forever try to find the key to the daughter who eats everything on her plate, the baby who sleeps through the night, the toddler who doesn’t have tantrums at the table, or the son who doesn’t curse at his mama (see prior post). But it just doesn’t exist. 

 

Our journey as parents is to continually DO OUR BEST.

When a family member questions our choices, that brings up all of our doubts.

And they are PLENTY.

 

We work so hard to understand our kids *and* we are also just children trying to understand ourselves. So when your toddler hits the floor in a mad tantrum, you cycle into your rolodex of what you could be doing better. And what you are doing wrong. When that family member comments on the fact that we are no longer nursing or nursing too long; putting the baby down too early or too late; being too lax or too firm; then something happens. Your inner judge comes to life – and it is ruthless.

 

So what do we do?

Tell your own inner judge to shut the front door.

 

Parents, I know you tune in. I know you are doing your best. Every. Single. Day. Sometimes you go to sleep wondering why you lost your temper so easily or why you didn’t allow that one thing, or why you couldn’t have just been a little more patient, more loving and more playful. And that is the work. 

 

I know you are doing your absolute best.

And more importantly, YOU know you are.

 

Remember this when you are with your family this weekend or in the month to come:

You love your baby deeply. You are working hard at this parenting thing and are doing pretty darn great. You have made decisions based on who YOU are and who your BABY is, and they are good decisions.

 

If you can truly sit with that, then the comments won’t touch you as deeply. Sure, it will be annoying. Nobody has the right to criticize anyone else. But it won’t be as triggering. Because their judge won’t be communicating directly with your inner judge. In fact, their outer judge will only be communicating with their inner judge, which we can’t do a thing about. 

 

You remember that. 

And for that snide commentor? Give them a compliment.

 

I’m dead serious. I got this idea from my daughter actually. The other day she was having a playdate. I overheard her friend say, “There is a girl in my class and she is so mean to me!” And my daughter said, “Give her a compliment!”

If you want to go above and beyond and want to communicate with their inner judge – give them a compliment.

Tell them you remember how well they parented, how they seem to really connect to your baby; how they seem to have great instincts.

 

This last instruction is not simple, I know. It would be pretty big of us if we could do this.

 

But maybe we can try. For the sake of a complicated holiday that reminds us to be better people.

 

So tell me – do you relate? Are you prepping your retorts for parenting “advice”?

 

Can you see yourself giving a compliment instead. I’d love to hear. COMMENT below.

 

Do you have a friend heading into a familial panel of judges? Help them get through it. Send them the link below so they can read this one and sign up for more.

 

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When you feel distant from your kid, do THIS

Dear Tunester,

This week’s post is a super simple strategy for tuning in that you can try out immediately. Like right now. It’s fun; it’s easy; and it a superpower:

This game can repair a temporarily broken relationship with your child.

 

Every now and then I feel like one of my kids drifts away from me a bit. Sometimes it’s because he or she is going through a rough patch and is acting out more than usual. Other times it’s because the others needed more attention during that period. Or maybe it’s because I have been busier than normal and somehow that kid got lost in the shuffle.

 

For instance:
Currently, my eldest seems to be more aggressive with his siblings and more defiant toward me. Connecting with him is more of a struggle while connecting with the others comes more easily and more naturally at the moment.

Last month, it was my middle who seemed to constantly be on the edge of a tantrum. I found myself keeping my distance a bit from him, not wanting to set him off.

 

Our relationships with our kids ebb and flow just like the ones we have with our partners, friends and family members.

But when it comes to our kids, it’s up to US to notice the rift as quickly as we can and make an effort to repair it. That said, it’s not always easy to be the grown up.

When I am in this state, I need a jumpstart for the process of repair.

 

That’s when I play the “Why I Love You” Game.

It’s pretty simple. Ok, here goes:

  1. Say to your child, ”Let’s play a game. Let’s take turns saying to the other person why we love each other. I’ll start.”
  2. Say things that are very specific to your child’s personality. Use sentences that begin with “I love you because … “ or “I love how you …”.Examples:
      • “I love you because you laugh at little things that sometimes annoy me at first but then I see you laughing and I realize it is funny.”
      • “I love you because get very excited about what you are learning at school and you love to share it with me.”
      • “I love how you make up silly songs. They are so funny!”
      • “I love you because you try to find ways to help people around you.”
      • “I love you because you always give me the biggest warmest hugs before bed.”
      • “I love how you build things and you get so involved in your creations.”

Now imagine that you are in one of those difficult periods with your kid when it is harder to think of these positive things. Your rough patch is so rough right now that you can only think of reasons why he or she is driving you crazy. Don’t worry. It is ok. We have all been there at one point or another. It just means you have to look past the provocative behavior and pinpoint the charming ones.

Examples:

      • “I love how after you get very angry about something you always come back to me and find a way to give me a hug.”
      • “I love how when you feel overtired or overstimulated you know that you need to find time to be alone and read.”

 

What are they saying meanwhile? It doesn’t even matter.

They might even surprise you. They might be more perceptive than you think. They might just make your day with the reasons they love you.

Reminding each other of your love can be the first step toward reconciliation or reconnection.

In fact, we should all go around doing this to the people we love ALL THE TIME.

 

You know why I love you all?

I love you because you take the time to read what is important to me.
I love how you trust me to make music for your family.
And I love you because you share your most precious relationship with me – the one with your babies.

 

Have a thousand reasons you want to write down before you forget? Comment here with what you’ll tell your child tonight.

Have a friend who’s been in a rift with their child? Forward them this email and let them know sometimes a parent and child are only one game away from reconnecting.

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You can’t stop time. But you can do this

Dear Tunester aka Parent in Tune,

In today’s Tuesday Tune-In, I’m going to share what we can do when we feel like time’s rushing by so fast and our babies are changing and growing in a way that’s equally exciting and heartbreaking.

I mean, I know time doesn’t go by fast when you’re not sleeping and you just want a good night’s rest, or when you’re stuck inside of the house during winter for One More Lonely Day with your baby and kids, or when you are sick and still need to take care of your kids.

But summer is just a nostalgic season. Everything about it feels like the sweetest ice cream cone that melts just too fast.

It makes me ever so acutely aware that my kids are growing. FAST.

 

I remember first feeling this when my eldest was a few months old. Already then, I knew that as difficult as that time was, I would one day look back on it and yearn for the simplicity of us lying side-by-side on the bed, quietly watching the way the sun moved across the wall.
Now again I notice it years later – looking back on the blur of early parenthood.
If you follow me on Instagram, you have probably noticed that I’ve got major baby fever. Partly It has to do with the fact that I’m aging out. My body is giving out one more primal plea to do what it was meant to do: procreate.
Believe me; I know what you’re thinking. You are so in it and you can’t imagine craving to hold a baby. I couldn’t believe it when my aunt said she wanted to take care of our baby for an afternoon. But here I am. My youngest is 4 and a half. She just got over the hump of being a toddler and doesn’t feel like a baby anymore. Her sentences are detailed and involved, she remembers more than I do about what we did or what we will be doing and she seems to be able to read my mind more than ever.
So here’s what I’ve come up with regarding what to do in these moment. But I want to hear your ideas in the comments.

What To Do When Baby is Growing at Lightspeed

  1. Breath deep.
    The only way to combat the feeling that time is moving too fast is to make sure that we are fully in the present. And in order to do that we need to breathe deep, and take a moment to be aware of our breath. And to bring it home for myself, while I’m breathing out I say something quietly to myself like- “I am with you.” It’s not because I don’t want to be with them but for some reason I’m just not always fully present.

 

    1. Say “Yes” at least 50% of the time.
      When you are at the playground and your son asks you to play basketball, at least half the time try to say, ”Yes.” And when you are at home and your daughter asks you to jump on the bed with her or play family, at least half the time try to say, “Yes.”
      Because, in the end, those moments will be the ones that you will remember. Those will also be your kids’ favorite moments of the day.We can’t do it all the time, but when you do try to really enjoy it. Be in the game. Make it interesting for yourself. Make it funny for yourself and for your child. It may only be a few minutes of play but if you do them with your entire self – body, mind, heart, they will be powerful moments.

 

  1. Play my song “One Day.”
    I wrote this song to capture this bittersweet feeling. Since then, even though my kids are older now, I get emotional every. single. time. I sing it. And it seems to hit the spot for others as well because there is always at least one other person who is tearful by the end of the song. Sometimes we need to validate the feeling. Let it be acknowledged for the pain and beauty it holds. I hope this song can do that for you, too.

mama looking at alona
Feel it.
Feel it all.
And know this: The more time I’m a parent, the more I realize that beyond the basic stuff like keeping our kids healthy and safe and creating an environment in which they can explore; our job is actually one more thing.

Our job as parents is for US to enjoy our children the most we possibly can.

We think that our job is more complicated than that. But the more we truly give ourselves to enjoyment with them, the more they get all the benefits we want them to have. So do your best to enjoy all of the fun moments, to create the fun moments, and even to enjoy all of the conflicted feelings that you might be having too.
Squeeze that moment for what it’s worth

And here’s the song to bring it home!

 

When you last felt the sting of time passing, where were you or what were you doing? Changing a diaper or watching graduation? Comment below with us all, who share in your grief and your glory.

 

Know someone who’s little one just had a growth spurt? Forward them this post and give them some ways to deal with the existential moment.

 

Yes! Please send me more of the Tuesday Tune-In!

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17 roadtrip games to keep the peace

It’s summer! Let’s go somewhere. Wait. The dreaded road trip. What will we do with all those hours in that small air-conditioned space?

 

Whether you are traveling to the beach, to the country, to your hometown, or cross-country destinations you’re going to need some go-to activities for those moments when everyone is getting antsy in the car. This is a problem even snacks cannot solve. Believe me. I’ve tried.

 

We personally haven’t given in to using screens on the road yet and my goal is to keep it that way. But that means we need to have a lot of tricks up our sleeves.

 

Today, I’m sharing this trick list with you.

 

Keep it handy for when you need it most. Not all of these are musical but many are. Let’s break them down into categories:

 

For Babies:

I’ll start with the tiniest passengers because most of you have one on board. There is nothing worse than being stuck on a congested highway with hours ahead and having a crying baby in the back seat. For these games I am going to assume you are not the driver and can give it your full attention.

 

    1. Peekaboo – Grab a towel, a lovey, piece of paper, anything. Peekaboo is a game that can delight for hours. As you are playing it, notice the musicality of the game. Notice how your voice rises at the top to signify a moment of surprise when you say “Peekaboo!” or “There she is!”
      (For a song to use with this game try mine here).

 

    1. Seat dancing – Babies love to dance and move to the rhythm. Put on your favorite dance song and move their legs and arms around to the beat. Bend their legs, straighten them, move their arms around. Part of what makes the carseat so unbearable is the constriction. So help them move.

 

  • Hand gesture songs – Those who have taken my class know the why and the how of hand gesture songs. But basically, use dynamics, make big gestures, think of dancing with your hands, use facial expressions for extra credit. (Bikeride is a fave amongst parents in my classes.)

 

 

  • Puppets – Grab a puppet or really anything – even a shoe can be a puppet – and bring it to life. In fact, it may be even more fascinating for babies to see inanimate objects that don’t obviously have a face come to life. Have your puppet sing a song, do a dance, talk to your baby, and best of all – play hide and seek with your baby.

 

 

  • Books – when your baby is on the verge of tears she needs you to bring out your full book-game. What does that look like? Bring out the voices, the gestures, the facial expressions, the melodic reading. Slow down when the Hungry Caterpillar is eating to count each and every plum slowly.

 

 

  • Painters Tape – did you see my post about surviving a flight with a baby? If not check it out for more tips that would apply here too. Especially the painters tape trick. All you need is a role of it. Tear it up into pieces. Put it along your baby’s chair. Let your baby take them on and off and play with the stickiness. (Best to do this when you are next to your baby so she won’t put the tape in her mouth.)

 

For the older ones:

Speaking Games

 

  1. 20 questions – Reminder: This is when you are thinking of a person place or thing and the others need to guess what you’re thinking about. They can only ask questions that have a Yes or No answer. It’s fun to play this with kids and try to guess family members, friends or movie characters. What’s great about this game is that it teaches kids how to go from thinking in general terms to increasingly specific ones.

 

  1. I spy – My four year old can play this one for hours. Every time I think we might have exhausted objects with colors in the car, she finds something new or we switch it to thinking about something with the first letter blank.

 

  1. Who am I – We play this game a lot at home when we can act it out . It’s basically speaking or acting like someone and having people guess who it is.

 

  1. The association game – This one is not quite a traditional game. There’s no end result but instead there’s a never-ending association game that can be fascinating. We started playing it when my daughter would say something like, “I’m thinking of … a car.” And my husband would respond, “ … and I’m thinking of wheels.” Then she would say, “ … and I’m thinking of the street.” So basically each person is just free associating with what the person said right before. The tricky part of this game is to truly go with associations to the last word said, not with the topic itself. For instance, the word street might remind me of gum if I’m thinking about sticky gum stuck to the street. That would be disconnected from the car theme that was going prior and might be a very unique association. It makes each person stay on their toes and truly react to the last thing said, not plan it ahead of time.

 

  1. Story in sentences – One person starts the story by saying a made up sentence. Then each person adds in their turn. Again, with this game, we need to relinquish our associations and accept the other ideas that people have and then build on them. This is a real Yes And game.

 

Musical games

  1. The singing game – I grew up playing this game with my cousins and I think it had a lot to do with me becoming a musician. It trained me to listen closely to lyrics and songwriting. The idea is that one person sings a song and the others need to start singing another song that shares a word from the first song. For instance, someone might sing “You Are My Sunshine” and another person would cut in and start to sing “Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone.” Obviously transitional words like the or and don’t count. And when you get really good at it you can make the word “love” not count either to add an extra challenge. A song can’t be repeated.

 

  1. Car DJ – This one is not quite a game but it has passed many hours for us in the car. Each person gets to choose one song to play on the stereo and we go around and take turns. At this point, we all know the words to Sofia the First because my daughter always chooses the same song. You too may have an uber fan of an artist or songs at home. These days with streaming music, Car DJ is so easy to do. Every song is at our fingertips!

 

  1. Call and response songs – About a month ago, I did a post about doing music with the whole family and I added in some ideas for the car, as well. This was in that post, as well as other ideas that are not car specific. (You can see that post here.) There are a bunch of call-and-response songs out there similar to “Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?”. Those songs get everyone singing along for a little while.

 

  1. Made-up songs – The other day I did this with my daughter in the car. It is similar to Story in Sentences but with a song. We each took turns making up a phrase. You can sing about what you see, where you’re going, how you feel or what you’re doing. You can use a melody that exists or make one up.

 

  1. Sound orchestra – This one was also on the list of musical activities to do with the whole family. With this game, someone will start making a sound repetitively – like tapping on their knees or clucking their tongued. Another person will join in layering their sound on top. And then the others will do this one by one. It’s fun to hear the tapestry that is created by all the sounds together.

 

  1. The quiet game – The game of all games. How does it still work with my big kids? Don’t ask questions. It just does. When the energy runs high and people are getting exhausted, it’s worth a shot to try this one. You probably remember it. You are just trying to be the quietest. The person who makes a sound first loses. This game has saved us many times. And each time I wonder when my luck will end and they will refuse to play. But, for now, I think they are just as thankful as I am at that moment to have some quiet.

 

For everyone

 

Stuff to listen to:

  1. Favorite ALBUMS – This might sound obvious but these days the album has been a little forgotten in favor of the single or the five most played songs at the top of the artist’s profile. It’s so nice to have the time to listen to a full album in the car. I put together a list of Kindie musicians who we love to listen to in another post so I’ll just mention a couple of albums here: Molly Ledford and Billy Kelly’s “Trees,” and an oldie but a goodie that has never been surpassed in my opinion – “Free to Be … You and Me”.

 

  1. Musicals – Musicals are so great for car rides because they tell a story through songs and they often take about an hour. Our favorites are “Hamilton,” “Mary Poppins,” “The Sound of Music,” “Annie,” and the Disney soundtracks, too.

 

  1. Stand up comedy – Once you have a 10 year old, you are in a different listening world and doors open up. On the other hand, I still have the littles in the car so I need to make sure everything is age appropriate. Stand-up comedy has been a new love of ours. My friend Billy Kelly (who is also a musician mentioned above) made a stand-up comedy album for kids. It’s really great and I wish there were more like this. We’ve managed to find some comics who are more or less appropriate for kids. We love Brian Regan although you may not agree with me on whether it’s fully appropriate. Nine years old seems to be the turning point for these types of jokes that can have more complex set-ups. My seven-year-old struggles to understand all of the nuances while my ten-year-old giggles throughout.

 

  1. Podcasts – I’ve developed a huge love for podcasts myself and they can also come in handy with the kids. Our favorite one to listen to is “Wow in the World” by NPR and the wonderful Mindy Thomas and Guy Raz. It seems to appeal to all the ages I’ve got in the car. It’s funny and educational. There are many more podcast for kids out there but I’m not a connoisseur. I would love to hear which ones you listen to with your family so that I can get more ideas.

 

  1. Switch it up – My final suggestion is to switch up your musical genres in the car. It changes the mood completely when you put on classical, jazz, acoustic, world music or any other. Since you’ve got your kids captive, you might as well expose them to the wonderful music in the world. We love listening to Bach, Beethoven and others in classical. And recently we have been listening to my brother in law Yotam Silberstein’s lovely new jazz album Future Memories.

 

With this list, your goal is to have your car ride be just as memorable (in a good way) as the destination itself.

 

And hey, this list is never finished – add to it! What are your road-trip tricks, podcasts and go-to games? COMMENT below with your faves.

 

Know someone embarking on a family roadtrip? Send this to them and get a big hug when they return. You’ll get one from me, too, clearly. They can sign up for more on the link below.

 

Yes! Please send me more of the Tuesday Tune-In!

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